To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

We did our extension on our home so our kids have their own personal space and bathroom so they can stay and save as much as possible when working ( long way to go as still in highschool) but i don't want them to have a big mortgage when they do eventually buy and I want them to ne able to save to be able to get a mortgage. They will pay rent / board but not a huge amount.
My Nephew is only 20 started his degree apprenticeship after A levels and has saved £30k already as he is of the same mindset as are his parents about saving saving saving and minimising your mortgage

I think this is a massive generalisation.

EDIT: This is coming from someone who moved out at 18.

It's the people whose parents still do everything for them, don't make them contribute financially, etc I do raise an eyebrow at - my sister was one of them and is finding the most basic 'sharing a house with someone' compromises and financial requirements absolutely intolerable now because she's never learned how to be an adult.

My DB is one of these. He’s 45, lives at home with DM. He doesn’t contribute a penny. DM buys all his food, makes his meals, does his washing and ironing. He flies off all over the world multiple times a year on expensive holidays, and fancies himself a ‘globetrotter’. He’s on a very good wage, but can’t move out because of the ‘housing crisis’ apparently.

DM moans constantly about the stress he’s causing and how she wants him to leave. She won’t accept that while she’s enabling him he will never want to move out. He’s taking the piss big time, and she’s letting him. But he doesn’t see that he’s doing anything wrong because he’s never been forced to grow up.

we could bring back conscription, that’d get em out earlier.

The idea that you must move out from your parents home ASAP after 18 is a very Western concept.

I'm from a culture where putting your elderly in a care home is practically a taboo. Even if your adult children move away temporarily, generally elderly parents will move in with one of their children (usually one of their sons) or the adult son and his wife move with his parents.

On my street, there are quite a few men in their 30s or 40s who live with their elderly parents.

Regardless of the cause (money or otherwise), when the day comes that a child in such circumstances leaves home, I expect many will struggle.

This!

I think that’s very key, them being easy to live with. I am lucky as mine are very easy to be around, even as teens (young adult now). If they were difficult then it might be another story. As a single mum I love having them here or I’d be rattling around on my own.

Between 2009 and 2023, the average weekly rent for private renters in England increased from £153 to £231. Just think about that! It means an average rent in 2023 was about £920 per month.

£231 a week is £1,001 a month.

A month is not four weeks.

Why have you started yet another of these threads. Stop 💩 stirring

We were very fortunate to be able to help DD1 buy her first home with her boyfriend. She's only just graduated so simply couldn't have done it without our help. So, she is nicely onto the property ladder at only 21.

But she knows that whatever happens, she can always, always come home. Just because she's now an adult it doesn't ever stop her being out child.

Thanks, I lived with parents for a bit after uni. I contributed to housework, cooked for myself and others etc

London rents have risen 31 percent since 2021. There are many jobs in London. If young people want to work there they're probably better off staying with parents.

Between 2009 and 2023, the average weekly rent for private renters in England increased from £153 to £231. Just think about that! It means an average rent in 2023 was about £920 per month. That's before council tax, bills, etc.. Food prices are up, travel costs more as does everything else.

Also supply outstrips demand. Estate agents and landlords can pick and choose. V tricky if you have a pet, and debt, low savings, low income and many other reasons.

So it's no surprise they're living with parents.

I think there is a large difference between

1. living at home in the same dynamic as when you were a teenager ie mum cooks, cleans, does your laundry, makes your bed

1. you live at home, regularly cook for everyone, do your own laundry, share the cleaning etc like you would in a typical house share - you just happen to be sharing with your parents.

The first is clearly lack of independence and will move out and expect their unlucky partner to continue to baby them.

The second is independent and pulls their weight. Much better option for a partner than the first.

Yep, this.
Some people treat living with their parents like a house share. Are you only classed as having independence if you live alone?
I live alone, and am not independent at all... I rely on my mum and partner to help me with day to day things, and had a team of MH workers in the past.

By your 30s yes I would assume that it was unless there was some longstanding need that needed parental involvement.

If it were said to be money, over 30? Get your act together. I would not understand it.

It really depends on whether it suits everyone concerned. As I said, my neighbor (62) is ready for her DD and partner to move out, partly because they also have their two younger children (mid-20’s) at home. They all went to university and do travel sometimes now, but it’s a lot for their parents to continue running the family home in their 60’s.
I think they’d like some peace!

Makes far more sense for society as a whole for various generations to support each other, as they have done for hundreds of years.

@Araminta1003 I agree that the dynamic can be mutually supportive, it all depends on the ppl involved.

I think assuming people should live the same sort of life as you is a sign of immaturity.

Are you in a relationship/have children? Is that how you think everyone should live? That’s a massively blinkered way of seeing things. There are so many, many people who do not live that way. I’d just stop judging, honestly, it’s a happier way of living.

Can't you live at at home AND be independent? Work, Pay rent, do your own food/laundry etc as you would if living with a partner...

Are you writing an article?

No, it does not indicate lack of maturity. It indicates a changing society. This whole nuclear family move out and be super independent may have been temporary. Makes far more sense for society as a whole for various generations to support each other, as they have done for hundreds of years.

Young adults with disabilities that can't live independently don't exist in the OPs world clearly.

The disabled are so very often an afterthought.

@ssd

I know what you mean, but I think it most instances the parents can’t wait to get their house back to themselves again!!

i moved back in with my mother in my late 30s after divorce and have zero intention of moving back out. We actually moved house together since and chose a house to fit all of us in.

We live more like a house share, and it suits me fine.

Not all of us are here temporarily.

YABU, and especially to assume that someone in their 30s that lives with their parents is not independent.
Many people are finding they are either leaving home later, or going back after a break up, or even go back as a couple so they can save for a house deposit. They live like housemates with their parents. You are just assuming that the parents are treating their offspring like a kid again and that everything is being done for them.
I know someone who moved back in with his parents in his 30s after a break-up, as he was in a posh city centre flat and could no longer afford the mortgage on his own. Both his parents have health issues that he can help with, and he manages to run his own business from their house. They recently moved into a new home, and he went with them.
I used to be a hospital cleaner, and quite a few men that were cleaners still lived with their mums well into their 40s and 50s. Looking back, they were ND and/or had a level of learning disability.