"stop being silly"

But this surely isn’t ideal regular childcare, two days a week? A child just stuck in the house all day and told off when she’s understandably climbing the walls by late afternoon?

As an occasional emergency, ok - but not regular childcare.

Yes you're being bat shit. You want to do things a certain way, great. If your MIL doesn't align with your standards, stop using her for free childcare. Otherwise accept that not everyone agrees with your approach and will parent the way they think is appropriate

Threads like this always explain to me why the 18 year olds I manage can't handle the workplace. Gentle parenting is setting kids up to fail in the real world. I've got one that cries at least once a week, another who's mother regularly phones because her son has had to do work he doesn't want to do and two who have anxiety and can't deal with customers. You need to install some sort of resilience into your child because she's going to struggle if she goes to uni/work. Your MIL comes from a different generation and probably thinks gentle parenting is a joke (like most of us). Saying don't be silly isn't going to harm her, she's not smacking or mistreating her. If you don't like it then maybe you should give up work and care for her yourself because that's the only way you'll ensure your daughter is being looked after the way you want.

Obviously don't know the ins and outs of your childhood but one younger sibling has (properly diagnosed) C-PTSD from the upbringing that we had. It wasn't caused by telling a toddler to "stop being silly", believe me.

Children need to be safe, secure and protected but they aren't the centre of the universe and to make them think that they are is also incredibly damaging, because they will soon find out that they really aren't.

Good lord. And people wonder why there's a behaviour crisis in schools. They are half full of kids whose parents don't give a shit and half full of kids whose parents were probably too scared of ever telling them off in case it damaged their mental health. Seriously, you can't truly believe that 'being silly' is some kind of terrible accusation to level at a child?!

😁

Have a second baby. That will solve it. As you won't care less what your MIL does and you'll be shouting "Stop being silly!" yourself. Multiple times a day.

Oh bloody hell yes @Msmoonpie ! But the OP was well backed up by posters in agreement of how emotionally damaging it was to not have a replacement sticker, and how evil and horrible the head was!

She’s a MIL, she’ll do far more things that you’ll disagree with in future.
MIL’s are the most detested people on MN. You’re beginning to see why.
😉😁😁.

I do think that the effects of this kind of parenting will eventually cause a swing towards more firm parenting in the long run.

I see so many examples of what is in reality poor parenting as children are taught no resilience whatsoever.

The thread where the parent was miffed the school wouldn’t replace a sticker her child lost was ridiculous.

If your DD isn’t behaving it’s fine for her to be told off. Thats how she will learn.

Yes you are being pfb.

The only thing you should say to your mil is 'thank you.'

Your child's mental health is much more likely to be adversely affected by strict gentle parenting imo. The soaring rise in kids with anxiety who have zero resilience is testament to that.

Will look but am sure disappeared for 'privacy issues'...!.😆

She's probably too bloody scared!

Oh please do link to that thread I could do with a laugh

Precisely! Like the thread where the OP complained to the school about the teacher correcting errors in English/maths classwork!

I don't think you're necessarily wrong for how you feel or in wanting your DD to be parented in a particular way.

However your choices are...look after her yourself or pay someone to do it under your direction.

That's it.

I noticed whenever my MIL has looked after my kids they never ever go out. Not to the park or a soft play or anything. And I figure out MIL (late 60’s now) is probably in pain and tired far more than she lets on, and she’s always cold too. She is a free “service” when we need her and a cherished granny, I’d never dream of bossing her around like that.

She's far more likely to end up suffering from mental health issues due to the '(very high standard of) gentle parenting', IMHO.

They say behaviour is communication. To a point, yes. However there's nothing wrong with a 'firm' reminder as well. Sometimes kids don't take you seriously unless you raise your voice a bit.

Hope you’re happy with yourself OP! (Only kidding but this post made me chuckle)

Since childhood mental health seems to be much worse than it used to be, perhaps learning from the older generation might be worthwhile, rather than taking faddy advice from modern books that people made up as they went along

^

This needs to be the first post on the vast majority of threads on here these days

A1.

Send Mil to me

I'll have her

She can say that all she likes

😆

Other childcare options are available. You have a choice.

Great post

YABVU.

Unless you’re paying for childcare, you get what you’re given. She must be saving you a fortune!

I understand her not taking her out. Especially in this weather. A less than 2 year old is hard work and your MIL is a lot older than you.

Im thinking of the gentlest way to say this - but as the mother of a 7yo and 11yo if you’re worried about a few harmless words damaging her MH then you’re fucked when she starts school and kids say all sorts to her. Trust me, you want to build a resilient child now. I don’t understand parents who never want their child to ever have an adverse experience. I’ve seen those kind of kids grow up and they’re gibbering messes by the time they hit the age of 7. And secondary school these days is not for the faint hearted kids. I know it’s easy to stay in the toddler bubble but you have gotta start thinking long term