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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find a lost wallet and keep the money inside

407 replies

FindersKeepers1 · 20/11/2024 13:08

Today I found a wallet on the floor in ASDA. A decent leather, heavy wallet with credit cards inside etc. I quickly handed it into a security guard who then handed it into customer services. Told DH and he asked if I kept the money inside? He was half joking but said that he would keep the cash as a “finders fee” and that it served the boomer right for dropping their wallet (it was a wallet of an older man)

Tried to talk to him, would he really keep the money he found and he would! Although he then accused me of starting a fight.

OP posts:
HamptonPlace · 22/11/2024 17:01

Justleaveitblankthen · 20/11/2024 16:14

Someone who runs a cash business and on their way to the bank (Hairdressing/window cleaning) or someone directly from the bank on their way to pay a bill for an elderly/infirm/ relative, to name just two examples.
I very rarely use my card and run a CASH business. 40% tax payer, totally above board.
We are not all drug dealers 🙄

A rare thing I get these days! I went 2 years without a wallet (until this year), travelling to several countries in that time - and never had a problem buying anything! So just surprised farmers markets (ven buskers!) these days typically have an inexpensive car machine (which charge (I think) about 0.3/0.4 %). If they don't have one, they aren't going to get my custom, and I think this is true of a large portion of the population... and will become increasingly so...

Angrywife · 22/11/2024 12:06

Pretty sure he could be charged with theft if there was a way of identifying him from the cameras.
People have been charged for taking money left at a cash machine that wasn't theirs.
Dick move on his part.

taxguru · 22/11/2024 11:15

@Copernicus321

The only thing we have left as a nation is that we were essentially an honest people, we have law and low levels of corruption (anyone who knows India will know what is holding that nation back).

I think, sadly, that ship has sailed. When you look at High Streets full of money laundering Turkish barbers, hair/nail/tattoo salons, ethnic stores and mobile phone accessory shops, none of which ever appear to have customers yet manage to pay High Street rents and have a disproportionate number of workers hanging around, I don't think we can say we're "essentially honest" anymore.

Nor when you see all the illegal parking, speeding, driving through red lights, mobile phone use when driving, driving without seat belts, cars without valid road tax or MOT, etc etc.

Nor the open drug dealing on our streets. Nor the illegal electric bikes or scooters. Nor the open litter dropping, street drunken-ness, etc.

Then we come to benefit fraud and tax evasion, particularly the "black economy" of "cash in hand" payments to avoid income tax, VAT and NIC.

Over the 40 years I've been an accountant, I've seen a big increase in tax evasion and benefit fraud, mostly due to lack of any kind of enforcement at "street level" so people do a "little bit" of evasion, get away with it, and so do more, tell their friends and family, etc.

As there's no political will for better enforcement by the various government agencies, police, councils, etc., for the "small" crimes and rule breaking, I can only see things getting a lot worse.

EdnaTheWitch · 22/11/2024 11:09

His values are in absolute contrast to mine so it would be a dealbreaker for me.

Copernicus321 · 22/11/2024 11:00

The trouble is, this amorality, loss of a moral compass runs from the top down. There was a time when good moral character and honesty was expected from people. Now, when we see MP's and other business leaders embezzling and blatantly getting away with it, we just say, well why not me. I'm shocked at the shoplifting that now goes on in our high streets or people slipping items through on the self-checkout as if it's a harmless game. I still correct a bill in a restaurant even when it's not in my favour, if I knowingly paid for bill that was missing an item I would consider it theft.

As a country, we've lost almost everything, our industrial and scientific base and now we've voted Brexit, slowly the rest of the economy will slide away. The only thing we have left as a nation is that we were essentially an honest people, we have law and low levels of corruption (anyone who knows India will know what is holding that nation back). The minute our sense of what is right and wrong is replaced by what we think we can get away with, then this country has nothing going for it at all.

Switcher · 22/11/2024 10:32

Careful he never finds my sister's wallet. Me and my DH both joke about this, but everyone who wrongs her seems to meet a terrible fate! For example, she's been dumped three times in her life: 1) Died of cancer at 40, 2) was on a rtw regatta when he dumped her, and it was abandoned because within 25 hours he got appendicitis, 3) lost his job...
When she loses things, even laptops on trains (seriously), they're returned in perfect condition, so I assume so far no stranger has met the hand of fate she appears to deal. So let's hope your DH never nicks her stuff! Only half joking.

taxguru · 22/11/2024 10:18

I think this thread illustrates the growing trend of increasing numbers of people only complying with laws and morals if they're likely to be found out and/or punished if they didn't comply. Totally wrong.

