Exhausted with current situation - money issue

Oh Op, we were in the same position, its a very tough time with young kids, we felt so much much more vulnerable too. All decisions are risky when the kids are very young. Indeed, the inflation and interest increase are double hit. They hit young family with big mortgages the most. Its so so much more expensive compare to 3 years ago.

Would a family loan be available for 3 winter months. Its scary that even £5k loan could go so very quickly and easily so you would need to ration it well(Eg. just for the heat and coffee out to keep you well and sane). Dont make any hasty decision right now because you are overwhelmingly with the new born and hormones. And indeed £1600 nursery is very very cheap. I paid £1850/month for the nursery in Canary Wharf 15 years ago, I have to bring my daughter with me everyday so that I could drop her soonest(8am) and pick her latest(6pm), I work in banking. 5 years later for our 2nd child we afforded to pay £1900/month nursery (we live in Richmond) PLUS a £500/month nanny to drop then pick up because we both work long hours. We didnt have any saving those years. Nursery was our choice both time because the kids love it.

Another way temporarily easing the situation is to ask the bank to just pay interest for few months during these winter months, it helps to relieve some monthly payment and free up some cash.

Almost every one is in the same position who bought a house 3-4 years ago at peak price and low interest and now have to remortgage with much higher rate. Cash is low because buying a house often come with hidden other costs. We are in the same position too. It will get better and the choices will be better.

Not of her making entirely but she has many options given her circumstances.
She is not living in a tiny 2 bed flat .

Disingenuous response and completely untrue....
Try this....
World wide pandemic
14 years of conservative horror management
Ruined economy by conservative prime minister and mates
Ensuing cost of living crises.
Choosing to live in the capital and liking that.
Rigidity re relocation and lifestyle changes.
There are lots of helpful suggestions on here but in my experience sometimes you have to choose what you desire...ie less pressure. Quieter life etc.

I am fully supportive of OPs dilemmas and the awful situation shes in. Stress is real and I hate that she's feeling it. OP I'm wishing you well in this. The situation is not one of your making. See above.

Me neither.

I've actually never been able to make a chicken last all week (or the veggie alternative)

TBH its pretty similar to my memories of that time with young children. If one of us met up with otherparents and DC it was either in the park (good weather) or at each others' houses. Nights out were rare - every penny went to pay the bills and childcare (no free hours in those days on any salary).

Social lives were more likely to be with friends in our own houses often on a "pot luck" basis. All our friends were in similar positions, early stage careers but starting families. Ten years later it was a different story but in those early years I really could make the proverbial chicken last all week (or rather the veggie equivalent in my case).

I also remember friends who took risks which I thought were insane (remember the fiasco of the 120% roll up mortgages?) and who came a cropper in much the same way as the OP. None of them were quite so mad as to buy into 4000 sq feet in need of renovation just at the point of starting a family. One friend came mighty close with a roll up mortgage on a listed building in need of "updating" without doing a full structural survey and whilst number three was on the way. Took them over a decade to get out of that debt and I've always put the divorce down to that overextension.

You’re right, OP would be much much better off on benefits than her 200k plus household income and 1.6M fixer upper…

@cestlavielife yes and that is an option too -

I hope people are kind with you.

I am a qualified accountant, trained for years on poverty wages. Not dissimilar to being a medic, but not as altruistic a choice!

It was absolute hell early in my career, working stupid hours, massive stress, with small children, sky high nursery and mortgage costs. To top it off, we couldn't afford anything extra. I pushed around my daughters in a crappy hand me down pushchair, and wore second hand primark quality clothes to work in a professional office. I'm not expecting sympathy, I'm just trying to paint a picture of 'the grind".

It's one thing to be poor, it's another to be working your arse off in a difficult, supposedly lucrative career for no reward. It feels like being completely trapped.

Fast forward a few years (mine are now 18 and 21) this will end well. It will resolve. Hang in there. Your childcare costs will taper off and then end. Your mortgage will get proportionately less of your income. You will still be a high earner and you will have a promising future for your children.

It's tough right now, but hang in there.

You might get grief because whereas everyone has had it tough, some people are really struggling to eat and heat. But you rightly expected you'd done the right things not to be in that situation. I was resentful 20 years ago. But now I'm happy with my choices.

You are not wrong OP. In this country, the only people struggling are the ones who try and support themselves. You are killing yourself working to pay for those who get everything for free.

Many years ago, as a time poor lone parent and with a very demanding directorship role, I was in a similar situation and decided to have an au pair. It really worked - way cheaper, no nursery fees, no stress of drop offs and was able to have the odd night out! She was lovely and just great to have around.I appreciate this was some time ago, but I remember our quality of life (and my finances) improved dramatically. Could be worth looking into.

Move to the North. Why fixate on London?; It is a killer.
Beautiful places to live don't have to be down south and your jobs can take you anywhere

Exactly. Op has many options as has a huge house four floors six bed . Invest in making one or two self contained apartment (s) rent out and voila. Income increases by 3k a month. No need to move.

