Exhausted with current situation - money issue

Those nursery years are the toughest. Add to that coming out of low fixed rate mortgages and rates having shot up it really does feel like you have taken a step back in life. We have been there and done that and are out the other side. Stay strong. Once nursery years are over it does get a bit easier.

Are there things that can go on hold for a while (eg. Pension contributions) that can pick back up again after nursery?

It's insane isn't it?

We are both on around 75k each, one kid in nursery and one in school. London suburbs.

I've not had a holiday in literally years. I do a side business in the evenings to top up.

The thing to remember is that when nursery fees are done, you will be able to live better and also start socking hefty over payments into the mortgage to knock down the debt and interest you accrue.

Keep going, it will get better.

I have a friend who lives a nice life in London. He doesn't have kids and he and partner earn £100k between them. Kids are expensive, more people aren't having them nowadays.

It’s bloody tough. Some people will sneer because you obviously have high salaries but you have high outgoings too, some of which were hard to foresee and avoid.

If you can keep hanging on the nursery years will end and things will improve.

Is it absolutely essential to be in London - could your husband commute from a less expensive area? I know moving out is far from a magic bullet but it might be worth weighing up the pros and cons and seeing if you could have a better lifestyle in a cheaper area.

Congratulations on your baby OP! That's a lovely but emotional time all on it's own. It's especially hard with financial pressures and a cold house, so be kind to yourself. Are there any free baby meet-ups locally you could get to when you feel physically ready?

These early years with children are tough financially!! Agree with you though that the mortgage, heating and food cost increases over the last two years have been eye-watering, more so than the years before. I'm extremely grateful my DC are at school now and not in nursery. Saying that, nursery is a good social place for them plus it helps build a strong immune system for the future! It also gives you head space to work (after your mat leave) and currently gives you time with the baby.

Someone up the thread gave some advice about insulation charities, that might help with the fuel costs? I think these are the years you have to hold your partners hand tight and hang in there together. The finances will improve once the children are in school and you both have good career prospects which is a major long-term positive.

Would you consider night / weekend shifts to cut down on childcare? DH did nights, including weekends (not as a doctor though) and I worked standard office hours. This was 20 odd years ago, however it trimmed our childcare bills massively as DD was only in childcare about 20hrs per week but the only negative is that it reduces family time as we never spent any weekends together as a family (DH was either working or sleeping).

I also live in London and am surprised on a daily basis that anyone still lives here! Cheaper part of London maybe? We went from a "4 bed terrace for 1.5 million" type area to a nice bit of zone 4 where the same costs around 700k and the trains into town are very good. I don't have any advice that you've not thought of probably. Its nuts.

I feel the same as you OP and I think a lot of people will be. I do wonder if who is still buying Gail's and getting shoes from a shoe shop rather than the supermarket? We have a decent gaming income and cut these out at least a year ago. We looked at going to one of the historic royal palaces recently and it would have been £70 for all of us.

You're going through the toughest part of life right now. 2 young kids is super stressful on its own but it will pass and you'll miss them when they were young and sweet.

Is there no other way to avoid nursery costs? Working alternating shifts for example? I wish we had done that and perhaps we could have afforded a second child. What about an au pair?

Assuming your mortgage is huge if it has increased by 1200? I'm going to sound a bit tough here but it sounds like you're living beyond your means and have bought a house you can't actually afford? I wouldn't normally recommend selling but could you move away from London or downsize? Get a lodger?

Could you afford to buy a cheaper house further out and survive on just your dh's salary for a while? Wokingham / Reading has good rail links. I went very part time during the nursery years because it just wasn't worth the expense.

A lot of these threads pop up and the answer is always the same - it is nursery fees that are the issue.

Yes, it's a horrible time but once those years are over, you'll be far better off. It's temporary.

Personally I think childcare should be free but until that changes a lot of people will be in the same boat.

You need to make a choice. if you stay in London, adamant that you can't get work elsewhere, then this is life with a big mortgage and childcare.

If you are really genuinely unhappy, as highly educated people you DO have the option to move elsewhere. There are obviously jobs for doctors across the county. Your husband WILL have transferalble skills. Your children are young enough to move now with no impact on school etc. You need to make a choice.

Would love to do some maternity classes to help with mental health and get out of the house but they seem to have gone up to £10 per class and I can’t justify it right now.

Classes are a rip off and completely pointless for the DC. You get the same social opportunity for you doing toddler groups which are hosted by most church halls, or free/cheap meetups run by the likes of nct.

What does your DH actually do/earn? If you are a junior doctor thats not great money, definitely not "live in london with 2 DC".

You really have to be on crazy money to afford to live in london comfortably now. Dh and i earn £300k between us and we moved out when we had kids, the only people we know who stayed had family helping with childcare, family money, or had bought a long while back so had less mortgage. Most live in ex council or flats in not very trendy areas.

The childcare years are brutal but don't last forever and if you're paying out nursery with only mat allowance coming in you'll be far better off when you are back at work.

Perhaps you should be grateful the doctors got a 22% increase. My sector is struggling to pay 2.5%.

These are tough times. It's cyclical and children are very expensive.

Yeah cost of living has hit everyone really - hang on in there

@Dreambow what are window boxes and did you have a structural survey? If the poor insulation didn't come up, you may have some come back.

These are the tough years. Kids are expensive as you would have learnt from the first one. As soon as they go to school it will improve dramatically.