To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

Why is he turning off the tv at his bedtime if you’re planning to stay up and potentially watch something?

Lol. I have adhd and I've always assumed that that's why I seem to be able to function with very little sleep!

Neurodivergence certainly affects sleep patterns. It just doesn't affect all of us in the same way!

I don't think it even matters why the OP's DH needs more sleep. The fact is, he has identified that he needs 9 hours to feel at his best. I don't know why the OP can't just respect that.

I’m almost too envious to type. 9 hours!! I’m lucky to get 6. It yes it’s normal for some people

Agree. And what does he do for work?

Why does he need to be up so early? I think the 9 hours sleep isn't really the issue so much as the 9pm bedtime (which is on the early side).

If it's because he's at work for very long hours,is it possible to change that for something closer to home/shorter working day?

It's not 'ridiculous' no. It's what he needs. I need around 8 to feel optimal and few nights of much less definitely affects me quite badly.

What time does he leave the house if he gets up at 6.15? If he's out the house 12 hours a day 7-7 that's half the issue.

I’ve been a sleeper ever since I was a child.
I need 9 hours to feel my best but can get by on 7 or 8.
Ive always been the same, I suppose the difference would be if it’s a new thing, then he should see the GP.

I wish I’d actually manage to stay asleep for 9 hours. That’s something I’d manage if extremely sleep deprived or ill…

But 9 hours of “bedtime” as in getting ready for bed (brushing teeth, showering), getting in bed, winding down etc seems extremely reasonable to me. It’s what I need to get about 7:30-ish hours of sleep.

I need 9 hours. I might sleep a longer time but I don't sleep deeply

I seriously need that amount of sleep. I go to bed early and get up early. I stay up late at weekends. I think it's normal to value your sleep.

I'm like this. Everyone's different 🤷‍♀️

That does sound hard when you explain it like that actually, like there is no flexibility there at all. I like 9, but can settle for less for a few nights and catch up another, and am willing to sacrifice a few hours to go out to the cinema etc.

Your DH does sound very routine based. He is doing very long days though, is there the change this?

Yes 9 is ideal for me! Generally doesn’t happen though as I’d have to go to bed at 9. Apparently generally men need less.

Totally normal

I think everyone’s different with this. I’ve always been rubbish at sleeping and it can feel VISCERALLY (😅) annoying when everyone else in the house is unconscious for hours, but it’s better than people being completely dysfunctional because they’re tired. I quite like the alone time now though tbh.

Ditto. I'm sure I'd feel and look better on more sleep but wouldn't ever get anything done or have a life if I had 9 hours sleep a night.

I'm honestly staggered people routinely have this much sleep.

I agree if he's not doing his fair share, he needs to step up.

It isn't reasonable to expect someone to compromise their own physical wellbeing to meet your own social needs.

Absolutely this!

I don't think it's weird in itself, but as adults, we all sometimes have to.function on less sleep for whatever reason, especially if we have kids. What would be concerning me is the grumpiness and control and the fact that you seem to have to walk on eggshells to make it happen or accept very poor behaviour if it doesn't. So unexpected kids issue? I assume you deal with it? Leftoverchores? All you?

Before kids I always aimed for nine hours to feel optimal. I didn't have a long commute so that would be 11pm-8am. Plenty of time for my evening activities.

My husband claims he only needs 6hrs but he's lying to himself 😂 if I insist he doesn't read in bed he's asleep immediately and will sleep for 8!

Post kids I generally get more like 7hrs but I have brain fog a lot, often fall asleep in the middle of reading my child's bedtime story or whilst putting them to bed and find it very difficult to get up in the morning. I should go to bed earlier but just have so much to do.

This is normal for me, but it also varies according to activity in life. If I started a new job for example and was taking in lots of new information then I might need even more, but during a very relaxed phase (on holiday for example) then I might need less.

My DH would never complain about my bedtime, why on earth would he resent the sleep I need to be healthy and happy?!

Yes, I have lived with far fewer hours, of course, as a mother with a few DC. I didn’t feel good on it though.

Is your DH neurodivergent by any chance? I have ADHD and a lot of neurodivergent people I’ve met need more sleep than is average (as adults, not necessarily as children).

As an aside, people often tell me I look much younger than I am, and question me about it. The only thing I can think of is that I prioritise sleep 😄

I am exactly the same! What auto immune disease do you have if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m 35 and I need 9 hours. DD is up at about 6 so it’s bed at 9 for me most nights. I am pregnant currently though and think that might be making me more tired than usual, but I’ve always had high sleep needs. The newborn stage almost broke me