Exhausted with current situation - money issue

Move up north and role reverse. You work as a doctor, DH can get another job of some sort or be a stay at home dad and save on childcare - you could live well in the north east on just your consultant salary.

Maybe it's time to consider a relocation for a better, more economically eased way of life? I know that sounds radical but there is no need to continue in such misery. Maybe the universe (and the cost of living) is giving you an opportunity to consider something different, more qualitative and affordable. I hate the fact that you're working so hard and seeing so little for your efforts. Sometimes an about turn can be perfect but you really do have to choose it. I wish you well with it in any case, concentrate on getting joy and time back into your life.

It’s tough and I really feel for you but everyone is squeezed, try and get out of London. Lots of places are commutable to London and you and your children will have a better quality of life.

@Completelyjo yep I agree- but no one forced them to buy a 1.5 mill house- and have such a massive mortgage- I have every understanding as to why they might have wanted to buy in London and don't disagree with doing that - but back in 2020 when they bought they could have bought a perfectly nice 4 bed family home in many decent areas for £900k or so - they had a big deposit - nor why last year the OP was debating whether it was worth buying the £30k kitchen etc - the OP clearly has flash tastes without the millionaire bank account and it's bitten them on the arse - it's not jealousy by the way- I don't like the idea of the OP or her kids living in a cold house with no money to do even basic fun things- I think she needs to look sideways -

@Winter2020 - thank you for explaining- I can see that's pointless- she either needs to flog it then and downgrade a bit - or use the basement for a live in nanny or rent the basement flat out

We had kids who are now 18 and 20 and honestly even then the cost up to school age was unbelievable. So many mums stopped working for the 4-5 years and then found it hard to get back in. We both worked full time and in the end had a nanny for 2 of the years - which was insane with taxes too. Honestly though when the the first was at school and the second hit 2 we brought in an au pair and nursery for one and suddenly we were fine again. You potentially have 2 more years to go. You can do it x

we don’t just look after him, he lives with us full time and we have to pay for everything for him as his mom and dad don’t contribute at all. We don’t go out for food, just a couple of drinks and we’re lucky enough to have my MIL living round the corner and she will watch him the two hours we’re out for.

what I’m trying to get at is OP is complaining about not having any money when she’s a doctor who contracts out to the NHS and her husband earns a fairly decent wage for them to live in the house they do in London where prices are sky high and wages are more when there’s people who work FT out of London scraping by on food parcels because they can’t afford not to work because of the COL

A few people have suggested the OP should rent her house out. The OP seems to be aware of this being not viable due to the tax implications but to explain to others...

The OP would need to do a self assessment for the income from letting her property.

To use some round figures to illustrate the tax due: imagine OP's mortgage is 4k each month and 2k is mortgage interest and 2k is reducing the capital owed. Imagine the house rented out for 4k each month covering the mortgage exactly.

The OP and her husband would need to pay 40% tax (as higher rate tax payers) on the 2k each month reducing her mortgage capital owing so that's £800 each month.

Then they would owe 20% tax on the mortgage interest paid (40% tax and then 20% credited back) so £400 each month.

= tax due of £1200 each month or £14,400 each year even if the rent only covered the mortgage. It would be slightly less after the deduction of insurance/gas safety check/maintenance from profit but still a hefty chunk of cash to find for someone struggling with cash flow and likely cancelling out any benefit of renting somewhere cheaper themselves.

To be fair being able to afford your bills and childcare for date nights while having your grandson isn’t remotely comparable to the OP’s situation.
As out of touch as she is for moaning that she can’t afford a coffee so are you for suggesting that the financial situation between a young family with less equity at the start of their mortgage is remotely similar to someone looking after their grandchildren.

I can afford all my bills but the reality is despite us both working FT with two children in nursery we cannot justify the £100 for a babysitter on top the cost of a meal so we certainly aren’t able to have regular date nights and certainly wouldn’t be able to do it on one of us working 2 days.

This is the most challenging time financially with young family and childcare fees. When I went through this OP, it was awful. All I could do was head down, work hard and get through it.
A quick coffee at lunchtime, hopefully with an entertaining colleague.
Planned date nights at home. Lights off, popcorn etc.
This too shall pass. When your lovely children hit school, then big school, things will gradually ease up.

Good luck.

Hardly anyone can afford to live in London. What about all the teachers, nurses, police, social workers, etc? They all live outside and commute.

I still can’t get my head around you complaining about not being able to afford things with you being a doctor and your husband having a good job leaving you ineligible for the free nursery hours. COL is high everywhere not just London but other people manage to live on what they have coming in. My husband works for the NHS (band 2) and so did I (also band 2) until I was forced to give up work due to having to care for our grandson full time. We manage to pay all our bills, have date nights once a month AND pay for childcare (not eligible for 30’hours free as baby 10 months and 15 hours doesn’t kick in until January) on one FT salary, me working two days a week and a tiny top up from universal credit. Maybe think about downsizing if you can’t afford your mortgage and utility bills instead of complaining on here expecting sympathy

1. If you pay into your pension so that your take home is under 100k. This means you qualify for the funded childcare so both look at doing that.
2. Cancel nursery while you are on mat leave. Yes you might lose the place but you will probably be better off with a nanny anyway with 2 so save yourself 15k and spend more time with your toddler.
3. Husband look at other jobs. I work in the city and mostly wfh. This will also help with school runs etc.
4. Arrange your work to have fixed days, this reduces your waste spending money on childcare when you aren’t working.
5. Find things you and the kids enjoy which are free/low cost. Take picnics and have lovely days out and feel joy.

