BiL explicit texts - WWYD

Exactly, oh poor cocaine riddled sexpest wanking himself into oblivion diddums.

Sending someone unsolicited pornographic images isn't a cry for help.

WTF did I just read?

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

What a cheeky, uppity shit. Would he like you to doff your cap whilst he's giving orders too? (was about to say "kiss his ring" but in the context of this topic ... 😬)

From the response your husband had, he doesn't sound like a peach either.

“I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

I’d reply:

Firstly what you did last night was wholly inappropriate. Never contact me with that content again. Secondly, don’t you dictate what I do! I will not kindly clear the chat. I will speak to my husband about it and then I may decide to also talk to your wife. Had a brief chat with DH earlier and he didn’t seem overly surprised, so I assume you have had these deep rooted issues for a while. Don’t reply.

make sure you have the whole lot screenshotted

definitely talk with your DP further and prioritise the protection of your own relationship. It’s awful that he did this and then told you to delete and not tell DP/his DW.

I don’t think you should tell his DW at this stage.

I would not respond to any further messages from him.

He’s sent explicit images to you unsolicited. I wonder whether he was getting off on that - and I’d put that directly to your DP and see what he says.

Text him to say you don’t want any other contact from him and you will be sharing with your DP when he’s home and let him deal with it. If it was going on for 1.5 hours, had you been replying at all??

So bizzare. Also bizarre that your Dh seemed quite nonchalant (but maybe a rushed call).

How bizarre?! If it was coming from a place of needing to vent a truth to a trusted friend, why not just say. 'I'm feeling embarrassed to say this to anyone, but I've been getting into gay porn.' you might offer some kind of practical advice to that. Even then it's a bit much. But sending tons of explicit pictures and descriptions is disgusting. It's illegal to send images of a sexual nature against someone's consent. You need to tell him he's broken the law.
And either he's got a very very good explanation or you tell everyone.

No if its genuine, don't go ballistic. It was most definitely not appropriate but it clearly wasn't a rational and reasonable thought process and who offloads on someone for 90 mins without some sort of exchange - he was probably off his head. If he was sober he would have queried the none response.

He has issues, sometimes you do stuff when you are under the influence that you wouldn't dare talk to someone about. Is he married/in a relationship with a female because if he is I can see why he is troubled and which comes first, the confusion or the drugs.

I have no idea how explicit he was, but either this was someone else trying to cause trouble or he is inadvertently crying out for help. If he has never been this forthcoming before, its not nastiest, he is struggling. Again it doesn't make what he said or did any better but it informs how it should be tackled if it wasn't a prank.

Maybe read the whole of @Calmondeck posts

Sounds like some sort of scam. 🤷‍♀️

@Calmondeck

So DH wasn't surprised that his brother has gay fantasies. Sounds like he's known about that for some time so he was able to be calm about it. Maybe DH & you spoke about this in a rush so didn't have time to really talk, but did you not tell him about the pics and was he not upset about that?

I can see my DH being somewhat calm about his DB simply confessing to me that he was gay/had gay fantasies if that was all that happened, but the 'dirty words' and the sending of porno pics would really piss him off.

I'm sure you and DH will discuss this at length tonight. Hopefully he'll call his brother and give him 'down the road' for bringing you into his shit.

I do think that if the decision is made to tell his wife, that you should do it. I think it'd be easier to hear it from another woman.

I'm a bit torn here, he obviously felt he could confide in you but then the explicit messages are totally not on. I would message back saying "It's not really that simple given that this all came out of nowhere and certainly wasn't encouraged. Truthfully you've put me in a horrible situation. I would like to just say that I'm always here to listen to you and support you, but never want images like that sent to my phone again. If that happens, I will be telling DH".

It's not her sister and if someone did this they would also be guilty of sexual harassment.

Send them all to your sister too - all of them and say ‘this is what Graham did last night’ etc

Screen shot. Block and forward them to your DH to deal with by email (email the evidence). Please screen shot them all. This is abusive. He got a turn on from telling you - you aren’t a wife or a therapist. Be careful he doesn’t manipulate the conversation into you had been sexting him so save the lot before you block. What a horrid little man.

I thought the BIL was DHs brother. Didn't realise the wife was her sister. Of course tell the sister.

You were right the first time, OP does say the BIL is the DH's brother.

OP is still under no obligation to hide that she has been sexually harrassed by this man. From his wife or anyone. It would serve him right if she told the world. Keeping silent just encourages him to do it again to some other poor woman in his circle.

Definitely tell your DH. BIL is likely to do it again if he thinks he's got away with it.

Oops, sorry, didn't see the update.

Definitely be led by your DP. This outcome shows that a lot of the initial outraged extreme posting was just SoMuchBadAdvice. I do think that the event was outrageous, and wrong, but BiL is family, & in particular your DP's problem. Yes you were a victim, & I would expect DP to be concerned for you before his brother, but hopefully you can proceed with maturity & kindness.

If this was genuinely your bil why you? Of all people he thinks the best person to tell him "secret" too is his brothers partner? Its not adding up, id say maybe a prankster mate of his or something

This is bizarre. He'd have got a "not appropriate" and a block from me, I certainly wouldn't have entertained him sending repeated images.

wtf? I'd be telling my DP deffinetly!

I can only assume your DH was distracted and assumed his bro had simply told you about being sexually confused - rather than the fact that he actually sent you graphic images of males engaging in sex acts. That's shocking, and he should definitely be told how inappropriate and disgusting that is.

Edit to say I thought it was DH's brother, but others are saying it's OP's sister's husband.... I'm not sure.
Either way it's wrong.