BiL explicit texts - WWYD

It’s not a stolen phone, when that happens as a stolen phone, then you report it stolen, then its locked out from any chats or any kind of use…..period

Show the txt’s to your husband, why risk anything like that with anyone, if you acquiesce to what he ask of you, then you are putting him in front of your existing relationship.

is that worth it!

Definitely speak to your partner

I don’t think so, I think he’s very comfortable sharing his sexuality with any willing or unwilling woman who will listen. I think that that is perhaps an element of his sexuality. And perhaps he prefers the unwilling.

After everything that's happened in the past 5 days you think it might not be him? Why?

She's explained what she was doing in that time. Why accuse her of lying?

My son had several teachers numbers when he was in 6th form

OP explained this 5 days ago.

When you say bil do you mean your sisters husband or your partners brother?

How did you find out he had messaged other women as well? Did you/DH speak direct to his wife? What on earth was her reaction to all this - are you saying that she is staying with him?!

If you are close, call him to establish this is definitely from him. After this you need to shut this down!!! He had no right to send explicit texts which have distressed you! You need to urge him to speak to someone about this.

It's shocking to me that it seems to be a very delayed realisation that he was going this for sexual kicks. It was obvious from the OP.

If it went on for 90mins you must have been replying.

I'd maybe message in cold light of door explaining why you're in a difficult position and don't want to out him but feel uncomfortable hiding this and encouraging him to come out

Oh of course it’s turned out that he also messaged two other innocent women about his fantasies. Disgusting man, using you all to indulge him and his ‘kink’. You did the right thing speaking to your partner, how dare he ask you to keep that secret! I’d also want no further contact and would make it clear to my partner that I expected his support in that.

Cyberflashing is a crime .

The more you update the worse this gets.

This man was not having an innocent "safe space" conversation with someone to work through his confusion.

He sent three separate women (note, all WOMEN) explicit messages, simultaneously, discussing his sexual fantasies. So he wasn't simply unburdening himself with someone he trusted, he actively instigated these separate conversations, most likely while getting off on involving unsuspecting women in his sexual fetish.

This behaviour, if left unchecked, will escalate.

Showing photos of naked body is a crime , no matter of 'safe space' its a crime.

There are kids? Even more reason to phone the police.. he has v inappropriate boundaries at the least

Gosh! Things have been speeding along , yes phone the police , he's seems dangerous.

I agree.
I think the responsibile thing to do would be calling 101.

You didn't offer him a save space.
He violated your privacy.

Yes and isn't anyone concerned about their kids, why hasn't anyone reported this.

Yes , very likely . I have experienced sexual abuse from a relative when I was a child , the problem doesn't stay there , the behaviours of those with sexual deviance does spill into ordinary life's of others , manipulating the minds of others , ironically I entered the bdsm for a few years and gave me understanding and strength of mind , hence proceed with caution. Yes show partner the info but be aware of the conflict it will cause , being the messenger has a negative, not saying anything is worse . I now don't have anything to do with relatives because of the manipulative behaviour of one .

This is about more than being gay or bi and I think this is a misguided perception. Being gay or bi does not predispose anyone to want to share graphic sexual material and sexual desires with female relatives. That suggests a paraphilia. He gets off on doing this. He also has clearly done it before as he's quite skilled at manipulating the victims.

That is worse than ever. He is completely out of order, it's an outrage.

I think you are taking it all very well, Calmondeck, but he needs to have brakes put on him because he'll do it again and again and goodness knows how it will escalate. Your husband must realise this.

I didn't know you had spoken to your sister-in-law, must have missed that along the way. What did she say?

My opinion is that you should go to the police but obviously that is your decision.

I hope it is all over now as far as your involvement is concerned and that you never have to see him.

Very strange that you aren't mentioning reporting this crime to the police. Ridiculous that he sends pornographic images to various women and pretends it's not a crime by shouting 'safe space' afterwards.

Your DH seems to be minimising it too.

Bil is either bi sexual or gay ...but living a lie and struggling as a result...ofcourse somebody else might be typing the message, proceed with caution .