Exhausted with current situation - money issue

@Dreambow much of the problem is that people did not appreciate the extent to which interest rates were held down. And how, comparatively, energy costs were exceptionally low.

It's a shock as people didn't anticipate the potential for a return to the bad old days. We recall interest rates at 15% and proportionately higher energy costs. Historically people didn't heat whole houses, or have much over for treats.

I recall friends clinging on for dear life in the early 90s.

It does appear that you have over extended and sadly, for a while, that means bread and jam.

Ultimately 4000 sq foot houses cost a lot to run in monetary and time terms. They just do. If you must stay in London, and we had to and did, then you will just have to tighten your belts for a few years and suck it up. There won't be much spending money for a while but it will pass.

Meanwhile, get on the waiting list for a childminder - you may be surprised at the turnover, as others will be leaving London, see if there are economies. Get thermostats fitted to radiators and use oil filled plug inside to take of the chill where necessary.

Think of it as getting into training for the school fees!

OP it suits some more narrow minded folks to cling onto this ‘they are loaded’ narrative, it gives them the freedom to say spiteful and bitter things. It’s a very British mentality to not like others doing well and also speaks volumes of the benefits culture that pervades modern UK society. It’s a shame that more respect isn’t weighted to doing well and training given to those who aren’t. We are a 200k+ household and have had to scale back everything from holidays to shopping to school uniform, just to stay (barely) solvent.

If nursery is that expensive you’re probably better getting a nanny for both of them? Personally we couldn’t have afforded nursery fees whilst on maternity leave so I had them both at home.

Mumsnet can be so chippy about anyone earning over £10k or daring to have a house that's over £1m - that's not a mansion in London by a long stretch.

So what if the OP has a big house and they earn good salaries? The point is that she didn't expect her mortgage to go up that much, none of us did! Doesn't mean any of us have to be happy about it.

Just had a nosey as well OP, and whilst I have sympathy with the COL rises you have 4,000 sq ft house - that is well over double the size of my very nice Victorian terrace. You also say you did well out of your previous property, so I don’t understand why you have so little equity??

You have choices and options but I don’t think you want to make them.

Your house is absolutely massive though OP (sorry that poster piqued my curiosity). No wonder it's expensive to heat. I'm amazed anything that size was under a million recently, wow! But you could absolutely downsize within London and maintain your lifestyle. It seems a little sad to have 5/6 bedrooms in London, but quibbling over a £10 baby class. Is it worth it?

Yes, I live in Bromley and most commute into London. Reliable transport and quick, And cheaper than further in London. 🙂

Me again, the person who said about moving to Scotland haha.

I'm intrigued by the can't do his career outside of London, are you sure there is nothing comparable in Glasgow, Edinburgh or even up in Aberdeen.

I know you said he's worked hard for it, but life is different chapters and this one for you all sounds like its run its course or about to break you. Something needs to change surely?

I'd lay out various potential paths you could take including your current path and have a serious think.

In percentage terms how much does your mortgage and council tax combined take up of your income?

@Dreambow I'm afraid you won't get much sympathy the minute you mention £100k salaries and properties over a million- but it's all relative I know - all I will say is be honest with yourselves - if your mortgage is a killer then look at other options- if you want to stay in London then maybe look at a decent rental for a couple of years or if you insist on buying then start looking at more peripheral areas that are cheaper than where you are but quick commute in- places like Woking, Reading, Chelmsford - or London peripheries like carshalton, Bromley, Wanstead, Beckenham, Bexley , Enfield etc , none of these would kill your DH commute wise.he might like being as central as possible but at the expense of a freezing house and no spare money - it isn't worth it. He doesn't have to retrain- you both have to rethink type of home and location

It's clear you overstretched and yes as you say it's almost impossible to have predicted mortgages would rocket or childcare -so stress test it - check what it would be at 10% and maybe buy quite a bit under what you can realistically afford- the only problem I see (and which is why I suggested renting for a bit) is that your mortgage affordability will be way down with that level of childcare payments

This is us. Should be okay as on a combined income of £65k in the north but we really aren’t.

My mortgage went up £400 due to interest rises. Every single bill has gone up, some by hundreds. Childcare went up. Petrol. Food astronomical.

Now workplace has cut all overtime due to the new budget. Such an awful place to be yet there’s people worse off so I feel guilty for complaining.

@Gettingbysomehow well we live in Bath and clearly I have missed the beach - as has father in law shortly to move to Frome- are you near Weston super mare? If so wouldn't say beach is amazing however much I love Somerset !! Lots of south east folks here though - lots of lovely born and bred here's too, which I like

So what, Miss Marple? It was obvious that OPs house was very expensive from her posts but again, so what? They haven't claimed to be poor and have been honest about having professional well paid jobs. They are just struggling temporarily as their mortgage rate has gone up significantly and nursery fees are extortionate.

I threw in the south east towel and went to live in Somerset. Everything here is half price, the countryside and beaches are amazing. I have no idea why I suffered in the soth east for so long.
My friends are moving here one by one.

Did you miss the bit where she was probably up at 1:30am with an 8 week old?

almost 5 years ago you started a thread saying you were looking for a property in london with a budget for £1.6 million

5 years ago!

but I feel pretty down-beaten and exhausted with it all.

you started a very long Op at 01.30am
4 hours later you were back on it posting and then every hour of the day since then

Today you could have done something besides work but you chose to mumsnet for the entire day

all i do is work work work

and post multiple very long and detailed posts on mumsnet!

I’m a centrist by nature and a Lib Dem voter, I don’t approve of the Tories or Labour. Those with multiple properties and high earnings are far more likely to have a degree of flexibility that those in middle income brackets simply don’t have. Those middle earners will be the same people who will have to accept the high taxes and house price falls as they do not have other options easily available. This brain drain was exacerbated by Brexit and the same issues continue to encourage high net worth families and individuals that their money, investments and lifestyle will fare better in other countries - and are able to rejig these arrangements depending on governments/taxes etc.

You also have a child in nursery full time when you don't work full time in the first place and aren't working at all currently and won't be for some time. You could save money by cutting nursery hours and having your first DC at home with you for a couple of days and then increase again when you're back at work.?

If you do actually want to sort out finances, there's a lot you can look at doing! But if you don't want to make changes, then nothing will change.

As a PP pointed out you were able to do this because of government subsidies which childcare and child benefit which we are not entitled to.

But those are not worth the £40k+ plus gap in our finances, not even close. One of you must be earning in excess of £100,000 to not be eligible for anything, and if it was only slightly over you would salary sacrifice back down to get access to some of those benefits like TFC, so presumably it's far enough over that the benefits don't outweigh the extra income you receive anyway.

Your problem is that you're pleading poverty while sitting in what must be an £800k-£1m+ freezing house with a mortgage of that size, earning six figures, apparently unable to afford to buy a coffee, go to a baby class, or heat your home adequately but say you couldn't possibly live elsewhere.

You've made that choice. We can argue all day about whether it's right or fair that you can't afford this particular lifestyle, but it doesn't change the fact that you can't.

You could buy a detached 4-bed house outright within 30-45 mins of a major city somewhere else for £350k. I refuse to believe your DH has no transferable skills to allow him to work anywhere other than London for a decent salary, which would give you a much nicer lifestyle. If his job doesn't allow you to live the lifestyle you want in the first place, then what's the point of grimly holding onto it?