Exhausted with current situation - money issue

Is this a sort of pity post? Buying shoes from the Clarks outlet instead of going to an independent store?
What point are you trying to make exactly?

You could move to an highly insulated new build? My friend doesn’t even need to use her heating. Period homes are draughty. We have one too. It sounds like it is unaffordable for you to comfortably live there with two very young children. Time to move,

You are very high earners so the problem isn’t really that you don’t earn enough. The problem is that you can’t really afford the house you own. I imagine it is very big and very expensive.

You would be able to afford it without the nursery fees so in some ways this problem would go away in time if you can manage to make it work for a few more hard years. Or you could discuss moving to a cheaper, smaller house that you can afford to properly heat alongside paying extortionate nursery fees.

I think you've really got to bite the bullet on the house, whether it is sell up and move, or insulate. 10 degrees is awful.

It sounds like there is no easy answer there, but you need to do something. Can you ask a surveyor or architect to do a report on it to start off with? It would be a first step towards making a constructive decision about what to do next.

The other option is to remortgage to extend your term - we've done 37 years term in the past during tough childcare years

Your current situation is making you miserable and doing nothing is not an option

This is precisely why people are choosing to not have children, they are now unaffordable. My dd has said she is not even considering it, why put yourself through pregnancy and labour, feel exhausted every day and pay exorbitant fees to feel broken most of the time. The next generation are watching and want no part of it.

If the government would like future generations they are going to have to do far more to incentivise potential parents.

by the sound of it, you are exceptionally high earners and well off. Funny how you rattled down all your outgoings but no word of money coming in. Meh, cry me a river.

Looks like housing is a big expense. If you cannot afford to live in London, then move. Most people cannot and therefore don't.

You can move out of London. Two professionals would get a job anywhere in the country. If you don't want to leave London then that's different.

Mic always come in from next door :-), everyone with mice says that.

Would a nanny be cheaper than a nursery?

I think you need to crunch the numbers quite carefully with moves out. Public transport is loads more expensive, as are children's activities and sports clubs often. You may need to go from 0 to 2 cars.

We find all that stuff much cheaper in London than outside. If it works, then great, but you need to go quite far to get out of the leafy commuter belt which is also expensive and move your centre of gravity completely away from zones 1-6- as a Pp said places like Bromley might work better and mean no massive commute.

I agree that you should consider moving right away. Not trying to stay in reach of London but actually away. There are so many lovely areas outside of the SE with vibrant city living, culture etc but house prices will be nowhere near what they are in London. You're a consultant Dr and your husband is presumably well qualified. Regardless of why or how you've ended up in this situation this is choice: think big and make pro-active changes or stay and bemoan the CoL. You've got a lot of years yet of childcare costs. Do you really want to waste a decade living as you are now?

Something is very wrong in this country when a doctor and second professional worker are living like this . It's all very well saying oh yes London is expensive but unless London is to be filled with Oligarchs something needs to change . The economy is tanking , costs are surging and I have zero confidence in labour to improve anything .
Where are normal people on normal salaries supposed to have rewarding lives .

You say you can't move because of the commute costs but is your dh's job only available in London? Gently, if really question that. There are large financial centres in Bristol, Manchester etc. Other cities have cheaper areas especially if your dh can tolerate a 30-45 min commute.
Does he earn as much as you? If your a consultant with most specialisms you might consider going back to the NHS and focusing on boosting your earnings by being full time/focusing on additional SPA's or picking up unsocial hours. Dh can then compress hours/drop a day and pick up the domestic stack?
Nursery years after the worst.. I didn't really have any expectations of having a decent lifestyle whilst I had young kids. It's expensive and knackering...

Good lord. Your lifestyle is really being affected here, you only get one life and personally I wouldn't want spend it worrying endlessly about Money. I'd be completely relocating somewhere much more out of the expensive south tbh.

How much equity do you have in your house? Could you potentially by a house outright in another part of the country?

I think you should consider a move and a move of jobs to local jobs. The salaries will be much lower, but your costs would significantly reduce.

A friend of mine gave up her clinical role in the NHS and now works at home for a regional ICB.

In house nurseries are also a good shout. You can usually salary sacrifice to pay for them which is super tax efficient.