But the trouble is that people see others getting away with things, however small, like speeding, "cash in hand" work tax evasion, benefit fraud, driving holding a mobile phone, dropping litter, driving through red lights, drug dealing, etc., and just think "sod it" why bother complying when others don't.

It's the slippery slope, and caused by the haphazard way that laws/rules are enforced (or not) and people no longer being bothered by lack of morals in others.

DancingOctopus · 22/11/2024 10:09

If I lost my purse, I would hope that someone would be honest enough to hand it in, along with its contents and therefore if I find one, I hand it in with everything as it was.
I hate to say this, but I hope your husband loses something and the person finding it is as dishonest as him.

TheMerryCritic · 22/11/2024 10:05

Ugh! Just read the bit about him telling you (his wife!) he can do what he likes as it’s ’his’ car!! In what world does a family man tell his wife it’s HIS car? In particular to excuse his unspeakably (well actually, speaking is the problem!) vile behaviour? You really picked a bad ‘un there and it’s important you realise that. Otherwise you’ll let him undermine you. Don’t you have ‘real’ friends or family to confide in? To give you emotional support? Sounds to me like he’s hellbent on turning your son into a macho alpha male too...you’ll be last in the pecking order. Maybe the only way he’ll accept that in law you own half the car too…is if you divorce him. And take your ‘finder’s fee’.

Thelittleweasel · 22/11/2024 09:55

@FindersKeepers1

You did what everyone should do!

The definition of theft is [a five part test] Dishonestly - appropriates - property - belonging to another - with the intention to permanently deprive.

Phoenix1Arisen · 22/11/2024 09:51

Interesting that he doesn't hurl insults at people to their faces only from the safety of his car. Not daft is he? Just cowardly as well as deeply dishonest.

TheMerryCritic · 22/11/2024 09:49

Honestly? I feel you are seeking assurance that you’re not the one in the wrong here…because your husband is making digs, destabilising you. You’re not happy with him but when you’re in a live-in relationship with someone, have a child/children with them, and especially if it’s legally tied by marriage, changing that situation can seem an insurmountable hurdle. I feel this is less about the wallet and more about you wanting validation from others due to the fact you just can’t relate to him or his values. It’s a shame. You do you (ADHD or whatever conditions you have may muddy the waters…is he taking advantage of your vulnerability?), don’t let him change who you are

FelixtheAardvark · 22/11/2024 09:39

Your DP sounds like a right piece of shit.

FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:37

TheMerryCritic · 22/11/2024 09:29

The question is confusing…it reads ‘AIBU if I keep the money’…and 87% say no! (Currently). I’m guessing they mean yes… ie that she is not the unreasonable party in this scenario (and they are ignoring the original question/title). I wasted my vote 🤣Re: DH. I can only assume it’s a joke on his part, though OP’s reference to ‘half joking’ suggests she knows he means it. Warning signs right there. He’s unethical (hopefully the security guard didn’t have the same outlook). That poor man dropped his wallet and was probably frantic. The fact he uses cash at all suggests to me he’s not Mr Moneybags. Does the OP require validation that she’s not going out of her mind…being with someone dishonest weighs heavy on your ability to trust 😟

So he wasn’t with me when I found the wallet and handed it straight in. There’s no thought in it really, that’s just what any decent person would do. It’s hard to say if he was pulling my leg. We returned to ASDA and had a coffee a day later and I pointed out the spot that I found the wallet. He said - “should have kept it” again - was he joking? I constantly doubt myself and his intentions. I have ADHD with autistic traits and struggle with tone etc. But when questioned he could not give me a straight answer, he couldn’t tell me what he would do if he was in that situation? Not if the person was standing right next to him but if they were long gone he wouldn’t answer properly.

Surely it’s a given? You hand it in! You shouldn’t have to think about it.

