To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

I think in your 30s is fine. You might flit back and forward between jobs and relationships whilst your career is growing and don’t have the means yet. However, I would say, if you are still at home in your 40s then that’s really failure to launch.

No it's the money

....plus they know if the adult kids move out then they are left with just their husband at home and they don't want that

I think lack of independence is a consequence of living at home rather than a reason for it. I agree it’s a problem though, hard on everyone concerned.

Mmmnn., i actually disagree with you there. IME i know a few mums who have put their kids off moving out over the years and now wonder loudly why their adult kids are still at home. ..the truth is it suits the parents as they use the adult kids as emotional crutches but would never admit it in a million years

I’m gonna guess that you come from a place of privilege. Rents are insane, have you seen them lately?

People in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence money

Lacking in money more like. I moved out in my 20’s but I can see how bloody hard it is for young people these days.

This is such nonsense. My next door neighbour lived with her parents till they died when she was in her 40's. She has always worked and now lives perfectly well on her own.

The idea that people must move out or there's something wrong with them is a strange one to me. I don't think you get that on the continent. I'd have loved to have a family that I was able to live happily with for as long as I liked/needed and that option will always be available to ds.

I ended up marrying the wrong person because I wasn't welcome to live at my parents and couldn't afford to live alone.

One of my neighbors was talking about this last weekend-her DD (31) and her partner are with them and it’s driving her slightly mad, she’s ready for them to move out.

I have to admit that I’d be abit concerned if my two (currently teenagers) were still living with us in their 30’s but it depends on the circumstances. They may have good reasons to be at home.

My nephew who is 32 and single was planning on buying a flat with his brother to allow them to get on the 'ladder'. Sadly, his brother (my other nephew) died suddenly so my DN is still living between his mum and dad's houses. He simply cannot afford to pay a mortgage/all the bills by himself as much as he wants to move out.

@AshCrapp

most people want their offspring to fly the nest when they become adults

My mum and I moved with my grandparents when my parents separated. My mum was only able to move out when she was 50 as my aunts husband was in a position to let her live in his flat. My mother is fiercely independent and mature. She simply didn’t have the means to rent on an open market on her salary. And that was almost 20 years ago!
And you also seem to forget that living in an isolated family unit is a fairly new phenomenon. My grandparents had my great Gand parents living with them at various points. My partners’ parents had three generations of family under the same roof. People lived in family clusters since the dawn of times. Was every civilisation on planet earth immature? What about indigenous tribes?

None of my children are doing that. Slightly different if they leave for a while and then return. But, long term - no!

Failure to launch. But its the parents I feel sorry for in many cases.

I was very independent and left home as soon as I could (barring a short period looking for a job). I now have a neurodivergent 18-year-old who is unusually independent and incredibly capable but needs a couple more years at home due to burnout. I am sure they will leave but they may also need to come back at times. And that's what I'm here for. :-)

It's incredibly normal in my culture to live with multiple generations and assuming overall everyone gets on it can be just so lovely! Yes there are ups and downs but wouldn't change it.

I feel exactly the same. I also enjoy having them here!
To be fair, even though they are now in their teens they are easy to live with and it just feels like a nice environment.
I would much rather they saved and were able to buy a secure home when they do leave.

What's it got to do with you?

30 years ago I would have agreed with you: now I'm not so sure. It's definitely much more financially punitive than it was in my day. Depending on where you live and what you do for a living I can believe its financially unmanageable for many people.

I don't think its great, though. I worry about people who lurch straight from living with mum and dad to getting married. I think its important for people to get some experience living independently without either their parents or a spouse or partner.

I lived either with friends/flatshares or on my own between the ages of 19 and 32 and I really cherish those years. Wasn't living anywhere near the lap of luxury and lived with some pain in the arse people but I'm glad I went through it. It frightens me that there are people who have only ever known being with their parents or being married: it renders a lot of people completely lacking in self-sufficiency.

We've employed 2 women in the last 5 years who've been in their 30s, still living at home and whose Mum's phoned in sick for them. Neither lasted more than 3 weeks as one couldn't cope with the travelling and the other didn't realise she'd have to talk to people in person........ she thought our retail showroom selling bespoke items would be phone based

In some cases it might be, but as you said in the OP, finances are a major roadblock these days. What are the alternatives? To live a pretty poor existence in a mouldy old flat share with a bunch of strangers you hate living with? There are also cultural reasons people do this too, and to some degree I can see the benefit of having extended family around all the time. If someone in their 30’s living with parents enjoys doing so, also where’s the judgement on maturity? It doesn’t always de facto mean someone is immature, no.

Whilst I'm sure there's some people living with parents past 30, it is not common, all of our 20 somethings have moved out and 2 are currently buying houses without parental help (the third is buying with help, not from me I should add, her fil)

Depends on the person and the circumstances.

There's always been adults who are immature/otherwise reliant on parents and won't move out. There's also always been adults who are perfectly capable of moving out but don't because of culture, preference, or circumstance.

There's a lot of people in their 30s still living with parents because housing costs are astronomical in relation to wages and because as a society we've decided to simultaneously saddle a large number of young adults with enormous debt in the form of university fees.

You're also ignoring how many young people do leave home but move back in their late 20s or 30s to save for a deposit for a house.

It's very unfair to compare what was 'normal' 40/50/60 years ago and treat that as the benchmark. For centuries before that people didn't leave the family home until they were financially able to. We're just reverting to that now.