To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

Yes - avoid men like this.

My stepdad was like thjs and it dominated our lives. If someone woke him up going to the toilet in the night his mood was so bad the next day it was like there was a black cloud hanging over the house. My Mum nearly left him over it at one point.

He became addicted to sleeping pills and tried to make me take Night Nurse whenever I was ill which I really didn't like. I can't believe I'm even saying this but as a teen I ended up having a "toilet bucket" in my room because it was preferable to his moods. I actually blocked thjs out of my memory for most of my life because j was so humiliated by it.

I know it's not nice being woken up but he shouldn't have moved in with someone with kids when he knew he had this issue.

I think 9pm bedtime is bizarre my 14 year old doesn’t go to bed till 10.30pm
my husband loves his sleep but hes in bed for 11 sleeps till 6am as wants to spend time with us.
anything longer than 4 hours to me is golden as that’s my average

We live in a dysfunctional world that is all about money, which means production and profit take priority which means a legacy of rubbish advice in relation to leisure and sleep.

YABU because there is no "normal" when it comes to something as personal as sleep patterns, whatever you might have read in newspapers and magazines owned by the kind of people that benefit most from the amount of time others spend with their noses to the grindstone.

Learn to better accommodate the needs of others or become increasingly intolerant and irrational.

We are all different and 9 hours is quite common. If he feels refreshed afterwards then there is no problem. I worked in a sleep clinic and we saw “normal” from 6 hours to 10 x

I need less. DH needs more. I just stay up later.

I need nine hours.

9 hrs is my happy spot as well. However, I always thought women need more sleep than men, generally.

And what about if you love them deeply, want children with them, and they are good people?! How can you judge someone on the amount of sleep they need. They are not machines, they are human beings, We are told to be tolerant in the modern world, so tolerance begins at home with your partner.

It's a luxury when you have kids and he can only do it because he leaves you to pick up the slack.
My DH does this. I hate it. Gives us hardly any time together in the evening, especially now my older DD guess to bed around 8.30/9pm.
I think he's doing it to avoid me 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, what’s all this bollocks about turning the tv off when he’s ready for bed? Are you not permitted to carry on watching, stay up without him?

My question too.

We all would love to sleep that much but we can't. He is being ridiculous.

Mental note to any young women reading this: don't marry and have children with partners who 'have' to have a long night's sleep every night because otherwise they can't function

Exactly @Pluvia and indeed applies to men as well who get with women that insist they can’t function on less (which doesn’t happen as much tbh) if you’re not someone who wants to carry the load disproportionally think twice because adult or family life will often mean 9 hours sleep isn’t possible.

Yes this is exactly it. Of course people need different amounts of sleep and people also prefer different amounts of sleep. Without knowing whether nine hours is a genuine need or just a preference it's hard to know whether he's being reasonable or rigid.

Everyone is different, for some 9 hours is the norm, others may only need 4 or 5, it’s certainly not unreasonable

You don't tell us what he does for a living. Is it a heavy manual job or a challenging office job? Does he have other responsibilities in the family? Nine hours is what he needs to recover and maintain his mental health.

Mental note to any young women reading this: don't marry and have children with partners who 'have' to have a long night's sleep every night because otherwise they can't function. You'll be doing all the night wake-up calls and you'll never have the pleasure of a midnight walk on the beach, looking at the stars, or clubbing till dawn because hubby will be looking at his watch and getting anxious as 9pm approaches.

I can understand feeling the need to get 9 hours three or four times a week, say, but fit and healthy human beings should surely be able to function well enough on fewer hours when required?

I need at least that but don't get it and I feel really tired and rubbish.

If he was a single parent with a baby/toddler he wouldn’t be able to insist on that much sleep. And he’d adjust.

I think there’s a difference between people who like to sleep and people who obsess over it. My DH is one of the former and a few nights a week he takes himself off to bed at 9.30 or 10 while I usually stay up til 11.30. And he doesn’t mind a nana nap on a weekend afternoon. But other nights he stays up with me and it doesn’t impact his social life at all. When the kids were little he shared the wakeups. I have friends who leave functions at 8.30 or decline going out at all because they are so focused on their sleep. They expect other people to go out for dinner at 6pm or meet up during the day instead of the evening. Their entire life revolves around it. It’s self centred and pretty boring tbh.

8-9 hours sleep is my perfect amount and when I feel at my best. Unfortunately usually only get 6-7 but I do feel the difference

Totally agree.

Omg people can be such little wankers about needing a lot of sleep, it’s not really something you can control! Whenever there’s a thread about it people try and say there’s something wrong with individuals who need more than 8 hours.

I need 9 hours minimum and that is still true having had a baby who is now a toddler. Sometimes I’ll stay up a bit later so that I can have some quality adult time but it makes me really tired and grouchy for the next few days. I think I need more sleep in winter. If it’s dark then we should be asleep imo 😂

Personally I feel best with a similiar amount of sleep. I can do well on less uin summer but in winter my body likes around 9-10 hours.

However, I don't normally get that amount during the week and I still get on with my life. Does he still help you if he's tired? He sounds a bit wet.

I think it’s normal as per NHS sleep guidelines albeit on the upper range of what’s considered normal and i’m someone who does well on 7.5 hours but I understand we are all different.

If he was like that when you met him I guess it’s just one of those things you signed up to accept .

I would probably not be keen to get with someone who was really rigid about needing 9 hours sleep to function. It may well be a genuine need which is not their fault, but I’d find it exhausting being the one to have to do everything if they fell short of the golden 9 hours.

It maybe normal but the point is it's buggering up their relationship.

My question is if he's been like this from the word 'go' when they met.

Surely there is room for compromise?

He should be able to cope on a bit less without feeling knackered.

If this is something 'new' I'd be questioning if a) he's checking out of the relationship in a PA way or b) he's got undiagnosed health issues like diabetes or BP issue if he's always tired.

I’m a bit like that. They are investigating but if Ive not had enough sleep or get too tired then I’m bone crushingly exhausted. I get this strange pressure feeling at the bottom of my ribs only on the front, pain in upper right abdomen. I go corpse coloured not just white but blue round the edges. I recover well overnight and next day I’m fine until I run out of energy.