To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

To make you all happy I'm leaving the thread now so you can all happily agree with each others views without challenge and assume I'm a horrendous plonker!

Shame there is no freedom of speech on Mumsnet anymore and people feel the need to demonise anyone with a different opinion!

But I'll disappear as I seem to be causing distress to people without intending to and I don't want to do that

I read the rest. There was absolutely no need to that sentence in any context.

@Whinge I know :)

I would just like to clarify the words in bold are a quote from @SleepFinally

If the OP is reading the thread, then I really hope they're ok.

When I managed a 24/7 service I tackled this issue the day I was appointed and made it clear from the start that normal rotas continued over Christmas and New Year, regardless. It is the only fair way as on that basis everyone gets their fair share of Christmas and Boxing days off. All new staff were appointed on that basis. OP it sounds to me that you have a weak manager, can you put in a grievance?

Taken out of context! Did you also read the bits where I said I feel deeply for the OP and would cover her Christmas for her? I guess not!!!

@SleepFinally this is one of those where it's time to log off. You're only digging a bigger hole now

Fucking hell. Just fucking hell.

Ahhhhhggghj!! How should I communicate my opinions in a way that doesn't offend or sound passive aggressive??? !!

I think sometimes on Mumsnet when someone disagrees with the majority, there is a tendency to pull them apart, claim they are horrible, call them passive aggressive, do whatever they possibly can to make the poster seem awful and to push them off the thread or demonise them, or try and catch them out / twist things etc...

However, I just disagree. I'm not horrible. I haven't intended to be passive aggressive, I haven't intentionally tried to make someone feel guilty or ashamed or whatever!! I just am stating my opinions and these opinions are different from the majority. That's ok! World would be boring if we all thought the same!

However, if the next year I had something come up with my children, then I don't think you can keep saying 'but I had miscarriages so you being with your kids isn't fair and makes me feel bad'

Wow 😲I really think you need to step away from this thread. I can't imagine how awful the OP must be feeling if she's reading your posts.

Of course she would feel fine because her colleagues contractual obligations are literally none of her business. Yes, you are shaming and once again a thread from someone having a tough time has been overtaken by a troll without absolutely anything useful to say!

Did you not read the part where it's a new manager who has changed the way they work?

I'll spell it out. New manager has told OP she has to work on Christmas Eve, which is not her working day. New manager has also said that you have to work either Christmas Day OR Boxing Day, except if you have kids and have to have both off.

The worker could have her super speshul magical Christmas Day and work Boxing Day, but nope.

Totally unfair, at my DH work if they are working Christmas day then anyone who would like the day off has to then go into a hat for who gets to be off kids or no kids . My DH has missed out on the past and worked but it's got to be fair .

Haha!! Big assumption there!

As you will have seen from my posts, I have covered more Christmases for my colleagues than they have for me.

It is very very sad that OP has had 3 miscarriages and if she had a miscarriage near Christmas and said to me 'i don't think I can work this year, I just need to be at home with DH to process this' then I likely would say 'oh my gosh, of course I'll work it for you. You stay home and rest up and spend time with DH', I'll cover the Christmas period.

However, if the next year I had something come up with my children, then I don't think you can keep saying 'but I had miscarriages so you being with your kids isn't fair and makes me feel bad'. That's not to undermine or minimise the horrendous impact of miscarriage. I feel deeply for OP and how difficult it has been for her to go through these experiences.

But I do think there will always be people with greater and lesser need to have Christmas day off and I like to think most colleagues do the decent thing by the people they work with.

Are you purposely not reading things properly or just trying to manipulate what was previously said? YOUR post was meant to shame OP, as have all your subsequent posts where you passively aggressively call posters who don't agree with you unfeeling.

Funny isn't it that people would rightly say their employer was being discriminatory if they didn't get promoted because they had children and their employer said they preferred someone who didn't have family commitments and could offer complete flexibility but some of those same people expect preferential treatment at certain times of the year precisely because they have children.

I used to work in a 24/7 service and always worked my share of Christmas holidays without complaint. My standard response to anyone expecting me to do more because I didn't have children was that I still had family and someone else's need for family time wasn't more important than mine.

Lesson number four in passive aggressive communication. Remember there will be a test.

Oh dear your passive aggressive stance appears to be your default.

You are right our feelings are our own. And nasty martyrdom statements , whilst missing key facts appear to be yours.

This. The poster has a total empathy bypass for anyone who doesn’t have kids. It makes pretty grim reading. And very discriminatory

🎯🎯🎯🎯

This is what shocks me. The cruelty is astounding. Where’s their compassion for Op who has had THREE miscarriage and doesn’t know if she can have a child ever ?

Why would OP feel ashamed? Shame is when you do something you feel uncomfortable with or have been humiliated in some way. If the OP is comfortable with her decisions why would she feel ashamed?? I was saying i would feel uncomfortable (maybe even ashamed? though not sure I'd go that far) taking Christmas away from Jill, Jane and Mary. But if OP feels fine with it, that's up to her. If she feels ashamed, then that's also up to her. It's her actions and decisions not mine....

And yet you could enjoy your Christmas with a baby (not newborn or you'd still be on mat leave) whilst knowing you'd caused Sandra to be alone at Christmas as she couldn't go travel to see family? Especially knowing thay Sandra was painfully childless?

Yes, humanity seems pretty lacking in empathy when you put it like that.

If you are putting in for holiday you usually can’t put in for holiday on a day you don’t work. You don’t call in sick to a day you don’t normally work either.

Sorry, I just assumed if she's been asked to work Tuesday, her contract must specify she can be asked to work any day. Apologies if I'm wrong on that.

OP has made it pretty clear she never works a Monday / Tuesday. Also she hasn't been asked, she's been told she's working it because she doesn't have children.

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues.

Sorry, I just assumed if she's been asked to work Tuesday, her contract must specify she can be asked to work any day. Apologies if I'm wrong on that.

If you worked in a job for x months or x years and you never work Tuesdays, you don’t expect that you are going to work on a Tuesday irrespective of what the contract says about “can be asked to work any day”. It would be absurd for me to book Mondays off when I don’t work Mondays although no doubt the small print says it possible for my employer to ask me to do that.

There’s clearly a reasonable expectation that’s her day off if she never works it. They know that and you know that.

Asking her to work her day off would’ve been bad enough but telling her is shocking.

Again do you not see the insensitivity of TELLING someone they must work their day off or Christmas because they haven’t popped out kids? Particularly in this situation where fertility issues are involved.

Haha! I'm not trying to guilt trip or shame anyone! If people have thoe emotions then that's on them. I don't and can't and don't want to control how anyone else thinks or feels. Your feelings are yours. If someone is feeling ashamed or guilty for something then those are their emotions to understand, own and unpick. But that's their issue, not mine.