It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

Honestly I would tell them not to bother coming. People only treat you badly if you let them.

Yes it's a bit annoying for them to miss this nativity but surely it's one of those Things. Surely the child actual parents can send a little video

How is a nativity foreseeable when schools haven’t even set dates until after half term?

My parents came to every one of their grandchildren’s nativities. It was an important part of Christmas for them and the children.

For those suggesting video - Schools don’t allow filming anymore in most cases.

Given that the holiday is a thank- you to them and that she is not abandoning the arrangement completely I'd accept the situation graciously. In fact, I'd take is as a win - you get the kudos of having paid for a break for them, but get to please yourselves for much of it.

This. Just reframe the whole thing as a nice break for your family, tell them they needn't come at all back since it's a long way, and joy your break.

Never ever put yourself out again.

I'd be sickly sweet asking her if its really worth driving all the way to Centre parks to then leave and come back etc.

Much better she doesn't incur all those fuel costs, plus the driving will really take it out of her and I'd be very concerned with her driving all that time and staying awake etc. What if there were traffic jams making the time even longer?

We'll just cancel you off the booking. Much better all round.

Perhaps we can reschedule another time (over my dead body).

I want to stop you from saying something you'll regret, but I don't want to stop you from saying anything at all.

I think the biggest regret you'd have is letting it slide.

Before you say anything you need to get DH on the same page and get him to see this isn't about you it's about your child, which is HIS child and his mum displaying favouritism once again.

This was booked before they even started considering the nativity play, and they're letting their grandchild down by not being present in her life.

I doubt that she doubke- booked - she just regards the nativity play as the bigger, better offer.

Given that the holiday is a thank- you to them and that she is not abandoning the arrangement completely I'd accept the situation graciously. In fact, I'd take is as a win - you get the kudos of having paid for a break for them, but get to please yourselves for much of it.

Honestly it’s BS and you and your DH should be annoyed tbh…

you booked them first now they have a better offer off golden child so they are binning you off.

if you can I’d amend the booking and save yourself a few hundred and tell them to stay home and you’ll do it “some other time” like the 12th of never

if not amendable I would still actually tell them to stay home and save themselves the driving and either invite your parents / siblings / friends instead.

there is no way they’d be coming on that holiday with me and my family.
and I wouldn’t be bothering to organise much for them because ot put in much effort going forward.

your mil should be embarrassed…

@Bounty9

If you booked so long ago, the holiday was definitely in the diary prior to the nativity date. She's not double booked or being pulled in two directions - she's choosing the nativity over spending time with you / DH / DC. It's crappy of her!

She'd made a commitment to go with you and is backing out of it - I'd tell her not to bother coming at all rather than leave for 6 hours and come back raving about the nativity.

This is awful.

It's not that they're just favouring a me GC over the other, they're also snubbing your generous holiday gift.

I'd never invite them again to be honest. You all deserve more. Get on with your life and let them be divisive alone.

I'm surprised that your DH isn't hurt by this, is he used to playing second fiddle to his sister?
I understand that MIL might be disappointed that the dates clash but they do and she has a prior commitment with another gc, which is also a generous gift.
I think saying something, calmly would be appropriate in this case.
Pretending you don't care isn't a response that is going to get different behavior in the future. You have decades of future contacts ahead and dropping your dc for the other gc will get noticed by everyone including dc over time.

I think that’s an awful thing to do. Again, they are grandparents not parents.
I would grin and bear it this time but wouldn’t bother booking anything for them again.

Totally disagree that the nativity could in any way trump this prior engagement. She's grandmother, not the parents. It's important they are at the nativity not her, not when she's committed to a holiday.

I think sometimes the seeming favouritism from in-laws comes from being more comfortable in situations with your daughter’s children.

Like she probably worries less about stepping on her daughter’s toes with her GS. Plus she might enjoy activities with her daughter like the nativity…

Still think you’re right to be pissed off and she’s out of order for the holiday though.

No. They had an arrangement. Now they are blowing OP off for an entirely foreseeable thing?

So she's already seen his first Nativity.
She's a shit grandma then isn't she really, you can't be great if you have favourites and display it so clearly.
I'd let her do what she wants on the day so they can't use a cancellation as ammo back at you and then leave any organising for them to see DD in their court.
It's a shame.

She hasn't 'unintentionally double booked herself' tho has she - if you've had this trip planned since the summer, there is no way they would have had the nativity dates then, she's obviously just found out the nativity dates and decided to prioritise that. Given she went to the nativity last year too, and clearly had this trip planned first, I would be furious.

Does she get a lot of pressure from SIL to attend stuff like this? Our nativity is always 2 people per child so is always me and DP.

I kind of agree with this! But don't want to invalidate you OP as you say she's shown blatant favouritism before- what did that look like in the past? Giving her the benefit of the doubt, was she just more invested in her DGC at that time as he's older and she'd had more time to bond? It sounds like her bond with your dd is growing very nicely if your dd adores her so it would be a shame to spoil that with bad feelings. This has been in the diary for months but the nativity date will have only just recently been announced so she'll be feeling torn I imagine.

Parents maybe. There's no need whatsoever for a grandparent to miss out on pre arranged plans with their other grandchild just to attend. The holiday was booked long before the nativity date was set.

It's just so disappointing, I felt like things were finally balancing out.

Aw fuck her. Seriously. Move forward by doing what ever you like, invite her or not but be aware your DD is second choice.

Your DH can address it if he wants

I’m sorry, OP , and I completely understand you’re hurt. But I wouldn’t want to miss a nativity either. There are so few of them and schools are dropping them all
the time.

The local primary used to do nativities up to Y6. Then it was Y4, then KS1 and now it’s only Nursery and Reception. They are memories you keep forever.

I’m sure your DD will have a wonderful time and it will be lovely for you. Your in-laws will miss out on some that, yes, but there’s no reason you can’t enjoy it to the full.

To be honest, the poor grandparents sound like they are being pulled in all directions trying to please everyone.

It’s a shame they will miss the nativity and I can understand her being disappointed. But it’s pretty entitled of her to be missing most of your trip that’s already booked and paid for. Sometimes we can’t have everything we want, and this is one of those times for her. She shouldn’t be ditching your DD so she can “have it all”.

also nativity plays for nursery children are sweet for the parents but really, it’s not worth a 6 hour trip to see you grandchild shuffling about with a tea towel over his head, perhaps mumbling a line but most likely being corralled about by the teacher and stuck behind someone else’s kid so you can’t see them anyway. Pictures / a video is surely enough, then she can see him in the one next year (and the next, and the next etc etc). Guarantee she’s much less excited about it next yr, and even less excited about it when it’s your DD’s turn 🙄😂

Why is all the blame on MIL ? Does FIL have no say in this ?

It's pretty normal in my experience for the first grandchild, and particularly a daughter's child, to seem to be favoured even if that's not really what is happening.

It's really difficult to treat all grandchildren in an identical manner but are you sure that the treatment is unequal or unfair and not just different ? You said you had a really good relationship with her before GC came along so it's unlikely that she's suddenly become unreasonable. Have a chat with them both, explain how you're feeling and see what they say - it may be that they can set your mind at rest and you can move on from this with better relationships all round.