Page 12 | BiL explicit texts - WWYD

AliasGrace47 · 20/11/2024 21:23

Your BIL has a bloody cheek, to put it mildly.. You did right to tell, OP. His wife deserved to know. What a horrible experience!

Original poster

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 21:21

And @canyouletthedogoutplease i have no idea why he’s come to me. Maybe he wants me to alert DP. Maybe it’s just a Timezone thing and I was the only one he knew would be awake. I mean he obviously has no issues with guys so I don’t think it was anything to do with me being a woman. Or maybe he thinks I’m reserved and wanted to shock me. Well he succeeded.

OP posts:

Horses7 · 20/11/2024 21:20

This went on for 1.5 hours? Or have I misread - why didn’t you just say I’m not doing this and stop replying. If he didn’t take the hint I’d have blocked him. Tell your husband as soon as he’s home before it becomes a bigger secret.

IAm16StoneHalloween2024 · 20/11/2024 21:19

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 21:15

@FairyMaclary I think you’re absolutely right - he’s getting off on the exposure part

I’d speak to the police. He can see if it’s as exciting when speaking in an interview room. It is considered harassment apparently.

Original poster

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 21:15

@FairyMaclary I think you’re absolutely right - he’s getting off on the exposure part

OP posts:

ZorbaTheHoarder · 20/11/2024 21:14

He's a wanker, in every sense of the word!

canyouletthedogoutplease · 20/11/2024 21:13

I'd reply and say that you've spoke at length to DH about it, and further correspondance re family matters should be with him, not you. Tell him he's overstepped massively, and while you wish him well, you don't want to be involved further in his sexual life, regardless of what that entails.

Alibababandthe40sheets · 20/11/2024 21:10

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 20:57

Thanks for all the perspectives. Regarding some of the questions - no my phone doesn’t automatically save pictures (so I don’t have a camera roll full of random men), BiL and my DP are brothers. BiL is married (to a woman) they have very young children.

DP and I have now spoken via video. He apologised for the low key reaction - he was surrounded by colleagues and had just broken away assuming I was phoning to say something mundane about one of our children. Tonight I could see he was totally floored. He said his brother had drunkenly revealed this fascination when he was single and living abroad years and years ago. DP wrongly assumed this was a youthful fascination and said he’d really not given it thought since. BiL returned home, settled down, became ‘a family man’. As DP was talking this all out I had to interrupt him to say “you’re not going to believe this…. But… I can see your brother messaging me”. The messages were dropping down at the top of the screen.

I abruptly shut it down saying he needed to have this conversation with his wife. He then says, buoyed with confidence from me not shutting him down last night, he’s told his wife today.

My brain was screaming ‘this can’t be real’

Long story short, to those who thought he is getting off on this, I think you’re correct. He said wife is being understanding (in my head I read this as shock) and then he went on to say he even showed her some photos of what he’s interested in. So “she could understand this is about lust, not anything about our solid relationship”. My reading of this is that he’s totally infatuated in his fantasies and can’t stop himself from over sharing. Narcissistic.

My DP is going to fact check whether the wife actually knows, once that’s clarified I guess there will be a bigger conversation.

Why is he sending you this stuff and unburdening himself onto you @Calmondeck?

FairyMaclary · 20/11/2024 21:09

If she knows then no issue you meeting her and showing the texts. Don’t mention it, just meet her.

He is getting off on it, like flashers get off on it. Seems crazy to women how they get off on flashing and dick pics but they do.

JawsCushion · 20/11/2024 21:07

This is all so seedy. Stand your ground. None of this is okay.

Original poster

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 20:57

Thanks for all the perspectives. Regarding some of the questions - no my phone doesn’t automatically save pictures (so I don’t have a camera roll full of random men), BiL and my DP are brothers. BiL is married (to a woman) they have very young children.

DP and I have now spoken via video. He apologised for the low key reaction - he was surrounded by colleagues and had just broken away assuming I was phoning to say something mundane about one of our children. Tonight I could see he was totally floored. He said his brother had drunkenly revealed this fascination when he was single and living abroad years and years ago. DP wrongly assumed this was a youthful fascination and said he’d really not given it thought since. BiL returned home, settled down, became ‘a family man’. As DP was talking this all out I had to interrupt him to say “you’re not going to believe this…. But… I can see your brother messaging me”. The messages were dropping down at the top of the screen.

