It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

That would make you extremely rude. Your son has paid for you to have a break, has discussed it with you and planned and paid for activities and you'd leave the actual main day to go to a nativity 1.5 hours aware. Are you sure? It's really bloody selfish and rude.

Nativity is not that important!

You have paid for dgp to come away with you and they fuck off home for the day.? It would be the last time I offer.

We have a similar dynamic where dn is adored and my ds is the poor relation. It use to wind me up as I'm all about fairness. But I've learnt I'm only upset myself. Now I just match their energy

OP, just to think outside the box - why don't you tell MIL to stay behind and just have FIL come with you?

He sounds like a sensible and nice man who makes an effort with your daughter. If MIL isn't there he doesn't have to miss the main event. I'm sure he doesn't give a fig about the nativity.

Otherwise I'd tell them just not to come. They'll be tired for the rest of the trip and full of stories about the bloody nativity.

And all the posters saying poor MIL is being pulled in 2 directions- no she's not. She had an invitation she is rudely ditching for favoured grandchild. I'm sure SIL dreads her mum coming to these things if her own son ignores her. How sad for SIL. And make no mistake- MIL isn't trying to please everyone, she is only pleasing herself.

Maybe point it out to her? Can't get any worse

If they do go to the nativity and then back to to you at (not) center parks, make sure they don’t monopolise the conversation all evening about how amazing the nativity was etc, Do not ask them about it. Every-time it gets brought up (which it will) change the subject back to your day meeting Father Christmas and toasting s’mores etc,

Heavy sigh.
I feel like your MIL, whether or not the nativity play was for another important grandchild, should’ve said to your SIL, “I’m so sorry - we’ve already made a commitment to be out of town with @Bounty9 that day so we won’t be able to make it.”
And that should’ve been the end of it.

It's fine. It was my mistake. I'm still surviving off of broken sleep and early mornings. 😅

Tbh it's her loss.

My in-laws don't even ask after my boys. My newest is 3 months and they've not even bothered with him.

Id have loved a closer relationship with them, especially MIL as she's a professional nanny. Her tips and advice would have been really welcome. But it was just never ment to be.

Sorry it’s just really tedious, it’s an interesting discussion whether it’s a figment of someone’s imagination or not.

You really won’t have to explain to her! Please don’t try to! I have a scatty unreliable parent, and my DC learned that she “loves them but isn’t very good at showing it… loves them but isn’t good at buying presents, loves them, but isn’t good at relationships. Etc.

She does love them to the best of her ability, she’s just a crap granny. They always knew it was about her, not them, and I made a point of sharing anything positive she mentioned or inferred, “granny thinks you’re great at x, y, z, she really appreciated your help”.

For your DD eventually you get to ‘Granny’s not very good at multi tasking. She is a bit stuck on paying attention to GC 1 because that’s where she learned how to be a granny!”.

Separately, that break sounds awesome! Could you send me a link? I’d love to go next year!

Woh Woh Woh! Calm down honey.
I already thanked 2 people for pointing out my error.
I just missed one detail and got confused as the op mentioned Centre parcs mmmmk

This has happened in my family too. I'm the non-favoured grandchild and what you write is very similar to what happened with us. My grandparents ended up leaving their entire estate to my cousin. The rest of us got nothing.
My heart goes out to everyone who's in this situation. It's horrible.

Whatever happens though, try not to let your feelings for MIL ruin your own enjoyment of the break. Which is really hypocritical of me because I’d probably spend it seething if it were me! But it sounds like you’ve booked a really lovely trip for your DD so try to swallow down the bad feeling and focus on the good bits, not the bad!

Key words in your post - if they can.

In this instance the GPs already have plans and should be sticking with the ones they have made first. They are not just nipping away for an hour to attend a nativity, they are missing what is probably a large portion of their DGDs walking hours on this trip that they have already committed to.

OP I’d be furious and tell them not to bother coming.

Thanks. 👍 I missed that point.

Oh good grief, it always amazes me that some people don’t have anything better to do with their time than look for plot holes in posts on an anonymous forum. Who cares!

I would also be asking dh to not be so passive when it comes to his mother.

As you said, he doesnt want to upset his dm so he can keep the peace but is quite happy to see you upset.

Fil sounds lovely though and I wonder if he ever brings up the unfairness

Sil needs to also go low contact for the sake of her DS. I would suggest she doesn’t tell her mother anything about what they are doing as a family and she limits her ds’s time with his gm

I can see mil ending up alone if she carries on down this path.

The OP clarified earlier that it’s somewhere similar to CP, not actually CP. Details were changed for anonymity.

But the gps really don’t need to be torn in all directions - an invitation was extended, they accepted ….to now renege for a 30 minute nativity is bonkers. The obsession with it is utterly insane.

Honestly I would invite someone else if I could at all or just FIL 🤣

This. I would be silently livid but magnanimous.

Just smile and go along with it and inwardly chuckle at the tearing around they will be doing on the day. Sounds awful. Their loss.

Also, make sure you're out and busy when they finally return.

Finally, alter your future PIL expectations drastically.

Can you invite your parents instead? Then let MIL off the hook & tell her to go to the Nativity. And I’d really not bother going to so much effort again. Sometimes it’s better & easier just to cut the cord …before your child is old enough to realise they’re second best. Sorry, they’ve behaved really badly.