It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

What was the previous obvious favouritism, that led to the fall out?

I guess, as parents, we all think out child is most important, and feel it very deeply when we think they are being treated less favourably. I just leave it uk the child though.. do they seem bothered about any of it. We can feel wounded unnecessarily at times.

Sometimes it is the best thing to say no. To honour a commitment that has been made. To give full attention to the GC she has agreed to be with.

I can't believe people think this is OK. She's even going to stop for lunch with the other grandchild... no rushing back for the trip that was booked six months ago!

I would feel annoyed but saying something probably won't change anything

Even without any backstory it's still rude op. You don't ditch someone you have plans with because a better offer comes up.

As a devoted grandmother myself, I think it’s ridiculous that your in-laws are flaking on a prior commitment to you. It’s bad form.

Blinking heck, my son in law is sadly probably going to miss nativity due to being a teacher in another school. I live over the road from the school and am not expecting to go, unless there’s a spare ticket. It’s for the parents. I think sometimes grandparents forget their place in things. We’ve had our day. Does pressure come from SiL for her mum to attend all these things?

The nativity will probably be recorded.

Is MiL going to miss seeing Father Christmas with your daughter? Does she know that?

Not insane at all. I'd be pissed off too in your situation. Well at least you know not to bother in future!

Do you have any idea why MIL favours her grandson? Is it a male favouritism thing or is she closer to the boys mother than your husband? Whatever it is, it’s not on.

11-4.30 is not a full day. And why can’t she be there for both her grandchildren? OP’s gripe is that she favours the other grandchild, and now she wants hers to be favoured. If she wanted it to be fair, she wouldn’t be annoyed at MIL turning up for both grandchildren!

All that effort for a nativity play?!

You need to accept that your idea of this in your head isn’t the same as everyone else’s. You have booked what you think MIL would like, and chosen to pay for it. She hasn’t asked you to do any of this! You think you’re doing her a huge favour and ignoring the fact it’s your trip, for your child, that you want to do, and it’s you who wants MIL to be there. Her attendance is a favour to you, not the other way round.

11-430 isn’t unreasonable at all! You’ll have breakfast and dinner with her.

I would understand if OP was annoyed that MIL cancelled a pre-organised trip for the nativity, but she’s going out of her way to see both grandkids and be there for them both

Well.... she's not is she..
It's one full day and she won't be there for 6 hours of it.

Call me old fashioned but if I commit to something, I don't mess that person around if something better else comes up.

I am shocked with some responses. If it was a friend that did something like this they would be flamed, and most people would be hurt. It is not ok to be so rude to anybody that has invited you anywhere, let alone family and let alone all expenses paid.

I would double down on them not coming at all, and enjoy a lovely festive break with my little family. If they come it is going to overshadow it, if they stay home you can just forget they were ever coming and enjoy it.

Then never put yourself out for them again.

Good luck!

Completely agree with this.

I didn't know multiple showings was a thing. It's many years since mine did nativity and it was 1 or 2 per pupil.

This is just stupid and petty. That’s basically saying “you aren’t spending enough time with our child so now you can spend even less time with them.” Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I'd be annoyed too, but you can't change who they are, unfortunately. Even after the blow up last year, their default mode is to prioritise their other grandchild.

I think you're just going to have to come to terms with the situation. I'd take a step back now personally, you've tried your best.

I'd be tempted to pretend to move it to another date and just not let them know

"Oh let's move it to another day, that's too much back and forth for you, DH will be in touch and we'll rearrange"

And then just not and invite your mum instead.

When they’re still little, Nativity plays* are very special, especially now - too many schools don’t even bother with them any more.

As a granny myself, I’d really hate to miss Gdcs’ Nativity plays, but I’d try to make the time away as short as possible.

*there’s nothing so guaranteed to have me groping for the tissues as a lot of little kids singing Away In A Manger 🥲

so? they do multiple showings, if tickets sell out.

some people want to see the young children in their family doing things, even if its playing a tree in the school play.

The more people who genuinely love, care and pour encouragement into all children is good thing.

I would understand if OP was annoyed that MIL cancelled a pre-organised trip for the nativity, but she’s going out of her way to see both grandkids and be there for them both. It’s a busy time of year for everyone and she’s travelling hours in one day to make it work for everyone.

Yes I'd be really saddened by this.

I'd text her back saying something along the line of.

'That's a real shame MIL, we had lots of lovely things booked for us to do together with grandchild and really was hoping for a relaxing quality break with you guys. It sound like a lot of back and forth bother for you guys, so perhaps you should just stay home instead. Can't say we're not disappointed though'

It's getting worse now! They're staying for lunch too?

How mean to ditch your DD like this. Honestly, surely it would be better if they didn't come at all

YANBU I would be really pissed off with this.