It's a MIL one - stop me before I say something I'll regret

God d9nt let it bother you, your still away arnt you so enjoy your time away at least she is coming even if she's going to miss half of it some grand parents are just totally dedicated she's probably thinking you'd hate her if she never came so there's quite a side to both sides if that makes any sense it wouldn't bother me tbf and she making the effort both ways every single family on the planet has a favourite whether it's noticeable or not so you can't scorn them really I think you he best to not think to much I to it and enjoy your lil gathering 😊

But this is all through the eyes of the OP, who’s made it clear she is jealous of MIL’s relationship with her nephew.
Seen through diffwrent eyes the situation could be interpreted very differently. For example and when my DD asked to hold her hand/be picked up she would say no, sorry, she was holding DGS.
I often have to say no to holding the hand/ picking up one of my DDs because I’m already holding their younger sibling (it’s not usually possible to hold both at once!)

(And as for the last bit about DGS wanting “nothing to do” with his mother and that annoying SIL- doesn’t make any sense at all tbh. As a mother I love it when my DC are all over my dad and give me some peace 😅. sounds like SiL likes her mother being involved hence inviting her to nativity.)

OP says her DP doesn’t see things the same way and also says that her DD adores GM and they have a lovely relationship- hence OP arranging this holiday! I don’t think it sounds like DGD is being harmed here, just that there are some very typical jealousy issues between the adults over whose kids are favoured the most. That is understandable. It’s natural to be protective over our children. But it doesn’t lead anywhere good and feeding the comparison/ competition just leads to conflict and toxicity.

I'd say, Enjoy the day with your grandson. I'll cancel or (I've cancelled) the day for you both. We can do it another time !.... and don't!!!!!

I’d be furious and tell them not to bother coming. Most schools only allow 2 tickets per child for safeguarding reasons anyway. She already had prearranged plans and you don’t flake out on stuff like this. She can see special one next year. My MIL has always favoured my nephews which are the same age as my youngest. They are twin boys, born to the most feckless of folk. For this reason, DH family fawn and fuss. Add to it that their behaviour is god awful due to inept parenting. Despite all this, my kids noticed over the years the lack of involvement from MIL and my eldest called her out on it. He’d spoken with me and his dad, DH didn’t want to upset his mum but my son decided to speak up. Zero sleepovers, no visits unless to drop round a complimentary bag of crap (junk food) round for them when she wasn’t busy with the other two. We found out that nephews were there for tea 3 times a week, had fortnightly sleep overs and taken on days out. My two get rock all. Unfortunately we have the pleasure of feeding her this Christmas because SIL hasn’t finished her kitchen after 18 months. It was a case of I’ll come to yours for my dinner then shoot off. We know exactly where she’ll be shooting off too. I don’t want her here and it’s caused all sorts of arguments. I think she’s a huge CF for even telling us what we are going to do. I’d rather not bother but it’s always a battle when it comes to mums and their sons. I’m just protecting my kids from what lies ahead. Feelings have already been hurt and they haven’t been hers.

It isn't center parcs

Does SIL have a partner? As my mum always came to plays etc as had 2 tickets and only me. A lot of grandparents came along if dad was working or not involved etc.

I don't know how to word it but if they haven't paid for centre parcs before they might think it's like the cost of a haven caravan park. Let them know how much their share of the holiday cost. They might have no idea but knowing that you paid 1.5k for the weekend and an extra 400 to get a 3 bed instead of a 2 bed might help them understand

Did you read about the Paris trip where both children were there? OP said:

'She carried DGS everywhere the whole time (even though SIL asked her to let him walk) and when my DD asked to hold her hand/be picked up she would say no, sorry, she was holding DGS. She didn’t play with her or try to interact with her, despite DD’s attempts. We asked if she wanted to come on some rides with us at Disney after she had been on some with DGS and she refused and stayed with SIL. Even SIL was pissed off at the end, because her son wanted nothing to do with her and was permanently attached to MIL. It all came to a head one evening when DD was trying to get her attention and she was ignoring her in favour of DGS'.

Such blatant favouritism is upsetting and damaging for OP's little girl. She sounds like a shit grandmother for OP's DD and she is trying to act like a surrogate mother for her grandson, which is pissing off her own daughter.

Hi op,

I am on team, let’s continue bridging because she obviously care for both to do round trip. It will be very tiring for her to do that!

