BiL explicit texts - WWYD

The issue is this is sexual harassment.

I thought the BIL was DHs brother. Didn't realise the wife was her sister. Of course tell the sister.

Feeling the need to confide in you is one thing, but sending you explicit images is something completely different. I can’t see any possible justification for that, other than his own sexual gratification in knowing you were seeing them.

The BIL made it @Calmondeck place to tell his wife when he involved her in his fantasises with no permission and interest.

If the OP wants to tell his wife then it is absolutely her place. The OP is the most involved person in this however unwanted the communication was

Her DH is at work I would imagine he doesn’t have the space to explode even if he wants to

So your DH sounds to be ok with his brother texting his wife stuff like this?!?

This, he’s trying to silence you

That’s incredibly weird. You’re sure it’s not a scam? A mental health episode? Did you say anything back to him?

I think the first thing you need to do is block him and then talk to your husband. I think your husband needs to make gentle enquiries as to whether your BIL is ok. Once you’ve established whether he’s mentally sound (and that it was definitely him) you can decide on next steps.

100%

1.5 hours of explicit fantasy and images is not confiding. If your husband doesn’t see this as pretty grim sexual harassment you also have a DH problem as well as a BIL problem.

Gay men can sexually harass women and some do.

You never agreed to be his 'safe place' before he literally dumped all that on you without input from a distance.

I'm glad you've told your DP. Hopefully he can talk to his brother about what's going on and support him if he needs it.

i think you are being sidetracked by the fact he was talking about taboo oral sex with a man. It’s not about that. If he had texted his brothers wife at home with her children, knowing her dh was away, to tell you he really wanted oral sex with a woman or even with his wife you would think he was a pervert to be targeting you that way. If he poured those images into your mind and then told you not to tell anyone, you’d think he was a creepy grooming manipulative shit if a pervert. You would be right.

My dh would be furious if his brother used me in this way and so should yours.

It sounds like it's extremely out of character .

I'd be worried he's having a mental break episode. I've seen this kind of thing before, and it's turned out that the person has become unwell.

I'd handle this sensitively and wouldn't be too hasty to label him until you've got a clearer picture of his well-being. But yes absolutely disclose to your husband, but try and get him not to rush in all guns.

Exactly. If your husband is fine with this you have a HUGE problem.

This!!! Are you meant to be a dumping ground for explicit verbal diarrhea and sexual images just because a man is conflicted about his sexuality OP??

The issue isn't your BIL is gay. Your dh needs to be outraged his brother has sent all this to his partner!

Bloody hell!

Safe space? Bollocks to that. He used YOU for his fantasies, without any permission, texted what for 1.5 hours? Did you reply?

Tell your dh immediately and his wife. He doesn't get to boss you about having done this.

1.5 hrs!? For real? At no point say what 20 seconds in did you not think to actually RING HIM and say Phil mate what the f are you on? Pack it in now before I put DH on and ring your wife.

Ah no of course not. You're the generation that buys something off FB and then sends a text to say 'I"m outside'

I despair! What the hell are you now going to tell your husband? DH , he just went on for 1.5 hrs and I got confused! Deary me.

Don't you think it strange that he declined to talk and wanted to do it by text. Any chance someone could have got their hands on his phone and done this to cause trouble in his relationship? Maybe someone who knows him?

I would ring and speak with him and clarify the situation because it is not appropriate to off load this on you without warning - if it was actually him.

i was once scammed whereby someone had hacked into my phone and changed a contact by one number in their phone number. Then they sent vile texts from that phone number - because they had changed the contact i had no idea and thought it was her. I double checked with a friend and we realised the phone numbers were very slightly different. It was the strangest thing!! They also knew the name of her boyfriend - because I guess they would have had access to all her other messages where he was mentioned

It almost seems like a cry for help or change. On some level he probs knows it's going to get back to his wife and then they'll have to break up. Seems like he's not plucked up the courage to end it himself.

Show your DP, show his wife, block him on everything. His wife needs to know he’s doing that. He may be having gay sex fantasies but telling unconsenting women is part of what he was getting off on.

He is not confiding in you that he’s gay, he is making you participate in his sex fantasy.

“Offloading genuine worries verbally or written through text is one thing, I’d have been concerned and happy to support. Sending explicit photographic images is a crime and I will be considering my next steps. I will be informing DH, Don’t contact me again.”

Of course screenshot first then block. He will absolutely minimise this/make it out to be your issue so get those screenshots ASAP.