Would a nanny work out cheaper than nursery fees for 2? This would leave you free to accept shifts at short notice and you might even be able to have an occasional night out. You said it's a large house would you have the room to accommodate another adult?

Do you need to rethink on a bigger scale? You will find work wherever you go. If you move somewhere cheaper your husband could take a lower paid job and/or retrain. There is absolutely no point living in London in misery if you could be happier living on less elsewhere.

It is tough op.

I am sorry things are really not looking like things will get cheaper anytime soon…

It is probably not something to lightly consider but could you get some help from your parents? Financially? Or his? Maybe they can spare a few each months to get you through?

If not, I am afraid it is just like everyone else and to wait out the dreadful nursery years… it gets better after these.

Good luck op 🌺

OP you bought an expensive do-er upper house a few years ago and have apparently spent a fortune doing it up, at the same time as starting a family. Your current problems are the result of those decisions and not COL. That is not to blame you, we all make decisions that turn out to be unwise.
You are in the short term 'massive child care costs' phase of your life, but it should get better in the long run.
Please don't let the financial crap or comparisons with consultant colleagues prevent you from enjoying baby no.2. You are a high earner and it will come good int he end.

It isn't a government issue it's a cyclical issue. The market was long overdue an adjustment when the op bought.

I bought in 1981. Bottom of the marker.
Silly move in 1986 and broke even in 1993.

In 1993 bought a finished renovation when the builders went bankrupt. It was in an area under development and we took a risk. It came off. BUT it was finished because we were starting a family. I had a substantive job, DH was self employed. We had 50% equity and options if anything happened health or work wise. We had taken incremental steps and had headroom if two incomes dropped to one.

The op and dh made a choice. They now have to deal with the consequences and cut their cloth and/or their losses.

Hang on, you’re blaming OP’s predicament on the government that’s been in power for less than six months, but not on the last lot who merrily fucked us all for 14 years?

The trouble is the op bought at the top. Things have changed dramatically and they now have a semi complete renovation project that is not ready to sell in a falling market. It's an issue of misjudgement. Many did the same in 1989 and suffered. One would have thought that two very intelligent people might have done a better risk analysis.

@Dreambow "his job is very London centric. When I looked at the numbers we could move to commuter areas but the cost is now similar to London plus unreliable costly trains in the mix".

It all depends on where your DH works. You'd be surprised by how much cheaper it is to live in, say, Kent or parts of Surrey such as Epsom; many places have excellent, reliable, fast trainlines. I know people who have successfully moved to both areas in the past few years.

Now that the Elizabeth Line is working there are far more other options too: Twyford to Farringdon just under an hour for example

I'm older and can absolutely see why you'd prefer to stay in London - that's what we did because of my DH's job in central London and his need to be near Heathrow for overseas travel. But it was always a real struggle as we earned less than you and lack of any nurseries in those days meant that I either paid for more expensive childcare or didn't work until the children were at full-time school. Today I think that we'd probably have moved further out.

Perhaps you could take a longer look at options for bearable commuting for your DH? Presumably you would still get a good salary in any large hospital so could avoid the commute yourself.

My DD and DIL had horrendous nursery costs, they just sucked it up because they knew that it wouldn't last forever.

You have massively overextended.

This really OP. To be honest if you want to improve your lives you'll have to consider moving to a cheaper area.

I think it's a nightmare for everybody, and this government is just making it a whole lot worse! Ideology and resentment envy this government has only made me sad.

I lived through the 60's 70's and 80s that were bad, with power cuts, three day weeks, etc, but you could see a way out.

I saw this ideology we are now being dragged into without choice and no manifesto. In 1978, I went to Russia during the Cold War behind the iron curtain. I went there shortly before Kier Starmer went to Czechoslovakia. There were the ELITE who wanted for nothing, then the masses scratching around for an existence with almost nothing. They were living in fear of having an opinion or stepping out of line. This is his ideology Kier Starmers' government is heading for. He's going to destroy the uk by the time he is finished.

I actually don't see a way out for four years until the next election. By then, there will be so much damage we may never recover!

I feel sorry for my grandchildren and your children. What life will this be? We can only sweat it out!

Also if you can’t afford a coffee while you’ve still been on 90% maternity leave and likely enhanced leave anyway if you’re in a role earning well over 100k then how do you think you’re going to have 1.5k spare a month for nursery in however many months?
Either your issue is you don’t feel as well off as you thought you would by the time you earned X salary or you can’t actually afford to heat your home, buy the odd coffee or the occasional weekly £10 baby class. Two very different problems, if it’s the first I think everyone sympathises. Through a mixture of COL, kids and therefore essential expenses increasing I definitely have less spare cash for frivolities compared to when my wage was less than half it is now.
Or you’re in a 1.6M house not being able to “afford” to pay into a pension on a 150k+ salary or the occasional £4 a week coffee, in which case you really need to evaluate your lifestyle and choices.