To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

I'm in my 50's and when I was in my 20's I didn't have one friend who didn't buy a flat/house. So much easier then.

@autienotnoughty In two years her and her dp have saved 10k

That's only 2.5k each a year saved whilst not paying rent and working.... I'd be pretty pissed off about having to lend them an extra 5k tbh

I think it is well, where I live anyway where flats are cheapish to rent.

Interesting @henlake7 Has your brother ever had a serious relationship? I couldn’t be with a man like that. I assume his elderly parents are the ones cooking and cleaning for him !

@henlake7 he sounds like he might be depressed. Wonder what his "crappy" job is that you judge him for? Does he judge you for all the times you missed opportunities in life or are you perfect...

I used to think this until I made friends with a young man at a gym and he suddenly bought his first house at 33 after saving up 130k. I though he was just a bit sad and liked living at home and not going out much.

I think there is a difference between living at home for financial reasons or to care for elderly relatives and being unable or unwilling to be independent.

My brother is 55 and never moved out. Pays a tiny amount in rent and gets all his washing and meals done for him. He doesn't help my elderly parents with anything and has a crappy job because he has refused all the opportunities he has ever had. He couldn't cope financially or emotionally with living alone.
He has never had to make any 'grown up' decisions and is basically a giant man baby.....

Yeah I wouldn’t mind a man who lives with his parents depending on the circumstances. If he was say 40 and had never left home I’d expect him to have enough for a deposit. And I would want him to be used to doing his own laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.

it’s not ideal for me but I’d prefer that than a man who is a cocklodger. I was once talking to a guy online who disclosed he lived with his ex girlfriend. I blocked him super quick. It was clear he was looking for a new home to move into via dating 😂

Tbf I’d also be wary of a man who lived with his parents or flatshared and seemed
overly keen to move in with me.

Absolutely and nowadays more people are feeling less pressured to get married or settle down with someone, if they feel they haven’t met their person - this could also be linked to the increase of people staying at home in addition to the housing crisis and wage stagnation.

I’d certainly prefer someone stayed single and stayed with their parents than got into a relationship due to societal/housing pressure.

I have two dds.
Eldest is 24, she finished uni, worked and saved for a year then did a year travelling. She has been home nearly two years, we haven't charged rent but she did pay a % of food bill. In two years her and her dp have saved 10k , they have just bought a two bedroom detached house for 135k. (We have lent them 5 k)

Younger dd finished uni last summer and has her first full time job she plans to start saving for a house in April (after clearing her overdraft and buying a car) she plans to save enough for a deposit by the time she is 25.

The lack of awareness from some about the difficulties that other people face in life is staggering.

Yep, I bet OP wont see it as the other way around... some parents move in with their children because they lack independence.

My parents love with me and DH and have done since the pandemic. I would like them to be independent and fly the nest but given that their options are limited to retirement flat or care home because mum is no longer able to manage without support, I guess I'll have to put up with it for a bit longer.

My son earns at least four times as much as I did at his age.
I bought a flat but that same flat now costs ten times as much as it did back then.
He'd love to be independent but can't get a big enough deposit yet.

When I let my DH he was living with his parents, (in 40's) however he had lived independently since 19 but moved back during pandemic & due to MH issues.

What constitutes independence? DS still lives with me whilst saving for a deposit
We split the chores, the shopping, the bills etc
I do slightly more cooking but that’s because I enjoy it
We each do our own laundry and ironing
DS does his own mental load jobs
Sit down every couple of weeks and work out what nights we are in/out or away which helps with pet feeding and meal planning

I'm 45 (M), western, no cultural norms for caring for parents, still live at home, happily married, nursed my late DF through dementia and he died peacefully at home, now look after mum who is mid 80's, sharp as a tack, but frail.

Over the past 20 years we have purchased all the equity in the house, so now technically DM lives with me and pays me rent rather than the other way round!

Never felt non-independent or in any way different for it. Have always had a great admirations for the many cultures who care for their elderly at home and pay back their care in childhood.

A guy still living at home wouldn't bother me at all, in fact it's a plus-no baggage.

I'm late 30's. Currently living with my parents (paying rent/board) and DD4 after a marriage breakdown. For what it's worth, I'm also paying half a mortgage on a house I don't live in.
I cook/do chores where I can but I'm also working ft and have a much longer commute now I'm not living in my own house. It will go on the market and I'll get something of my own close by. But whilst I deal with the aftermath of the relationship breakdown/extended family bereavement/quite possibly the busiest I've ever known my professional life I am truly grateful for the support I've had. Even if it does mean my mum does most of our laundry.
Hope that helps.

Love this, please be my friend 👀

@EdgyExpert It could mean capitalism stinks

Love this post. My DCs are going to probably be similar.

So what really if they are? If they all get along and help each other out why is it seen as any worse than living with a partner or living alone??

I'd say the housing crisis has far more to do with it than anything else.

Depends on the situation I’d say but I do know some late thirty-somethings who are still living at home and not saving up for a deposit (they would rather be going out on the lash every weekend) and others who don’t do that but would just rather live at home as their parents are their social life (which I think is a little sad but who am I to judge) - I wonder how they will cope when their parents are not longer around though. I’ve known others who use it as an opportunity to save enough for a deposit on a house but that can take years.