BiL explicit texts - WWYD

You posted that at 5:30am. Let the woman sleep for goodness sake.

There is a facility to filter so that you only read the OP's posts. Click 'see all' on the corner of the OP of any longish thread, and you'll be able to read the OP 's updates, and so not look foolish by posting something that has already been explained.

There will be more people he has done this too and it will continue if something isn’t done!
I would report and I would take the wife out for a coffee and explain how serious this is. Tell her u will be there for her but block bil.

I hope u are not too traumatised? Shock can stop u from doing the right thing.

Hey @Calmondeck hope you’re ok? Any updates?

Are you serious

Thank you! The voice of reason. You can’t force yourself onto people like this when it comes to more vanilla issues. But this guy has literally sent you gay porn and is getting off on that. Report him. You have no obligations to participate in this BS at all.

Your BIL is manipulative and massively abusive. He cannot tell you that you are a “safe space” for him (a way to coerce you into participating in what gets him off) and then proceed to dump all his toxic sex obsessions on you. This is abuse. I would report it to the police.

Really, she shouldn’t, that’s the equivalent of asking a flasher if he’d like to talk about it with you - only worse as this guy actually gets off on having women having to listen to his sexual fantasies.

Got time to write pointless messages though haven't you @NeedSomeHeadspace.

Oooh, very snappy Miss AnnieSnap. I don’t find the MN threads so user friendly or when they’re so lengthy d’you think I’ve time to read them all? No. I don’t.

If BILs phone was hacked then why did someone else pick those 3 particular women? BIL did this, he texted women close to his wife because he thought they wouldn't want to tell his DW and upset her, he relied on their love for his DW to protect him.
He's a nasty piece of work Op, your silence doesn't protect your SIL, it just leaves her ignorant of his real nature

I’m not seeing how BIL is her problem to solve. Asking her to keep sexual secrets from her husband and his wife to maintain his ‘safe space’ is incredibly manipulative and conspiratorial I would shut that down straight away. OP is not his therapist although he is clearly in need of one.

No he has openly admitted he did it ( not just to OP) and is annoyed OP told her DH. He is complete entitled twat.

It doesn’t really matter how long it went on for, you weren’t a participant. It’s doubtful that you were enjoying tales of your BIL and how he wants to cheat on his wife to blow job men. Sounds more like you felt obligated to offer him counsel & once you’re in that deep it’s hard to exit politely.

This isn’t on you but I think it could be if you keep it a secret.

I don’t tolerate people who ask me to keep secrets from their partners or my own partner. It should be a given that when you tell someone something, they may tell their partner. I think unless it’s your Mum or a close family member or your best friend and even then I’d only keep it a secret if it was inconsequential.

Your husband has a right to know where to place his brother, not in terms of sexuality but trust. I don’t think sending intimate photos and sex details between two heterosexual people of the opposite sex is appropriate especially when it’s done in secret.

This isn't a small one off, him being drunk. It was to multiple people. It may already be affecting his wife and DCs. I'd call social services and let them know about his actions. Their childcare/school may also pick up on issues. (If not now at a later date). Log it now.

Not a man forcing his shit onto whomever he wants then claiming they're in the wrong if they don't just willingly put up with it??!!!

Shocker.

🙄

This is a good suggestion to me OP.

I think you're failing to realise OP is a victim here and doesn't need your blame or shame for her reaction.

This is really odd behaviour. You need to speak to him and rule out a few things. Is he suffering with mental illness, was his phone hacked, is he having a breakdown, was it a prank or vendetta against him by somebody. If this is completely out of character then I would be assuming something weird is going on and work that out before creating a big rift in the family. I would dig a bit deeper then tell the right people that need to know. This is just so weird I cant imagine anyone just randomly doing this if something isnt wrong. But if it turns out hes just a weird perv then your SIL needs to know.

I'd be absolutely livid.
How dare he! He knew you were alone and took advantage of texting you this shite.

If a stranger had done it you'd report it to the police as abuse of you over the phone.

I can't believe the nerve of the guy.

I'd tell DP and BILs wife. Fucking pervert is getting a boner sharing this with you 🤮

“ · Yesterday 18:15

He's no different from a flasher, exposing himself to random women in order to upset them and get a buzz for himself. It is rightly illegal. OP, I admire your calmness in dealing with this. He has committed a crime against you and two other women, and you have every right to report it to police.
At first I thought, if you don't want to involve police at present, let him know that if he tries it again you will report it. But now I'm thinking of his children. They are living with an (unconvicted) sex offender whose behaviour is unpredictable. Do you think social services ought to be contacted? I know it's not your responsibility, but if his wife doesn't take action, those children could be at risk.”

This. He’s dangerous and gets off on abusing women.