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Original poster

Exhausted with current situation - money issue

361 replies

Dreambow · 21/11/2024 01:28

I don’t really know what to expect from this but please be kind.

We are a married couple both in professional jobs (doctor and DH works in the city - not a banker).
I have been contracting the last few years as NHS salary doesn’t cover enough outgoings.
We have a 2.5 year old and a 8 week old.

All we do is work work work. The cost of everything is eating up everything and we have several credit cards (interest free). We live frugally as we can but our outgoings are huge and have increased so much over the past two years. I am so worried that this is going to get worse over the next few years.

We have a large mortgage as live in London for DH work - since the rate of interest has gone up we are now paying £1200 per month extra. Still better off in the long run than rent and we are grateful for this.

Nursery fees were £1050 per month in Jan 2022 and now £1600 (£550 per month increase) for full time. This is for one child (not eligible for government help). Absolutely dreading when the second one starts nursery and when they go up again next year. This is for a cheap nursery - most are £2000 per month for one child full time.

On top of this energy bills and food bills all increased. We have a Victorian house and it’s freezing cold (apart from the ground floor which has underfloor heating). Currently 10 degrees in the house (not ground floor). No insulation (apart from loft) and heating bills are huge so try and turn off as much as possible but harder with children.

We never go out, no date nights (babysitter plus cost of going out would be too much. No coffees out, no meals out, no cinema. No holidays. Clothes from Vinted.

Our living costs have increased by around £2000 per month including increased mortgage £1200 month, increased nursery fees £550 month, energy and food bills etc

For the past two years I worked every weekend (apart from Christmas and Easter) and 2-4 days in the week. Some of my work is adhoc so unpredictable with childcare and have to put DC in nursery for full time.

I feel like we are working a lot harder but wages are not going up. Our outgoings have increased by £2000 month over the last two years but our lifestyles are much much worse.

We used to be able to go out for coffee/ meals/ cinema dates comfortably. We used to go on holiday a lot. We were able to buy high street clothes without thinking twice. House is currently freezing cold and on top of it all we also have a mouse problem (coming in from next door).

I know we are in a better position than some but I feel pretty down-beaten and exhausted with it all. I think inflation will back up again next year and I am not sure how we will financially and mentally manage it all.

To expect to have a better quality of life, working full time and working hard?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreambow · 21/11/2024 05:58

Thank you all for your useful replies and for being kind.

As I was contracting I am on maternity allowance which is not much but better than nothing. This is temporary so above is situation prior to maternity leave.

We have looked into moving out but DH and I do long hours (unable to compress). He has to go into the office and WFH is not encouraged so it would make nursery and later potentially school drop offs and pick ups viable if in London. I don’t think we could make it work out of London unfortunately as trains are too unreliable (and very costly).
Also I tend to work outside of London and need to travel really early to get there so being in London gives me the opportunity to do my job. If I lived out of London it would make by job unviable as I wouldn’t be able to make the hours work due to increased commute times.

We unfortunately do not have family close by - nearest in Wales but would not be in a position to help with childcare.

Really looked into a lodger as I think this would be really helpful but the cost of the energy bills needed to heat up house would outweigh the cost of a lodger in the colder months, which is crazy. Our house is very energy inefficient. Spoke to neighbours about coldness in house and they are similar and rack up huge heating bills over winter months/ heat up less rooms etc
We have insulated loft and blocked up fireplaces with chimney sheeps but I think it’s the external walls that are inefficient. The cost to insulate these would be crazy when I looked into it. Double glazed windows which has made some difference but not a lot. We probably should have replaced window boxes but couldn’t afford it. Our old house was Victorian but never had these problems and easier to heat.

OP posts:
partygarden · 21/11/2024 05:42

I feel the same, all we do is work.
We have a 6 year old at school and 1 year old in full time nursery. Costs are £1400 pm with the 15 hours free (thank god). After school/break clubs on top. My husband pays the mortgage/bills, it's about equal every month.

I work a corporate job in London- feel like the poorest person there! I'm always worrying about money. I'm on £55k but still nothing left over. Husband works ft.

I have £6k on the credit cards which I built up whilst on stat maternity leave- those last three months where I was paid 0 we still had clubs and summer camp to pay for plus the first months nursery payment etc.

It's boring. I don't want to be able to enjoy my money, days out, haircuts, even a facial once in a while (I literally look tired all the time), but alas not right now. Just pushing through this period.

I say to myself once our youngest is at school it will be much easier...

RosesAndHellebores · 21/11/2024 05:32

Have you explored a potential issue with your heating/looked into insulation? I lived in victorian houses for 35 years and they were sound and warm.

For context I paid £500pcm nursery fees, in London, for two days a week, THIRTY years ago.

It sounds as though you are overstretched. What are yours and DH's prospects? This will pass and it isn't unusual to feel the pinch when babies come along.

jellybe · 21/11/2024 05:30

Do you have to be in London for DH's job or could he work from home and go into the office one a week? If that's the case would it be better to move out to somewhere with lower house prices so your money goes further- dr are needed everywhere so you'd be able to find work where ever you decided to move to. Or could DH compress his hours so he could have one day at home a week with the kids so you are paying for 4 days of nursery instead of 5?

Nursery age is the hardest on the money side especially with two in nursery at the same time.

TerrificTea · 21/11/2024 05:29

What is your monthly mortgage payment. An increase of £1200 seems very high. It's that, that's probably eating into your income.

Cloudyb · 21/11/2024 05:23

I know how you feel OP. We have a fairly decent household income and the other day I was was thinking twice about buying a chocolate bar.

It sounds like you are already living pretty frugally. Could you move out? Is there any family who could provide some childcare for you?

I'd look at the cost of staying in London for you over 4 years (when youngest will go to school) and 10 years.

Agix · 21/11/2024 05:18

Not many people can afford to live in London.

Cam you give a breakdown of your take home and outgoings to get an idea of whether you're living beyond your means?

user1492757084 · 21/11/2024 05:15

Can you offer a student or young office worker a room to rent?

Contact the sustainable, insulation type charities and read up about saving on heating. Do all you can in terms of their advice.

Invest in second hand real woollen garments.

Take adivice on hot water bottles, electric blankets etc.

Learn from Indian Sikh charities about how to cook cheaper nutritious meals. You'll eat more pulses, vegetables and rice.
Eat canned tuna.

Your home will go up in value and once your children are into school hopefully things will improve for you.

Consider taking a holiday where you work as a doctor for a few weeks (accommodation supplied) and your husband cares for the children. Rent your home out for the couple of weeks.
Or investigate house swap for weekends.

username358 · 21/11/2024 05:01

If you're living beyond your means then move somewhere cheaper and commute like other people.

Fireworknight · 21/11/2024 04:58

Doctors are in demand everywhere. Can you move to somewhere with a cheaper mortgage?

Squiggles23 · 21/11/2024 04:31

It’s tough OP - the nursery years won’t be forever though and as soon as one goes to school it will improve a lot. Have you had maternity leave paid if you’ve been contracting rather than being employed full time?

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