It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

For 1. It’s not one day, it’s 3 with 2 nights & for 2. OP has said it isn’t CentreParcs specifically but a place like CentreParcs

I can understand your feelings about this but I think I agree with your husband’s approach. You’re really not going to change the way she is. She is incredibly bonded to her first grandson, almost in an unhealthy way by the sounds of it. Instead of being jealous of the bond she has with him be proud of the bond you have with your child that your sister in law doesn’t have with her child. Your DD will see this as well in time.

I think given her reply, you should text back.

The Sat Nav might say 1.5 hours each way but that could change if anything goes wrong like accident, snow, rain, roadworks or just mad Christmas traffic
Ultimately you could end up missing the nativity altogether if the journey back is not great and end up in dire traffic at some point during the day. Add to that the nativity might not start on time or over run and lunch could end up being longer.
If fil wants to come up the day before and then sil could drop you at the station and you come when everything is done. That way no one will be relying on getting somewhere by car and you will have the car here when you return home

Otherwise as I don’t want to be the cause of you missing dgs’s nativity, might I suggest you leave it this time

I'd tell her not to bother coming tbh. She sounds horrid.

Thanks thought I'd missed something. 👍

Boys matter more than girls - that's the bottom line, Why do women like your MIML perpetuate this?

Sorry but your MIL doesn't sound like a nice or lovely person. She sounds spiteful and ungrateful. You have paid for this holiday and she can't be bothered to be there for most of it. She constantly favours her other grandchild. Do you and DH really think your child isn't already being affected?
I would tell her straight. You can't be bothered to be there for the majority of the day when we've planned activities. Don't bother to come as there's no point
If she gets upset, tough. She should have thought of that before she decided to fuck about with your plans.

Sorry - this was directed to @Tiredmumtoboy

Read all the Ops posts. She has explained.

I quite agree - you don't say yes to one invite and then drop it when something else comes up (barring real emergencies)
People can be so flaky now - I realise that they don't want to miss the nativity but for the sake of 30 minutes they are putting the kibosh on something else that has been planned for months.
OP is there any chance of setting off earlier and doing some of the activities the first day if they can be moved? Then they can take off and not bother returning after the nativity. Tbh if I were in their position and really wanted to see the nativity, I'd be skipping the lunch and having a butty in the car if it meant I would be back for some of the activities.

I’d be fuming too. You got there first and with the previous backstory they should be more sensitive.

Plus, let’s be honest, nativity plays are usually shit aren’t they.

This doesn't sound real. I've never heard of a centre parcs break that your there for one day.
Weekends are Friday to Monday, and week days are Monday to Friday.

As a grandmother myself I would do the same as your MIL. I'd spend time with my granddaughter on holiday, slip away for a few hours to see my grandson because you can't miss a nativity play, then return to my granddaughter.

They only have one full day of the holiday and she'll be away for pretty much all of it, including the Father Christmas highlight. She's made her presence on the trip pointless.

Yes, I’d be upset. A nativity play is really not a big deal. I mean in our school it’s not unusual for just one parent to come and some children don’t have any parents there. Very few grandparents attend. It’s just a bunch of 4-6 year olds standing around singing Christmas songs badly. It would be different if it was like her Year 6 leavers assembly or something that never gets repeated. It shows how little she values you all, I’m afraid, and also how little she cares if you know. She might have been upset that she was double booked and then regretted that she was going on the holiday and wished she could be at the play, but sucked it up and put a smile on for you and your dc. But the fact she doesn’t even really seem to care is what would upset me most. It’s about not being valued for me.

I would have Dh tell her not to even come. It’s too disruptive to the day to have her dick off in front of your dd. It doesn’t send a nice message.

I'd be annoyed. Nativity plays or similar happen every year through primary, and it's not generally an expectation or even possible that all grandparents go, so it's not a big enough thing to miss a good chunk of a prearranged trip away someone else has generously paid for. I think it's ok for your DH to tell her you are disappointed she hasn't prioritised a pre arranged and expensive event, and that she will miss the best bits, eg Santa.

I think the relationship she has with your DC sounds much healthier though, so I wouldn't focus on the disparity in treatment.

I’d be privately a bit irritated but say nothing out loud.

if they want to do a 6 hour round trip for a little nativity for their grandchild so be it. I think they will regret it

nativity is nice for DP but DGPs I don’t get it

Because they have booked activities during the time she will be “slipping away”.

They have booked to take granddaughter to see Santa and other activities, they booked them together, the OP paid, and now she is not doing the pre-booked activities because she has chosen to go to the nativity instead!

Do people not read threads anymore?

Of course you can miss a nativity play! It’s not a court summons. The grandma went last year, and most nurseries do limited tickets only, so the vast majority of grandparents don’t go to their GCs ones and they all seem to cope.

Its not ‘slipping away for a few hours’ it’s missing most of the day.

Cancelling on someone because you get a preferable offer is bloody rude.

It has been done deliberately though. Plans had been made, holiday had been put in the diary & paid for, activities had been chosen & paid for then grandparents deliberately chose to fuck off those plans of seeing their grandchild’s first visit to see Santa in order to watch their favourite grandchild’s nativity for the second time. It’s 100% deliberate, they haven’t accidentally cancelled their plans to attend the nativity

She didn’t double book - she booked with you months ago and then got a second invite.
That’s not a double booking.

If she’d explained and said she doesn’t want to let anyone down or disappoint any child you’d have worked something out.

Addressing issues calmly and talking about it is better than going low-contact, which is passive aggressive and doesn't really work in family systems anyway.

"You can't miss a Nativity?!" Since when?
Teacher here. Most schools only allow two tickets per child so the vast majority of grandparents have to make do with watching it on dvd (or the modern equivalent).
OP, she's picked her lane. Fuck her!

I was in a very similar situation to you about 15 years ago, it felt like the the favouritism was blatant for sister in laws son while our daughter (a year younger) was largely ignored!). I will say as time went on things really changed - dgs became a bit of a whirlwind and a bloody handful for a while 😬 while dd loved baking, crafts, puzzles, shopping etc and the relationship and time spent together really changed. The relationship is a really positive one now and both grandchildren are equally adored which I appreciate (even though she is no longer my MIL!) Hopefully this will be the case for you too. I know how grating it can be.

As a grandmother myself I would do the same as your MIL. I'd spend time with my granddaughter on holiday, slip away for a few hours to see my grandson because you can't miss a nativity play, then return to my granddaughter.

Why is that so bad?