It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

She hasn't "double booked". She had already committed but now wants to go to the nativity play at all costs. Ridiculous

No. ML is allowed to have a favourite.

But when she makes plans with one then ditches them for the other? She gets to hear about it. It doesn't have to be a slanging match. Just "oh you'll miss all the activities we all planned." and that is it. And no 3rd chance.

Childish, immature, trouble provoking response

Why can't she say to her DD or DS with the other GC, no I can't come because I made a commitment 6 months ago to my son and family and my DGD and I will not cancel, that would be very unfair.

She isn't stuck between a rock and a hard place. She's happy enough to bail out of her DGDs christmas activity.

Can DH speak to his sister? Is nativity on another day too?

Unfair. MIL is doing her best to keep everyone happy

What's the plan for Christmas?

Completely disagree with people saying that MIL is trying her best - she went to the first nativity last year - its going to be the same chaos this year - pictures and videos should be fine (most schools still allow these as long as you don't post them on social media)

I'd be so tempted to go a bit passive aggressive about the whole thing - be very understanding of the difficult position they are in and accept their compromise with a smile, let them do their thing but make sure the first santa visit / other activities take place in the time they are away.

When they get back make a huge show of sharing the pictures and saying what a wonderful experience it was seeing DD get excited at meeting Santa for the first time. If you have a family group chat share the pictures on there too so she has something nice to look at on the 90 minute journey back up 😉

A very true summary 😂

NO NO NO. If OP acts on this unwise advice, the relationship is doomed.
MIL is stuck between a rock and a hard place and is doing her best to keep the peace.
Please give credit 4 this

So just when do you think the activities for the OP's DD are going to happen?

This thread is batshit.

There are often threads here advising parents not to let their DCs ditch a friend's birthday party when they get a better offer. This is the same.

I'd be sad and annoyed, OP! On the only full day too. And presumably your little one will be in bed pretty early still so she's not going to see much of them that day. It's not OK to bail on a previous commitment that is also a gift from you! If she hadn't know about it and agreed to it, that's one thing, but that's not what happened here.

It gets worse. Shitty behaviour on MIL's part, especially given holidaygate. Can you get a refund for ILs? If so, I'd be tempted to cancel them coming altogether.

I’d be really upset in your situation. I would have text and said ‘I understand you don’t want to miss dgs nativity but in order to do that you’re missing all of the activities we have planned with dd and hoped you’d share with us.

How does favouritism show generally?

To be honest, the damage is done now isn't it?

You had a family holiday which went badly, you've tried to repair the damage with a short break away inviting the in-laws and they're bailing on the bulk of it, after agreeing to come and letting you spend the money, for a "better offer".

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

I'm guessing you'll never plan another holiday with them again now, Their loss 🤷‍♀️

That's because relationships are dynamic and change with time. OP was disappointed with MILon the nightmare holiday, addressed the issue, made adjustments, then moved on.

Now this. Another unforseeable disappointment and OP is hurt. It doesn't beggar belief that OP is trying to forge working intergenerational relationships.

Eventually she'll give up. And then MIL will be on here, sad that she doesn't see her DGD as much as she'd like, and inviting us to agree that her DIL is a cow.

Honestly just don't worry about it. Both MIL and my Mum had very clear favourites and neither were my children. I've got over it and actually my sis found it really annoying and my sil finds it embarrassing.
The kids are now teens and don't give a shit

She made plans, yet a “better offer” came along. The right thing to do would have been to tell SIL that she already had plans, and unfortunately she can’t make the play this year. She didn’t. She dropped you at the expense of SIL. She is giving you a message here; loud and clear.

Oh dear. That’s very rude. Never mind. You’ll still enjoy them.

I had a friend once who tried to keep everyone happy. She’d have done something like this and end up making nobody happy.

Exactly!! Especially not a grandchild! The polite response would be that it's a shame that GC's Nativity has clashed with something else!

I cannot believe some these responses!

they'll be there for breakfast and back before dinner... its still not that big of an issue.

does she know she's missing her first santa visit?

The woman still has to eat 😂 especially on a three hour round trip!

They wouldn't have known when the nativity play was on when you booked. Not saying you shouldn't be priority

This
The fact that she is doing 2 trips in a day to return to you speaks volumes.
Give MIL credit
Also, re your previous big family holiday; they rarely have happy endings