BiL explicit texts - WWYD

So IMO this is the core issue.

He has enjoyed his titilation by putting you, his wife's sister and her best friend (another another woman I guess) in an awkward situation. Well done him.

Be the big person. Let him gloat over his photos of his family and genuinely wish them well.

I have no issues with an older man coming to terms with feelings towards men later in life. He may have missed out on opportunities earlier. But he is still a husband and father, so a bit of respect for others in his life is due.

Sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do, but as you say this is not on you.

@Calmondeck BIL sending you the unsolicited dick & pornographic pictures, whether they are his member or not, is a serious offence carrying a custodial sentence in the UK now!

He never discussed whether you could be a safe space or if you were comfortable talking about his kink & he certainly didn’t get your permission to send you the inappropriate images so he actually forced the whole sexual situation on you & is now gaslighting you to make himself look like the victim!!
Reality is he has visually sexually assaulted you with the pictures & verbally with his disclosures!!!

I would 100% pass every message to his wife & leave her to deal with him!!!!

His behaviour was NOT ok, you did NOT consent to being part of it & he needs to take responsibility for his disgraceful & inappropriate behaviour!!!!!

I am VERY open minded but he has crossed a boundary in a massive way & there need to be consequences for that boundary cross!!!!!!

Had he ever had manic episodes @Calmondeck ? Because if he spent the whole night talking like this and sending porn to you, his wife's sister and his wife's best friend, it sounds very like one.

Do you know how the other two women reacted, and if they've told his wife?

So he's dumped all this stuff on three women and, presumably, tried to guilt-trip them into keeping it secret with all this "safe space" nonsense. And he's sent porn, which may well be a criminal offence.

It sounds like it's safest to go completely no contact with him, and make it clear that if there is any repetition you will be going to the police.

Good grief.

How about you actually read the thread? Or just press 'see all' on the OP to see the OP 's updates?

Hmm had to put my thinking cap on , if Bil has spoken to you on phone then you know its him , if not , check first ... there are those who lead a lifestyle and know rules/ boundaries.. this is where , in my opinion , boundaries are blurred, its easily done , I took my grown up daughter to a fetish event ... 'wont that happen again ' ... I needed to let my hair down , not feel awkward as mum , my daughter wanted to relate on the subject , thought I'd understand, you see , both my husband and her boyfriend are transvestites , my daughter and I are bi , but actually don't talk about it to each other, I prefer boundaries, it confuses me somewhat...the Bil might have the same issue but I might be wrong and needs a visit from the police...he needs to be adviced to join places called ' The munch ' found on fetlife , they are found up and down the country uk , coffee shops that open at certain times in evenings , that way he can go find his own kind to chat too , and then leave family and friends alone to not be further bothered , it is somewhat awkward , difficult and puts everybody in the wrong place in life , my kind can handle his ways and give him sound advice about legal stuff , it should balance him . Hope this help .

Obviously raise this with DP and his wife.

She deserves to know in case it's progressed to dogging or something. 'Safe space' - er, what?

If you can have a chat group with the other women for support and strategy, please do. Do like the women abused by Al-Fayed - team up, make a plan, consider going to the police. There is every chance he's done this before, and he will do it again. Protect the girls under 18 in their extended network. Cyberflashing is a criminal offence.

Oh fuck that!… He violated your “Safe Space” by sending you photos and tmi unsolicited photos and messages and he fucking knows this.

Someone has had his phone. There’s no way he’d risk so much surely.

I second the posters who say you need to talk to him to verify if it really was him.

If so, it was a form of sexual harassment.

You absolutely must not even think of keeping this from your DP. In not too short a time, he will send other things, maybe including you, and he can make out that you and he are up to stuff together. There was NO REASON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD to start this chat with you instead of with another gay man. WTAF? Does he hate BIL and wants to take you from him? Does he have a secret crush on you and this is a way of easing you in, by making it seem harmless bc it's with gay men, for the moment? Or did he just want to sexually harass you? You absolutely must tell your DP. Otherwise, BIL can make out that you're somehow complicit in having sexy conversations with him.

Agree he is a sexual pervert sending pornographic texts .If he is sending these to his sister in law I would report him to police and not let him near op children !

She hasn't kept it private - you're not making sense.

Pardon? Have you posted on the wrong thread? 😖😳

Maybe he had a little too much to drink. I would tell him not to ever do it again or you won't keep it private again. Sounds like he is bi-sexual. I wouldn't tell my husband or his wife as it would be traumatic for them and could have repercussions.

You should definitely say something.
One of my friends partners did something similar and when it all come out it turned out he had been sending all her friends messages. Nobody had said anything because they all thought it was just them who he was sending the messages to and they didn't want to be the cause of upset. My poor friend was a broken woman when she found out, she thought everyone hated her and were laughing behind her back.
Please don't let anyone get away with weird messages. If they really had hang ups about sexual things then why didn't they seek help anonymously online Or talk to his poor wife?

You can't take someone as your "safe space" without their agreement!

100% he doesn’t think you’re his safe space, he’s getting off on violating your safe space by making you an unwilling voyeur.

I would see this as a cry for help. But also somewhat manipulative if he knew your husband was away and you're on your own. Definitely tell your husband, but I would also approach with care/caution in the first instance as sounds like he could be having some kind of mental health crisis.

Yeah I had this scenario in my early 20s many times, when I was a Samaritans volunteer. Took me a while to figure out they were all getting off on telling me all about their sexual problems. Loved to manipulate you into listening to their fantasies. Ugh.

They would also make up the most depraved stuff, like CSA and torture that was happening in their house at that moment supposedly. This was 20 years ago, wonder if they still have such a massive issue with sex callers. They even used to have 'Brenda' volunteers who would take all the sex calls (before my time thankfully). Grim.

That is one of the most useless and verging on dangerous advice I've seen in a long time.

Its not for you to share his secret is it?

Really? The OP is a victim of a sex crime but hey, let's just keep it our little secret.

You and others need to RTFT!

Oops didn't read it all, clearly he's doing it for kicks.

Yes this

It could not be easier to read only the OPs posts either.