I think some are missing the point - it isn't that OP can't live in London- it's that she can't live in a 6 bed house and spending money on renovations and that level of heating- I suspect this couple are on £200k a year or close- it's the choices here that are the issue- not the income or the COL - yes she thought they could manage it because they had a game plan but clearly it's too much -

Can you move to a cheaper part of London ? A flat rather than a house? East/southeast/northeast London? A large new (newish) build flat will save massively on energy costs and flats are cheaper than houses.

I agree, it's sadly nothing new though. Personally I think there should be housing set aside from certain professions, or something to make it accessible.

OP although life is pricey anywhere at the moment living in London is a huge factor. I'm not saying move away, but we live an hour from London and live somewhat comfortably in a nice area with brilliant transport links on less. It shouldn't be this way, as has been said in your roles you should be able to live comfortably enough, but sadly it's not going to get better anytime soon.

Wow if you are struggling what hope is there for the rest of us. I mean that sincerely OP. I would seriously consider moving out of London, you can find work anywhere, could your partner commute or find a similar job elsewhere? You’re clearly working very hard you should be able to enjoy the odd date night or at least have a warm home.
Good luck, I hope you work something out so you can have some money to enjoy your life.

OP reading back over your earlier posts it seems like some of the decisions you made may have contributed to where you are now.

You mentioned making a significant profit from the sale of your first home and choosing to invest all of it into a renovation project—a "doer-upper" that was larger than your needs, with the expectation of selling it, down the line, for a substantial profit.

It also sounds like the costs of the renovation exceeded your expectations due to rising material costs. This, combined with the addition of two children and an economic downturn, has made things even harder.

The economy is always subject to cycles of growth and contraction, and the assumption that the good times would last indefinitely seems to have been a gamble that didn’t pay off for you.

Life is so shit now for many you’ll get people saying think yourself lucky etc but a doctor and city worker should be able to live comfortably. Just try and hang on until nursery years are over. That will make a huge difference.

I actually think “coffee culture” is a symptom of society and the housing situation though.
“We invited mothers and their babies to our houses”. Cool for you but many people have to start in flats these days or flat shares and live in them for way longer than they did 30 years ago.
30 years ago my parents had me in a semi detached 3 bed house with a large garden with low skill jobs after leaving school at 14, by contrast I went to uni and did a professional job as did my husband and we owned a 1 bedroom flat when we had our first baby. No space for hosting mothers and babies so it was pay a tenner for a baby class and another £4 for a coffee or have no opportunity to meet people.
In my 20s I lived in flat shares which was obviously worse for having friends over.

My daughter is 32 now & I don’t recognise the picture you paint of 30 years ago.

I agree that coffee culture wasn’t such a thing but my husband and I certainly had date nights where we got a babysitter and went out for dinner/cinema/etc. I also met up with friends for meals & drinks out, if not coffees.

And we lived in London at first. I actually think it’s pointless so many people advising OP to move out of London when they have stated that’s not something they want to do due to partner’s job. Two highly paid professionals can afford to live in London and millions do. OP & their partner may want to downsize if things are that tight with their current outgoings but they don’t need to move away from the city they work in. They could downsize to a 4 bed house and still be better off.

Vis a vis not being able to afford a coffee, 30 years ago there was no coffee culture. We invited mothers and their babies to our houses and made coffee and served biscuits. We took it in turns.

Nobody expected to spend money on shop bought take away coffees. Just saying. Similarly 30 years ago, we had a bottle of wine on a Friday night as a treat. We didn't expect date nights. We were just glad to have each other, a baby and a home in London. I was a banker at that time and we were lucky compared to many of my colleagues who weren't independently wealthy.

Our son is nearly 30. He and his wife have relocated to a nice Northern Town, admittedly for his job. Their quality if life there is better. I suspect they will be overseas within two years.

Our dd is 26 and teaching. Her bf is a professional and a trustafarian. I suspect they will be overseas within a couple of years.

Our DC are privileged. Neither have notions about six bedroom, 6 bathroom houses in London at this stage. And won't for many years, if ever.

Journalist and hospital consultant here. Moved out of London to have our kids. But what nobody tells you is it will improve and quickly. Hang on in there. Childcare costs will fall fast. Both your salaries will rise. Lots of great job opportunities in London. House will increase in value faster than anywhere else in the country. Don’t compare yourself with other Londoners. That way madness lies.
You will look back on this time and wonder how you did it. But it all gets easier from here on in.

Our COL has gone up a similar amount and it’s very stressful! We aren’t in London but doing anything enjoyable / going on holiday just seems out of the question. Getting the eldest to school came at the same time as the mortgage increase so every-time we think we’re getting a break we don’t!

I hope it gets better for you - I’d be keen to know if it does for a bit of hope.

Others might have mentioned the government warm home scheme if there’s anything in that for making the house more energy efficient without the monumental cost!

When do you plan to go back to work?

I know this might sound mad, but once you return, and assuming you'd be working regular days, would you consider taking your older child out of nursery and getting a nanny? Pretty sure that would be less costly than two sets of nursery fees.