I abruptly shut it down saying he needed to have this conversation with his wife. He then says, buoyed with confidence from me not shutting him down last night, he’s told his wife today.

My brain was screaming ‘this can’t be real’

Long story short, to those who thought he is getting off on this, I think you’re correct. He said wife is being understanding (in my head I read this as shock) and then he went on to say he even showed her some photos of what he’s interested in. So “she could understand this is about lust, not anything about our solid relationship”. My reading of this is that he’s totally infatuated in his fantasies and can’t stop himself from over sharing. Narcissistic.

My DP is going to fact check whether the wife actually knows, once that’s clarified I guess there will be a bigger conversation.

OP posts:

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:55

Thelnebriati · 20/11/2024 20:54

What he did is predatory. Its unlawful to send unsolicited dick pics.

holy pickles, i missed that part that is wayyyy out of order, i really need to read all the ops comments rather than just skim read

Thelnebriati · 20/11/2024 20:54

What he did is predatory. Its unlawful to send unsolicited dick pics.

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:50

Dotto · 20/11/2024 20:49

It comes across as victim blaming, however.

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which part ??

Dotto · 20/11/2024 20:49

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:47

maybe, and ill admit its likely , i do try to presume the best in people in general

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It comes across as victim blaming, however.

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:47

Dotto · 20/11/2024 20:46

Pickles001 - your atitude is extremely naive.

maybe, and ill admit its likely , i do try to presume the best in people in general

Dotto · 20/11/2024 20:46

Pickles001 - your atitude is extremely naive.

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:45

Abi86 · 20/11/2024 20:07

So…he wanted a safe space by invading yours? Fuck that.

of course you must tell your partner.

he did originally ask the op for the conversation

Pickles001 · 20/11/2024 20:44

Calmondeck · 20/11/2024 13:15

I’m having a ‘did that just happen’ moment… have not disclosed this to my DP yet

Received a text from BiL asking for a chat. This is extremely unprecedented, we send the rare occasional birthday text or family photo.

I called worried something was wrong (DP is overseas on a work trip). BiL didn’t accept the call and asked if we could text instead.

He rapidly disclosed a hidden obsession with male on male oral sex and suddenly started sending me explicit images of random men, complete with commentary about what he’d do with them. His texting went on for 1.5 hrs.

I woke up today vaguely wondering whether it was a scam, but feeling certain it wasn’t.

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

My mind is spinning. Any advice?

i understand the omg but he at least asked for a chat and presuming part of that chat would be confidentiality otherwise this is why some people in society keep secrets because when they think they can trust people and just need some one to talk to as this thread shows many are like omg show your partner etc when instead yes the convo sounds like too much detail but they could be having an identity crisis etc ?

JimPanzee · 20/11/2024 20:21

ilovelamp82 · 20/11/2024 20:14

I thought the wife was her DH's sister. I would have told my DH and expected him to tell her. Now I understand that it's her sister, obviously I think she should tell her.

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OP's DP and the sender are brothers.

ilovelamp82 · 20/11/2024 20:14

Herewegoagain84 · 20/11/2024 19:30

Whose place is it then?! Always interested to know how an innocent party has to continue living a life with someone when they have no idea of their true colours - while close family do? To what end?

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I thought the wife was her DH's sister. I would have told my DH and expected him to tell her. Now I understand that it's her sister, obviously I think she should tell her.

Bigsigh24 · 20/11/2024 20:14

Scam or someone got his phone I would say x

LifeExperience · 20/11/2024 20:09

BIL used you for sexual gratification without your consent. That's wrong on many levels. You must tell dh and if it ruins their relationship it's no great loss. BIL is vile and abusive.

Abi86 · 20/11/2024 20:07

So…he wanted a safe space by invading yours? Fuck that.

of course you must tell your partner.

PinotPony · 20/11/2024 20:03

I’m curious as to what extent you were responding to him. You mentioned that you made your excuses at the end of the conversation but what were your replies as he was dumping all this on you for 1.5 hours? If you were engaging in the conversation and sounding sympathetic, he may well have thought it was ok to offload, particularly if he was pissed or high. I’m not saying it was right but wondering why you didn’t shut him down immediately.