BiL explicit texts - WWYD

he was probably off his head on coke.

I'd message him some numbers to get help and tell him he needs to tell his wife before you do.

It may have already been suggested, but screenshot everything before he does the 'delete for everyone ' if on WhatsApp.

That is the creep tactic. They spread the net wide and push boundaries to test reactions and those with who were taught good emotional and psychological boundaries run a mile (or alternatively strong characters) and those whose boundaries were compromised (or who are naïve characters) make excuses for their predatory behaviour. This is a tale as old as time from predators.

i agree with others OP, him sending explicit photos and describing encounters is way more than confusion about his sexuality.

he's framing it in that way, but really he is being sexually inappropriate in so some of voyueristic way. Its nasty, and extremely inappropriate.

maybe is some sort of humiliation kink or gods knows, either way tell you DH immediately don't let 24 hours pass.

screen shots as well. i'd also tell his wife, because god knows how may other people he may be harassing inn this way, but discuss with your DH first on next steps.

id honestly seek some advice from people who work in sex therapy or abuse because how safe is he? has he done it before? will the behaviour escalate?

He's a pervert for forcing explicit images on the OP without her consent.

I am wondering if this some kind of scam /prank - I got a weird email last week that went into trash from someone I know really well ( senior business person) asking if I could respond and help him out with something - except when I clicked on the email it wasn't this persons email address - so I deleted it .

The fact you didn't speak to the person does make me wonder. Did you check the number it came from and not just the name

Exactly what I was thinking, I would of shut him down straight after the 1st msg.
I'd def tell dp today , don't wait .

If he does mgs again ask him to tell you something that he can't guess or pretend he's forgotten
Ie if you have 2 dd don't ask him their names , ask him your ( nonexistent) sons name.
Or if you don't drive ask him what model/ colour your car is.
If his phone is stolen they will reply something like , I am no good with names / cars / holidays you went on if its your bil he will say , you don't have a son , don't drive , haven't been to xyz.

But I doubt it's stolen , I think he is just been a horrible person.

Well said 🙏

The additional information OP has provided has changed my understanding of what looks like a distressing situation for the OP, BiL and SiL. OP it is not right for you to be involved in any way. I hope your DP helps you find a way to make this absolutely clear to BiL and SiL in a way that remains compassionate for them both.

Sounds like he was implicating you in his fetish/exploration of sexuality.

Explicit pictures though, so what's the difference? It wasn't about their nice smile.

He's a very dangerous disturbed man.

OP, it doesn't sound like he was creating a safe space to share his struggles with his sexuality. It sounds like he was getting off on making you complicit in his sexual fantasies. That's a huge red flag and I'd immediately be raising it with your DP.

Exactly this. It's extremely manipulative to use 'safe space' to try to force you into secrecy. I hate it how creeps take terms that are meant to make vulnerable people feel safe and use it to cover their own pervy power-play. Please do not get pressured into covering for him or keeping this secret. It is absolutely not on for him to force you into his unsolicited sexual fantasies and I have no doubt it turned him on. If he really wanted help or advice, why the hell would he ask his sister in law?? It's so creepy and needs to not be kept a dirty little secret.

I agree being gay or bi does not make someone a pervert but sending explicit photographs (porn) to another person, uninvited, is perverted. He obviously now wishes he hasn't but from what he said, thanking the op for being a safe space, etc, he now sees her as a confidante.

He does need help but his sister in law is not the person to give it, it's totally unfair and you just do not send porny photographs to people.

I would have replied after the first text telling him that it’s disgusting and not appropriate then blocked him

I'm inclined to agree with @Annabella92.

Quite convenient that he felt the need to unburden himself to you when he knew your DP was out of the country. Disgusting pervert (not because he fancies men but because of what he's done to you).

@Calmondeck

from your updates I suspect he was drunk and is in a bit of a crisis.

Maybe he's already seeing someone/on Grindr and is just sort of floating the information about his true self to see how it lands.

Given your updates about his past I would tell his partner. And tell her to have protected sex.

Err... could it be some sort of prank? It'd still be awful, of course, but it would be another kind of worry...
I would definitely tell my DP, though. I personally feel it's a violation of trust and of your boundaries, and you deserve to tell it to your partner to get him to help you ensure this never happens again.
"Best" case, it's a (horrible) prank; worst case, your BIL is seriously a creepy boundary pusher. Either way, you better limit contact with this sinister individual...

The photos he sent weren’t of men giving and receiving oral, as far as I understood, it was pictures of men he was attracted to. Is that right, OP?

He can’t tell you to keep secrets from your partner. He’s clearly getting off on involving you, why else would he have sent photos? I assume you already know what a dick looks like so it adds nothing to his story! Filthy sod.

This is boundary testing, all predators do it. It is how they choose their victims. Tell your DH immediately so you are not covering his tracks for him. His mind is warped he will twist thinking his own mind that you telling is worse than him sending the messages. How will your DH respond?

Whatever you do, you need to do SOMETHING, otherwise you are going to be bombarded with texts like this every time BIL gets horny/confused. He could be testing to see whether or not you react, or whether you are going to be a repository for his fantasies every time he gets a bit hot under the collar.

So you need to let him know that you won't keep his secrets, whichever way you choose to do this.

He's not a pervert for being gay or bi.

Sounds like he's having a massive crisis

But I would tell DH and possibly even his wife tbh. Because she deserves to know.

Screenshot everything.

Tell him to never do that again. And that he must tell his wife and your DP what he said or you will

I'd tell DP and get him to his speak to his brother (are they close?)