BiL explicit texts - WWYD

This wasn't a confession, it was quite clearly a pleasure session

There’s telling you he’s confused about his identity and asking your thoughts on where he goes from here.
And there’s sending you pornographic images which was totally unnecessary.
Its either mates have taken his phone and it’s their idea of a joke.
Or he was getting a kick out of sending you the images. To me it sounds like in lieu of exposing himself but I might be overthinking.

You need to tell your husband and let him deal with BIL and I’d also text BIL and tell him his texting and especially sending images was way out of order.

Wtaf. I hope your only reply was ‘I don’t think I’m the person you should be sending this to’ and blocking him.

It does sound as though it was him who sent it, unfortunately. Hang on to it, screenshot, etc. I originally thought that could be why the man's poor wife was ringing you and now you have updated, I'm convinced of it so I now do think it's important to tell your husband.

This is awful for you, I'm so sorry. Whatever the guy has done, or does, he had no right to inflict such photographs on you. That is seriously weird and I can't imagine how his poor wife is feeling.

You take care of yourself. I'm glad your husband is home in a few days.

That’s such a bizarre situation that I’d tread very carefully as he can’t be in his right mind. I think I’d block his number now. Tell your husband everything and let him handle it.

what the hell do family gatherings look like now?!’n 🫤🤦🏻‍♀️🙈

Ooft, that’s kind of worrying OP. I’d leave aside the ‘it was a turn on for him’ hypothesis and tell your partner, with screen shots, regardless of whether he’s overseas or not. Your BIL might be having some sort of mental health episode and it’s not ridiculous to think his erratic behaviour may escalate. Someone needs to do some sort of welfare check (it shouldn’t be you). Once it’s established he’s not in the grip of some sort of episode that might cause danger to himself or others, the ‘whys’ of his behaviour can be gone into further, if necessary. It’s arguable he’s already broken the law, he needs some sort of intervention.

I'd text him and tell him you are telling DH and you don't want to ever receive anything like that again. This is not a problem you need be involved in and if he wants to offload to someone it should be his brother or someone else.

Then tell your DH and let him deal with it.

What a weirdo.

Absolutely this. I’d have been so horrified I’d have deleted and blocked after the first text. One and a half hours? Either someone’s got hold of his phone or OP is having us on

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

how on earth did you let it go on for so long without interrupting this 'stream of consciousness'? to say, 'hang on, I don't think it is appropriate for you to disclose/want to discuss anything like this with me'.

Don't even consider not telling your DH about this, and I'd be messaging the BIL back to tell him that, you could apologise for any confusion, but tell him if he needed to keep this sort of thing secret from you DH the he shouldn't have told you about any of it, as it's puts you in too awkward of a position.

Why didn't you shut it down straight away?!

Sounds like he got drunk last night and opened up to you. I don't think it was a mate's prank as it would have been more silly. What you are saying he wrote sounds real (and more common than we would like to think, probably).
I'm a little torn, part of me would want to help him keep his secret, as I've said (and done) many stupid things in the past before I quit drinking. But there could be a more sinister aspect to it - maybe he got off on talking to you about it - and the fact that he is your BIL makes me think it's probably a good idea to tell your partner, on the understanding that he deals with it discreetly.

Who is your partner's sibling? The BIL or his wife? I would only tell DP if it is his brother.

'kindly clear the chat'

🤔 🤔

Er, no, I'll keep it thanks

why on earth did you not shut this down and let it go on for 90mins?

tell your husband immediately

Tell your husband immediately. Don't sit on it.

If the phone has been stolen he can have that conversation immediately and it's all cleared up and you can relax.

If it was him tho, your husband will need to have THAT conversation, too.

And tell his wife. She needs to know, and to get tested - he may have been doing more than fantasising.

If it comes out later and they both find out you will have broken both their trust if you don't tell them today.

SHARING OBSCENE IMAGES IS A CRIMINAL OFFENCE

DO NOT FORWARD THEM TO YOUR DP OR THE MAN'S PARTNER

Imo he has no right to expect you to keep such a seedy secret from your dh. He may have no respect for his spouse but you do (don't you?!) telling your dh is the very least you should be doing. Telling his dw too. He is putting her sexual health at risk if he has ever acted on his fantasies... Block him after you have screen shot all the messages....

“I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

How much did you go along with the "chat" last night? Surely when he started sending explicit images it was obvious there was an issue and you told him it was inappropriate and cut it dead?

Tell you dp to call you when he is free to talk today and share the entire chat with him. Do not engage further with your BIL until your dp had a word with his brother.

I called worried something was wrong (DP is overseas on a work trip). BiL didn’t accept the call and asked if we could text instead.

How are people NOT assuming the messages were being sent by someone else? 😳

Of all the different possible explanations on this thread, I'd say that one's the most blindingly obvious.

Yes, it would have been better for everyone involved if he’d called Samaritans or another helpline instead of spilling the beans so close to home! Did he know his brother was away? Sounds like he was on drink or drugs which led to this confession

Huge coincidence if the messages came from someone who stole his phone, given his history of experimentation prior to marrying SIL.

Either off his head on coke, having an episode, has a brain tumor or is turning himself on by telling you. It seems to be all in the risk for him - and he's risking quite a lot by telling you because obviously you have to tell DH.

Save all the messages. Show DH. Consider telling SIL, but don't give BIL the heads up.

An outside bet, but could it have been SIL using his phone to message you that to test your loyalty to her?

Don't forward the images on to anyone else, even your DP. Sharing obscene images is an offence

Could he be having a breakdown or medical issue that would cause him to behave strangely?

YOu are the victim here but having said that, I don't know why you didn't tell him to stop immediately after the first message or two, and, if necessary, block him. I appreciate you probably didn't know what to do.

The reality is that he has gotten off on sending you these messages. It is, in my opinion, a form of sexual assualt - he has forced you to take part in his sexual fantasies and preferences without your consent.

I would text him back right now saying that no, you will not be keeping this fro your DH, you also do not want him to ever talk to you or send you any such messages again and that you expect a complete and fullsome apology. I'd be inclined to say you never want to see or speak to him again too but I imagine that is tricky.

😂 my guess is someone has stolen his phone