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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

888 replies

Bounty9 · 20/11/2024 14:15

I'll start out by saying DH and I have been together for 12 years and I had a wonderful relationship with MIL before kids got thrown into the mix.

SIL had her little boy 3.5 years ago and he was the centre of the universe, understandably. We then had DD 1 year later and honestly, she paled in comparison in MIL eyes - there has been obvious favouritism the entire time, and it's been pretty exhausting, ending in quite a big argument last September on a big family holiday, which marked the end of group holidays. But bridges have been rebuilt and we basically stopped doing things as a large group, and encouraged 1:1 time with MIL and DD instead, which was going well, DD adores her.

We decided this year to book a 3 day getaway, me, DH and DD and invite MIL and FIL and pay for them as a thank you for all the holidays they've taken us on over the years. it's a centre parcs break. We are travelling up, staying one full day and then travelling back. It's about a 1.5 hour drive. This has been in the diary since summer, and we all knew the dates.

MIL has text me today to say she has 'unintentionally' double booked and it's DGS nativity play on the only full day we are there, so they are going to drive back for it in the morning, and then come back in the evening - essentially they will be gone for 6 hours. We'd booked a santa visit, lunch etc that and I'm bloody hurt that she couldn't just say no this time.

I know it doesn't matter. DD is going to have the best time, we are going to have lovely family time, but ffs just when you think she can't let you down again.

AIBU to feel upset about this? I haven't replied yet. I want to just say forget it, don't come if you're going to miss half the trip and activities, but DH thinks we should just let them do as they please and not let it spoil our time.

OP posts:
TiramisuThief · 20/11/2024 14:26

Got to be honest, I would be really miffed too.

Doesn't every kid get a spot in the nativity? Are they seriously suggesting a 3 hour round trip to see him play sheep number 4?

I really feel for your DH. It's really hurtful and I think him playing it off as no big deal is him trying to pretend it's OK.

It's not ok.

Brefugee · 20/11/2024 14:26

I didn't care if I upset my MIL in answer to her upsetting Mr, DH or the DC's.

I'd tell her not to bother coming to Centre Parcs and to enjoy the nativity play.

Then dial right back and let her do the running - or not - to see DD

Bounty9 · 20/11/2024 14:25

Thanks everyone. She did go to his nativity play last year also - DD doesn't have one so maybe I'm just not seeing the big deal around that.

@TTPDTS we booked the break in the summer - dates have been in the diary for at least 6 months.

@yeesh DH works in retail and can only get a few days off in December, but we wanted to do something christmassy.

It's just so disappointing, I felt like things were finally balancing out.

OP posts:
samedifferent · 20/11/2024 14:25

I would either cancel the whole trip or just remove them from the booking. There really is no point in them coming as they aren't actually going to be there during the day when your dc will be awake.
They have made a choice and your family aren't their priority.
I also wouldn't book any significant events with them moving forward, let them do this if they want to.

Bex5490 · 20/11/2024 14:24

Surely a nativity is a huge deal for parents not grandparents. If it was, for a lot of families that would be 6 adults per child watching…

I think she’s being unreasonable. You have paid for her to be there.

thistimelastweek · 20/11/2024 14:23

They are bailing out on an accepted invitation for a nursery nativity that will.last 30 minutes tops.
I'd be pissed off.

yeesh · 20/11/2024 14:23

Why is the holiday only for one full day if you’re all going together?

TTPDTS · 20/11/2024 14:21

I'd feel upset about that too - when did you arrange the holiday? I'd be more annoyed if that was first and now they were missing 6+ hours of the day to go and watch a nativity for a grandchild.

They're clearly prioritising the nativity and their grandson, which is uncomfortable especially as you've booked the trip to thank them.

Also - it's the parents who should be prioritising the nativity, surely the GPs can watch a recording?

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 20/11/2024 14:20

I’d tell them not to bother coming, theres no reason for GPs to be at a nativity (at ours it was 2 tickets per child) the blatant favouritism will be noticed by your DC as they get older and will impact the relationship not only with the GPs but possibly their cousin too. I would try to nip this in the bud.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 20/11/2024 14:19

I agree with pp, a nativity play is pretty big thing to miss.

If she did it again, then yes I’d be upset, but try not to let this one wreck all the good work

Oreosareawful · 20/11/2024 14:19

I'd be furious. She's already booked with you. It's not OK to bail on you, especially as you've paid for it!
I think you can see where your DD comes in her priority list.

NewPinkJacket · 20/11/2024 14:19

Ahh I feel sorry for her.

She sounds like a committed gran who's trying her best to be fair, but being pulled in two different directions on this occasion.

If she's happy to do the trip, let her do it and just be happy she cares enough about both grandchildren, to want to please them both.

Gummybear23 · 20/11/2024 14:17

I guess most people wouldn't want to miss a Nativity play.
It is rather special.
It not a go at you.