OP posts:
FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:31

I apologise that the question is confusing! 🙈

OP posts:
TheMerryCritic · 22/11/2024 09:29

The question is confusing…it reads ‘AIBU if I keep the money’…and 87% say no! (Currently). I’m guessing they mean yes… ie that she is not the unreasonable party in this scenario (and they are ignoring the original question/title). I wasted my vote 🤣Re: DH. I can only assume it’s a joke on his part, though OP’s reference to ‘half joking’ suggests she knows he means it. Warning signs right there. He’s unethical (hopefully the security guard didn’t have the same outlook). That poor man dropped his wallet and was probably frantic. The fact he uses cash at all suggests to me he’s not Mr Moneybags. Does the OP require validation that she’s not going out of her mind…being with someone dishonest weighs heavy on your ability to trust 😟

Error404pagenotfound · 22/11/2024 09:21

FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:12

I’m so glad it was returned to you. I lost my husbands credit card once and returned panicked to the shop and thankfully it was handed in. I have had a purse stolen in uni which I never got back, it’s a horrible feeling.

It really is! It was too late to call uni last night when I realised so I’ve been panicking all night. Everything, including cash, is still in there. I hope the person who handed it in left their details so I can thank them.

You sound really lovely OP, you deserve an equally lovely partner.

FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:14

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 22/11/2024 09:09

Your DH is using all of that language in front of you as a control mechanism, and just because it’s his car, it doesn’t mean he should subject you to it. Uber would go out of business if their customers had to sit through it.
The wallet business aside, any man who used the language your DH uses hates women. It is that simple. And he’s passing that onto your son.
The whole situation should have you thinking - do I want to spend my life with a dishonest man who clearly disrespects women?
You deserve better.

I’ve told him multiple times that it makes me very uncomfortable but he accuses me of controlling him and controlling what he says. He’s driving so he can say wherever he likes apparently, even in front of the kids 😔

OP posts:
FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:12

Error404pagenotfound · 22/11/2024 09:09

I commented on this post earlier in the week to say how I had found a wallet in the snow on Tuesday and returned it to its owner.

Well yesterday, I lost my purse on campus at Uni and some kind soul has just handed it in to reception for me. What goes around comes around.

I’m glad a decent human found my purse and not your husband.

I’m so glad it was returned to you. I lost my husbands credit card once and returned panicked to the shop and thankfully it was handed in. I have had a purse stolen in uni which I never got back, it’s a horrible feeling.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 22/11/2024 09:09

Your DH is using all of that language in front of you as a control mechanism, and just because it’s his car, it doesn’t mean he should subject you to it. Uber would go out of business if their customers had to sit through it.
The wallet business aside, any man who used the language your DH uses hates women. It is that simple. And he’s passing that onto your son.
The whole situation should have you thinking - do I want to spend my life with a dishonest man who clearly disrespects women?
You deserve better.

Error404pagenotfound · 22/11/2024 09:09

I commented on this post earlier in the week to say how I had found a wallet in the snow on Tuesday and returned it to its owner.

Well yesterday, I lost my purse on campus at Uni and some kind soul has just handed it in to reception for me. What goes around comes around.

I’m glad a decent human found my purse and not your husband.

FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:09

Jc2001 · 22/11/2024 08:26

Not sure why you need to keep asking him after everything you've said about him. You already know what sort of person he is

We talked about morals I said that I’m not perfect but I try my best to be a good, decent, honest person. I will always strive to do the right thing in any situation. He called me a hypocrite but refused to say why he thought that.

OP posts:
FindersKeepers1 · 22/11/2024 09:06

Jc2001 · 22/11/2024 08:26

Not sure why you need to keep asking him after everything you've said about him. You already know what sort of person he is

I think I must be very naive as I like to think that most people would do the right thing. DH said I’m in the minority and that most people would just pinch it. I disagree and like to think most people are honest.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 22/11/2024 08:26

FindersKeepers1 · 21/11/2024 17:32

So I spoke to DH again today. We were in a cafe and I asked him, hypothetically, if we were the only ones in here and the staff were nowhere to be seen - if we found a wallet on the table with money in it and ID - would he take the money?

He said again - not if the person was next to him. I asked him - would he take the money? He said he couldn’t possibly answer that until he was in that position himself. I couldn’t pin him down - he said he would like to think he would hand it in or put it in a post box but couldn’t possibly predict what he would do in the moment?

Surely something like that needs no thought?

Not sure why you need to keep asking him after everything you've said about him. You already know what sort of person he is

AInightingale · 22/11/2024 06:49

Guest100 · 22/11/2024 01:44

I would be tempted to wait until he has a decent amount of cash in his wallet, take out the cash, ring the doorbell and hand his wallet to him and say. Someone just returned your wallet.’ See how he reacts to the finders fee.

Haha! Brilliant idea.