To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

I honestly think it's madness and don't know how people do it. I was dying to move out and have my independence, so I did that when I was 19 (10 years ago) - whereas my brother is 25 and my sister is 22 and both still live with our mam and don't seem to have any intention of moving out any time soon. I don't know if it's a cost thing or they just simply don't want to - I had a minimum wage job when I left home and there was times it was definetely a struggle but I wouldn't of changed a thing as I loved my independence. Not sure if it's their generation or what?

Another thing that baffles me is neither of them are bothered about learning to drive, which was another thing I did the second I was old enough to and couldn't imagine it any other way! I know lessons are more expensive now but they were still £15/£18 when I was learning and I was on £3.64 an hour...

How old were you when you left home OP?

I left home when I was 16, but that was 1995. Times are different. My sister moved away a few times, but always ended up moving back home. It wasn't until she met BIL and they bought a house that she was able to move out properly. She was 32.

DSD was the same. Moved out for good when she was 29, and she moved in with her now DH.

YABU btw.

From a dating perspective, a man who still lives with his parents past the age of 25 is a turn off (for me).

I moved out at 19 and never looked back.

There were times when I was living off my student overdraft and credit cards, but it was all worth it. I could not have had the 20s I had if I lived at home with my parents.

Out of interest, how old are you op?

Rent here on a 1 bedroom flat £1100 a month and an annual bus pass bought by direct debit £792. People now have to be either earning a lot of money or in a relationship because on top of the rent you still have bills, food and clothing yourself. Is it any wonder people are living at home now until they are older.

My 20 something kids both rent in capital cities. They manage and rent is extremely high. There's no family money for them to rely on or fall back on.

All this kids cant afford to move out isnt true. Mine are very tight with their finances due to necessity. If 20 or 30 somethings want a car, holidays, expensive trainers, they wont be able to pay rent. If they want to be independent they have to give a lot up. Its a choice.

Just for context about affordability and scarcity of flats. My son moved to a different city for his first graduate job after graduation. It took him six months to even get a viewing of a flat - most viewing slots were taken within an hour of listing and were typically limited to 6 viewings of 10 minutes each within a particular hour. No choice, no flexibility. If you were one of the first 6 to ring, you'd be given a slot and if you couldn't make it, tough!

He told the agent at the viewing that he wanted it, to be told he had to put in a "bid" and that all six bids would be put to the owner who'd decide who they'd give it to. The bid had to include the rent he'd be willing to pay (minimum list price, but told he'd need to offer more), how many months in advance he was able to pay, plus full details of his job and earnings (contract of employment and payslips) etc! Son bid 10% over asking price and offered to pay a year up front! Apparently, he only just won it as someone else was offering similar but only six months up front!

I really don't think people realise not only how expensive rents are, but also how hard it is to actually get a place to rent in some places.

Some of his graduate peers at the same place had to live in hostels for months until they managed to find somewhere to rent.

So it's no surprise that lots of young adults still live at home, especially if "home" is within commuting distance to their work. The price and scarcity of flats to rent is certainly limiting the career/life prospects of people who are living in areas where there are poor job prospects as they simply can't afford to move and live in the areas where job prospects are better as rents etc are usually far too expensive in popular areas for young adults in trainee/graduate roles.

Trebuchet : the trebuchet was one of the top choices for parents in ancient and medieval times, having the ability to throw 18-year-olds farther than earlier catapults could.

I think there's a very big spectrum of people between 'never moved out, mummy still does their washing, wouldn't know where to start setting up their own utility bills' and 'moved home after a life event like a relationship ending or a job change because it's financially impossible to live alone in their area'.

People who've never moved out by their thirties, yeah, I do wonder if they're going to feel the lack of life exprience when they finally end up house sharing or cohabiting with someone else - there's a lot you learn living 'on your own' and you become a lot more self-sufficient.

Those who've moved home for other reasons - well, they've usually learned those lessons already and are more capable generally.

It's the people whose parents still do everything for them, don't make them contribute financially, etc I do raise an eyebrow at - my sister was one of them and is finding the most basic 'sharing a house with someone' compromises and financial requirements absolutely intolerable now because she's never learned how to be an adult.

So really it's not about where they live, it's how they behave, whether they were living at home or not - if they are coddled adult-children who can't do anything for themselves then yes, I judge. Otherwise, no: life's expensive.

Well, I agree with your post title- it does indicate a lack of independence, because it's not possible for them to live independently.
But no it often doesn't indicate a lack of maturity- it's systemic factors not individual ones.

I have a 26yr old at home. As a single person He doesn't earn enough for a mortgage even with a good deposit saved.

