Some background: I don't get on with my DB, we rarely talk (a couple of times a year) and we see each other once every couple of years. We've never been close and are very different. However over the past few years I've become closer with his DD. Let's call her Sarah. Sarah is now 25, works, and lives with her BF in a rented flat.
My DB owns his flat outright (it was our parents' and I was happy for him to have it when they died as I have my own home and don't need the flat or any money from selling it. DB is in a low-paid job although he's very good at managing his money). He's now decided he's moving in with his GF with whom he's been on and off for 3 - 4 years, in a very volative relationship. My DB has offered his DD, Sarah, the flat, saying she and her BF can move in and make it their own (I don't think he'd put Sarah's name on the deeds though).
Sarah is excited at the idea to move in because it's a nicer flat that where she's renting at the moment (same area). DB recently had the place redone including new flooring, new kitchen, etc. However Sarah hates her dad's GF and wants to change the appearance of the flat so it won't have memories of her when Sarah moves in with her BF. I get that can be a 'trigger' but...
Sarah has asked me to lend her some money to do this: last year, when Sarah was hoping to get a mortgage with her BF to buy a place together, she had asked whether I'd be happy to lend them money for the deposit (I said yes because I can afford to and they are both working so hard, I'd like to 'reward' that. Sarah's never asked me for money before and is also very good at saving, like her dad/my DB). Now that there's no need for me to lend her money for a deposit, she'd like to borrow £10,000 to change the look of the flat.
I've explained that:
- her dad's relationship is very volatile (he's the kind of person who is best friends/madly in love with someone today, and doesn't want to see them again in a couple of months. He's always been like that. Which is also why our relationship has been so up and down) so he's likely to leave his GF and want to move back into the flat in the next year at the latest
- it's madness to change the kitchen (which is less than a year old), the flooring throughout (just as new) and the bathroom (ditto) because Sarah's dad's GF used to stay over. I suggested painting the walls and changing accessories. It will have a huge impact on the look and feel of the place.
- If Sarah really wants the money I will lend it to her but I don't agree with what she wants to do with it. However she's an adult and she needs to make her own decisions. I will (try) not to resent how she spends it.
What would you do? I like that Sarah is growing up 'balanced' and not 'disturbed' like her dad. I like that she's working hard and earning fairly well. That she's in a loving relationship (been with her BF for about 7 - 8 years), etc. I suggested moving into the flat, waiting a year or so to see if her dad doesn't ask to move back in, then redecorate. She said that she just can't move in unless the place looks different.
Should I lend her the money? I could afford not to get it back - that's not the point. My question is whether wanting to 'change' the flat and spending £10K to do it is madness even though she would pay me back so it'd eventually be her money she's spending on it. I work hard so £10K is £10K. I would NOT spend it myself to redecorate my place. But I'm happy to help Sarah. But I'm really torn.
AIBU: you're mad - you shouldn't lend Sarah the money
AINBU: she's an adult. Lend her the money.