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Original poster

BiL explicit texts - WWYD

509 replies

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 13:15

I’m having a ‘did that just happen’ moment… have not disclosed this to my DP yet

Received a text from BiL asking for a chat. This is extremely unprecedented, we send the rare occasional birthday text or family photo.

I called worried something was wrong (DP is overseas on a work trip). BiL didn’t accept the call and asked if we could text instead.

He rapidly disclosed a hidden obsession with male on male oral sex and suddenly started sending me explicit images of random men, complete with commentary about what he’d do with them. His texting went on for 1.5 hrs.

I woke up today vaguely wondering whether it was a scam, but feeling certain it wasn’t.

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

My mind is spinning. Any advice?

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 20/11/2024 13:44

MounjaroUser · 20/11/2024 13:38

Bit outing if anyone I know is here but my phone was stolen at a festival - I was a teacher and a lot of students had messaged saying they were worried about exam results - the people who stole it sent messages as though they were me, saying I thought they'd fail and they were the stupidest in the class. Another friend was having an affair with a married man (clear from past messages) and "I" wrote to her saying I was going to tell the man's wife and that I thought she was a slut, etc.

My students believed me next time I saw them and thought it was funny (they all compared messages) but my friend never really believed me.

It was in the days where you had to pay for messages and they used every last penny!

Show quote history

You're a teacher and you give your personal mobile number out to pupils? That would be a huge no-no in the educational authority I work for.

OdeToBarney · 20/11/2024 13:42

Wtf 🤯

GinForBreakfast · 20/11/2024 13:42

BodyKeepingScore · 20/11/2024 13:41

OP, it doesn't sound like he was creating a safe space to share his struggles with his sexuality. It sounds like he was getting off on making you complicit in his sexual fantasies. That's a huge red flag and I'd immediately be raising it with your DP.

At best, your BIL has no respect for your boundaries. At worst, he was actively messaging you to get off on sending you those images.

This. All day long.

GenerativeAIBot · 20/11/2024 13:41

Sounds far more like someone stole the phone and thought it was funny in the pub. Men do this all the time…

none the less. No secrets. Tell everyone. Record it all. Get to the bottom of it.

Cosyblankets · 20/11/2024 13:41

EmraldSky · 20/11/2024 13:40

could you please explain how this went on for 1.5 hours? what did you reply, if anything? and why didnt you shut it down??

I was about to say the same

BodyKeepingScore · 20/11/2024 13:41

OP, it doesn't sound like he was creating a safe space to share his struggles with his sexuality. It sounds like he was getting off on making you complicit in his sexual fantasies. That's a huge red flag and I'd immediately be raising it with your DP.

At best, your BIL has no respect for your boundaries. At worst, he was actively messaging you to get off on sending you those images.

EmraldSky · 20/11/2024 13:40

could you please explain how this went on for 1.5 hours? what did you reply, if anything? and why didnt you shut it down??

BodyKeepingScore · 20/11/2024 13:39

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/11/2024 13:19

Well yes, ring him obviously.

Sounds like someone has stolen his phone or something.

Stole his phone yet knew the name of OP's DP and his sister in law somehow?

StarCourt · 20/11/2024 13:38

@Calmondeck did he know your DH is currently away? If he did that's worse

MounjaroUser · 20/11/2024 13:38

ItGhoul · 20/11/2024 13:34

This really isn't the sort of thing that typically happens when someone's phone gets stolen!

Show quote history

Bit outing if anyone I know is here but my phone was stolen at a festival - I was a teacher and a lot of students had messaged saying they were worried about exam results - the people who stole it sent messages as though they were me, saying I thought they'd fail and they were the stupidest in the class. Another friend was having an affair with a married man (clear from past messages) and "I" wrote to her saying I was going to tell the man's wife and that I thought she was a slut, etc.

My students believed me next time I saw them and thought it was funny (they all compared messages) but my friend never really believed me.

It was in the days where you had to pay for messages and they used every last penny!

jelliestfish · 20/11/2024 13:37

But also agree that you need to talk to your DP asap about this. Don't sit on this for several days because it could appear to others that you were complicit, even passively.

OliviaRodrighost · 20/11/2024 13:36

I think I would’ve blocked before 1.5hours had passed. And then I would tell DH over the phone if possible.

MounjaroUser · 20/11/2024 13:35

He was getting off on talking to you about this. I'd tell my partner asap.

IdaGlossop · 20/11/2024 13:35

This is quite extreme and does have the characteristics of a practical joke. I agree with PP's suggestion to call BiL on a different phone and start by asking if he sent you multiple texts yesterday.

jelliestfish · 20/11/2024 13:34

That is so weird!

It sounds like you have known him for several years. What has your relationship been like previously? Have you ever felt uncomfortable around him? Does he have form for pushing other people's boundaries?

How I handled it would depend on how I felt about the above.

ItGhoul · 20/11/2024 13:34

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/11/2024 13:19

Well yes, ring him obviously.

Sounds like someone has stolen his phone or something.

This really isn't the sort of thing that typically happens when someone's phone gets stolen!

CucumberBagel · 20/11/2024 13:33

Did you respond at all during this exchange?

MagnificentTrousers · 20/11/2024 13:33

I would be bloody furious if my BIL (or anyone for that matter) was sending me pornographic pictures and bombarding me with his sexual fantasies for 1.5 hours. That is all sorts of wrong - if his wife knows about it, why doesn't he want you to say anything?

I suspect because it's giving him a thrill telling you OP, that's why.

Peopleinmyphone · 20/11/2024 13:33

This is so bizarre that I'd be questioning if he needs some urgent help with his mental health. Possibly.

Agree with others to tell your husband but not his wife at this point. That's probably what I'd do.

DecayingRelic · 20/11/2024 13:31

He is either a filthy pervert, on drugs or having some kind of medical episode

urrgh, I would block, tell DH and never speak to him again

RandomMess · 20/11/2024 13:29

It's likely he's told you these things because telling you is a turn in for him.

Original poster
Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 13:27

Yes indeed, I’m still feeling WTF. There was too much personal info within the texts for it to be a scam. My DP doesn’t return from o/s for a few days so I want to think about how to approach it. I was particularly worried about his wife but he said she already knew he’d had these fantasies/acted upon them in the past before they got together, so she thinks it’s a thing of the past/something from his 20s. He was grappling in the texts with his current identity as a family man, but a renewed desire to have gay oral sex “maybe 4 times a year” to satiate this desire. It was a complete stream of consciousness from him where he didn’t seem to require my input or feedback.

OP posts:
MagnificentTrousers · 20/11/2024 13:27

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/11/2024 13:19

Well yes, ring him obviously.

Sounds like someone has stolen his phone or something.

How would a thief know her DPs's name and BIL's wife's name?

He's not likely to have stored OPs name in his phone as 'Calmondeck, - partner of brother Dave'.

DanceMoveGrooveAndShoutIt · 20/11/2024 13:27

"Mates" pulling a prank? Or stolen phone? Is what I'd assume, knowing nothing else about him

Amarige · 20/11/2024 13:25

Seems odd. Possibly one of his mates took the phone as a prank?

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