She didn’t cancel yours to do something else, she is nipping out and coming back asap 👌🏼

Good luck 🌺

I would honestly tell them not to bother coming and let it rock the boat.

Honestly if she raises this with you whilst away, I would have a calm and honest conversation about it. Of course you were hurt and disappointed, but that hurt is on behalf of your daughter. Surely if she put herself in your shoes she could understand that? You have come to recognise and accept that she has a closer relationship with her grandson, you never obviously want to come between that but it makes you feel sad for your daughter who adores her grandparents - especially at times like this when their actions make it very obvious. You realise that you can't change this and accept it - but there is obviously hurt and sadness. You will probably step back from arranging holiday's like this in the future - because as your daughter gets older she is going to start noticing and you will protect her from that.

me too and yes, I'd be riding that phrase TO DEATH.....I might even make things up to cancel so I could say it

The things some folks are "furious" and "Upset" about!

OP, you said his opinion is that he’s disappointed and feels let down, but refuses to let it put a downer on something we’ve spent a fair amount of money on, he says our enjoyment of it does not correlate with GP’s being there,

He had spoken to them, to the extent that he is prepared to challenge them. If you now go in and up the ante you will inevitably be putting a downer on the holiday. Because if you gnash and accuse and protest and she comes under protest you will all know it was under protest and her presence will be meaningless.

Only have you say if you are prepared for the result that they don’t come at all and the relationship is done for.

You know now that she will not / cannot drop her insistence in bring embroiled in her DGS’s life, and lesson learned you won’t invite them away again.

No point in wrecking the holiday further with tension and an upset DH, it’s his Mum, after all.

I totally understand why you are upset about this. I also don't understand the comments about nativity plays being special and difficult to miss? The parents will still be going. It is not a graduation or wedding.

I would be tempted to just not reply at all and let her sit with it. Leave her on read. Go to Centreparcs and just let them do their own thing.

I think, if this were me, the phrase "Sorry, it can't be helped" would soon become notorious. Every time I cancelled when not really needing to, every time I refused to do something I could probably have done.

It can't be helped. So sorry 😇

I am petty AF though 😂

The fact that this is a nursery nativity makes it all the more galling. The child won't even remember his participation. As someone said, it's not a West End show.

She's willing to miss 80 percent of your daughter's day and spend hours on the road for a few minutes gazing at toddler grandson.

No. Not acceptable. Rude no matter what the excuse, to drop out of a long-planned activity in favour of someone else.

I hope you are able to disengage and disinvite her, and just enjoy a break with your child and husband.

@Bounty9 are you selling tickets to the show?? 😂😂😂

I would not invite her anymore.
My MIL adored my son, until her daughter had a son. She told us straight that her daughter needed her more. She abruptly stopped her once a week visit .
I felt so sorry for my son.
Now she’s elderly, she loves spending time with my caring, polite and very attentive teenage son.
Her other grandson is none of the above.
I made a decision not to discourage my son from visiting her, even though I will never forget how she behaved. It has totally altered my feelings towards her. I have minimal contact with her.

Completely with you OP. Favouritism should be nipped in the bud. I grew up with grandparents that very obviously favoured my cousins and it gave me serious self esteem issues. DF never confronted them about it, despite DM urging him to. Now I have my own daughter I wish he had aid something too. Now DGPs are in their old age and I have very conflicting emotions of guilt over whether to visit them and make amends. But then I was just a child, it was their choice to make no effort and therefore end up estranged from me as an adult. When they eventually die I think I will feel regret on not going to see them but at this point it’s just so awkward and I don’t want to upset anyone so it’s best to accept the sad situation.

My DM adores my daughter but favours DSis over me. I’m bracing myself for any favouritism when DSis has kids. Whether it’s DD or my niece/nephew that gets favoured, I will be speaking up. No child should ever be made to feel second best. Even as young as 6 I knew DGPs loved my cousins more than me and that just became more painful as I grew. You are a brilliant Mum advocating for your daughter.

If you do allow her to still dip in and out of the trip, do make sure she doesn’t just prattle on about DGS nativity as other posters have said. That’s something your DD will
pick up on sooner than you think.

exactly

the op has bigger fish to fry than her mil

And he does see it anyway.

what boundaries were put in place?

how local do you / SIL / Mil all live from one another?

Whether or not he sees it is irrelevant

You, his wife, the mother of his child sees that it and tells him.

That should be enough