It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

Haha- this is great! 👍🏻 maybe a few of these might at least give you a chuckle OP!

Does Xmas still come around every year? Did I miss the memo?

When she agreed to the break she probably didn’t know about the nativity so she wasn’t double booked. She has chosen to go and as others have said I am surprised there is anything more than 2 tickets.

You cant change her choice of grandchild priorities but you can say it is too disruptive for your child and she will be upset so I would disinvite them. Don’t need to say any more.

On Monday, OP, just say 'oh, by the way, as we've already paid for all the activities you're planning to miss, we've invited my parents/sister/friends/whatever to come in the trip instead, so you can spare yourself all that driving. There's really no point coming if you're not doing all the lovely activities '.

So, apparently it's not a problem for the grandparents to nip off (6 hour round trip!) but think of it this way- imagine someone paying a small fortune for a celebration meal. Granny discusses what she wants and when and it all gets arranged. She gets there orders a starter and then nips off for 6+ hours leaving everyone else having the meal without the guest of honour.

He's a nursery toddler! There will be plenty of other nativities.

I'd be really fed up about this. She accepted an invitation for a significant event and she needs to show up. It's bad luck about the nativity play but these things happen. Infuriating!

I have a suggestion that you might want to throw into the conversation when you meet with MiL on Monday and that is to say that you're so delighted that she enjoys seeing her grandchild in the school Nativity plays and the lengths she goes to in order to make sure that happens that it sets a wonderful precedent and your daughter will be thrilled that her granny will be sitting front and centre at her nativity plays!

Absolutely this and your DH has the sensible attitude, OP. Santa visit and lunch is fun and lovely for your lo but there is something very special about seeing your own in a Nativity Play, and it's a very short-lived joy

This thread has been on my mind all day probably because it's quite relatable and long term, I really hope your daughter understands her self worth. You sound like a lovely mum. I am sure that with your help your daughter will grow up to realise her grandma doesn't to center her first sometimes, not because your daughter is worthless, but because she is worth so much and grandma has trouble understanding that, and it's absolutely not a reflection of her, but of grandma's moral values.

I hope as she grows and thinks about grandma coming along she's able to say "whatever, her loss" if grandma flakes and shrug it off.

OP just enjoy the downtime with your family. It’s a win really.

Is this all driven by MIL being determined to play ‘mummy’? She HAS to be at DGS events because she’s more like a mother than a grandmother in her eyes and can’t allow anything to risk undermining her role?

Sorry for this situation with your MIL OP but at least it’s your MIL rather than your own mother and at least she seems to be making an effort to try to keep both you and SIL happy (even though in doing this she is ruining your weekend away and running herself ragged in the process) and whilst I would be tempted to tell them not to bother coming if they insist on attending the nativity I wouldn’t but I would just make your arrangements and enjoy your weekend and let them crack on with trying to cut themselves in two.

In my birth family my DM is like this with my niece her PFB GC. She makes no secret of this fact and whether she has made firm arrangements with DN or DN says she might come round on one of several days in the week my DM would still knock us back (myself her own DD and her GC) or let us down or not commit for the chance of a maybe arrangement with DN. I can totally understand you being hurt on behalf of your DC and DH but in my experience whatever you say or do nothing will change so the sooner you accept the situation the happier you will be. DM has also said to me that the first born GC is always ‘the favourite’. DN’s needs wants thoughts feelings opinions achievements trump everyone else in the family as far as DM is concerned and she is in her early 20’s. I did hope DM would eventually see how unfair the situation was in terms of spending probably 20-30 hours a week with DN most weeks and zero hours with us when they were little. Now if DN is aware I have made plans to take my DM out she deliberately scuppers my plans. On one of my DC’s birthdays DM was coming round to visit so we held off the cake and changed our plans but DM ended being over 2 hours late as DN had called round.

It’s interesting that MIL is ignoring SIL’s baby in favour of DGS. I wonder how long that will continue before SIL calls her out on it.

I would cancel them off the trip and go without them, and then pull right back. I would be so upset if anyone did this to me. There are some things that are probably excusable, but this is definitely not one of them

Been here many times over the years OP but with my own Mum - whose blatant favouritism of my sister's children has destroyed any chance of her having a relationship with mine...or my other niblings.
My sister's children are now adults with their own lives, and my mum a lonely old woman whose other 8 grandchildren (all still children primary/high school age) don't even know who she is.
Once I came to terms with it after several years it became much easier to deal with. My kids have no idea what they missed out on - because I would never let them see they'd always be playing second fiddle to their 3 oldest cousins 😔

I feel your pain. My MIL hugely favours her DD over her DS, my husband. Apparently though we all get treated equally. We know it's lies. She's always buying things for my SIL and her kids be it house items or branded toiletries. DH doesn't get the equivalent by a long stretch even though he does way more for them. Story as old as time I guess.

Your MIL is out of order. Committing to you well in advance she just have just said she couldn't make the nativity.

It’s 4 tickets per child at my son’s school but over 2 days so it’s possible there is an alternative day that maybe doesn’t suit the kids parents.

iI’d be pissed though. I don’t think I would make that much effort with them if it was me. I guess the only plus is that they haven’t cancelled completely.

I’m not surprised you’re disappointed. I’d let it go but don’t put yourself out for her again.

I personally don't think I'd have a problem with MIL going and coming back.
Just get on with ur holiday and let her do what she wants. Nobody wants to be controlled.

MIL made the commitment with you she should stick to that commitment on not mess you, l think it's unreasonable to miss half of it

were you never taught, did you never teach that its rude to sack off an accepted invitation for a later offer? Its plain rude.

Hi, I’m a mum in law also and I try my hardest to see things from my daughter-in-law side because I am a daughter-in-law also. But sincerely I always try and say to people whatever you can’t calm the situation down whatever the situation is please just do it because you know life is too short. Nobody promised tomorrow. If you can calm down and find a way to calm the waters, I would absolutely champion that because life is just too short that’s how I feel when I know sometimes we people shouldn’t do this and people shouldn’t do that, but you know there is a true saying it’s not the problem is how we react to it. But I do get it. I’m a mum in law and as I said I have a mum in law is very elderly now. My older self would just tell my younger self now. Let it ride try and explain in a calm way how things do make you feel if it really is something that you need to express.
there was favouritism too, but do you know something? That’s their problem it hurts but it’s their problem and I always believe that if people behave let’s say inappropriately and really they’re hurting themselves more than anybody. I believe anyway it’s not a perfect life and there are no perfect answers just on my life experience, don’t let people get to you. There’s enough I grow in this life as it is take care.

They probably think they are just fitting everyone in. But on a planned and payed for thing it might have been more respectful to graciously attend. Your dh might have the right idea, to just keep the peace for your daughter. I hope you have a brilliant time in any case, what a lovely thing to do for someone.

I agree, been there myself with school plays at different schools but same night