Not all of London is expensive, it really depends on whether you're central or in zones 4/5/6. The outer boroughs of London gives you more affordable homes with a shorter commute time. This is more feasible than moving outside London to somewhere like St Albans. The train costs alone will wipe out any significant savings.

@Dreambow look at places like Sidcup, Bromley, Petts Wood, Chislehurst, Hither Green. These are all zones 4 - 6 in South East London with straight trains into several London termini such as London Bridge etc.

It's no surprised that you could afford to go out and spend more 2.5 years ago - you weren't paying 2 lots of nursery fees and presumably weren't paying for the extra bedrooms.
You've chosen to live in THE most expensive city in the uk whilst having children on average salaries. Something has to give. I'd be looking at relocating as you can work anywhere and doctors are in demand. DH can commute in or get a new job.

We're on just over £100k between us, 2 kids, and have a nice life in London- you definitely can do. But the key is housing costs- we were lucky to have bought a modest 3 bed terrace in an uncool location 11 years ago and didn't upsize, so the mortgage is very affordable (and the area is now much cooler...). For your mortgage to have gone up that much OP are you in a really bougie area?

One of the disadvantages of that as well is that everything else is more expensive- and there's a temptation to try and 'keep up' at fancy baby classes and cafes. Most of our friends earn similar as well so comparisons are limited, & no one earns 300k like a PP said was essential!

We have always done a lot of free stuff with the kids- it's one of the great things about London that museums etc run constant free events. Can you have a look at these instead of baby classes? If you turn up to the same thing every week you will meet people.

I think you've had some really good suggestions here but shifting to a cheaper area, and sitting tight until nursery fees start to drop are the main significant options. Has your DH properly explored compressing hours? Lots of men say they 'can't' when really they mean they don't want to ask/worry it might harm their career. Which of course women have always worried about.

How sbout getting a permanent job as a,consultant in London. Lots of the hospitals have nurseries attached and I think the fees are cheaper / subsidised for staff. That's what one of my friends did.

Definitely! Right down to the freezing house. £2,000 increases in living costs is nightmarish. We are in a similar position with mortgage shooting up, nursery increasing, I was made redundant at the end of second maternity leave and jobs in my sector are thin on the ground – plus it’s so much harder when you have one kid in nursery, one in school, you’re used to a flexible job where you’ve paid your dues.

We have moved outside London though so it bites a little less. The pay-off for this is DP commutes, pickup and bedtime falls to me, and this impacts my work.

Re the freezing house, try that window film stuff you apply with a hairdryer to make tight. (Can’t think of the name!) It does cut draughts. Keep doors to rooms shut to create pockets of heat. Add thermal lining to curtains – you can buy ones that you just hook on, no sewing. Big thermal curtain over the front door. Close curtains before it gets dark and the temp drops. Big jumpers, silk thermals, hard-soled slippers for everyone. We’re all much toastier for these actions and a warm house makes all the other shite – budgeting down to the penny, no treats, work work work – feel less horrendous.

I might have missed this but could you take a nursery break whilst you are on maternity leave? Then save the money you arent paying?

Also, not sure if this would work for a dr but I'm a nurse and when my kids were little I worked nights around my husband's work to cut down on childcare. Was tiring as I tended to do one shift after having the kids home with me, then a day in nursery whilst I slept then I'd do Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday nights, and stay awake on the Monday until dh got home and have an early night. Meant only forking out for one day nursery.

It is crap...a doctor and another full time working person should be able to afford a decent standard of living and treats such as coffee out, haircuts, maternity classes. It should feel that working is worth it and not just working to pay bills

This.
You need to move out of London.
Even abroad could be an option?
If you insist on staying you are accepting this is the cost and the lifestyle you can afford in the location you have chosen.
I'm sorry it's so tough.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Complete the budgeting spreadsheet on money saving expert, see where you can make savings. Look at cheaper swaps when monthly mobile/ utility deals come to an end. Shop in aldi/lidl and sell any old kids toys/clothes for the next stage up.

Make sure you get cash back for any online purchases. Consider a childminder or nanny instead of a nursery as they might work out more cost effective for 2 kids. Childminder worked out cheaper than a nursery when my two were younger.

https://stormwindows.co.uk/five-ways-to-make-a-period-home-warm-and-cosy/