He can stay as long as he likes as far as I am concerned. He pays his share of the bills, looks after himself, helps me out if I need him to. He's no trouble at all and very independent.

My 23yr lives away in a shared flat. But rentals are ridiculous. You have to bid on them, have a guarantor, have a specific income (in his case it was 85k between the 3 of them) and even then they lost lots before finally getting successful. DS is a student and student loans don't count as income, he was very lucky that his two (same age) flatmates earn really good salaries.

Personally I think that if you are the kind of parent who 'mollycoddles' their adult offspring you will do that regardless of their living arrangements.

They were talking about this on TV the other day and apparently the estimates are that out of the people in their 30s who are living with their parents:

A third of that number are living with their parents because of a lack of resilience/independence or have anxiety/SEND issues or can’t/don’t want to find work.

A third are living with their parents due to financial reasons such as saving up enough money to move out and/or to avoid extortionate rent prices.

A third are living with their parents on a temporary basis due to a sudden change in life circumstance whilst they get things sorted. This would include things such as divorce, long-term relationship break up, house move or house renovation, sudden accident or illness, needing a refuge for their children quickly, location or job move or temporarily needing to study or get a qualification. These group aren't people who have or want to be living with their parents long-term but are whilst they get ducks in a row.

The lack of maturity that I see here is in the OP's post tbh.

Why the need to adversely judge everyone over 30 who lives with a parent?

YANBU.

I don't disagree. I think everyone should be ejected by some kind of ejector seat the moment they turn eighteen, and that, in the full knowledge of this, they should work towards acquiring the skills they will need for independence.

Good for you. I wish I’d focused on myself more at that age instead of chasing romance.

God almighty, no. Are you just trolling? I know many people of that age who would give anything for their own space. But, rents are completely extortionate and the deposit needed for a mortgage these days is eye watering. I can’t think how anyone could think that this is anything else other than simple maths. There’s really no need to be so unkind.

I'm glad people aren't settling for crap relationships just to double up on income.

This!!

My kids can stay as long as they like. They’ve both tasted independence (and liked it) at uni but eldest is back with me (younger still at uni). He has his own life though, lots of friends and a gf, so it’s not as though he can’t cut the apron strings. I don’t want him to rent as then he’ll never be able to buy. My home is their home for as long as they want it or need it.

Living with parents into your 30s and even beyond is only weird in the Western world. In many places its totally normal.

I’m 29 and just moved back in with my parent’s in the Home Counties after being dumped by my fiance.

I work in London. I’m on £65k so have done okay job wise but nothing spectacular considering I was one of the brightest students in my class at school. I genuinely derive no meaning from work so why kill myself to climb up the corporate ladder? For what? I could rent a nice enough room in a flat share but then I would have to put up with all the pitfalls that go along with that.

When I walk through the door into my parent’s home I genuinely have people excited to see me, every evening we share a nice meal with a glass of wine. Oh and cuddling up to the dogs in front of the fire is genuinely good for my well being. I could have all that or go home to an empty room in a small flatshare after forced socialisation with friends/colleagues in yet another pub or bar.

I’m considered conventionally beautiful (spoke to a modelling agency as a teen) but many men are being influenced by “red pill influencers”. As an independent woman in her late 20s I’m considered undersirable. Many of the guys my age on the apps are men children and only after one thing.

So I’m going to save up for a house deposit and forge my own damn path. Maybe I’ll adopt in a few years and move north. Fuck societal norms. I am starting to not care at all to what I “should be doing”.

YABU.

Me and OH were still living with our respective parents until our mid 30s. We were very much independent, both had professions, both been working since leaving school in demanding roles, basically just using our respective homes as "lodgings" rather than expecting our parents to cook and clean for us. For us, it enabled us to save to buy a "forever" home which we did when we got married in our late 30s. We'd not have been able to do that if we'd rented together as we'd have wasted so much money paying off someone else's mortgage. As it was, we both paid a fair share of the household costs of shared food, utilities, etc., just not towards rent/mortgage as our parents had already both paid off their mortgages. For us it was a means to an end. We certainly didn't take advantage or try to live "on the cheap" at someone else's expense.

That's completely different to "child-adults" who can't look after themselves and still rely on their parents for everything.

Many reasons for this OP.
Does it affect you personally or are you just judging others?

You can think what you like, but be prepared for others with more knowledge to find your opinion ignorant. There are many reasons why someone might still live at home. Financial pressures, caring responsibilities or needs...it's really not your place to issue blanket judgements on how others live their lives.

For the vast majority that will not be the case.