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Original poster

To ask how to come to terms with this financial situation

209 replies

Justcaant · 20/11/2024 07:39

I’m 40 soon and last year separated from a long term partner. I now have our DD all week and he has her EOW. CMS is sorted but the real issue is that I now own a home alone (we rented previously as were saving for a house).

I have a 240k mortgage to pay off. I may never actually pay it off. I feel completely financially stuck. I am constantly worried about my job and bills. I have 1.5k in savings and try and add 100 a month but it’s hard. I never thought at 40 I would be in this situation. My parents are reasonably well off and I was brought up in a way that is now totally different to my daughter and I feel terrible about that too. I keep thinking I will be old and alone and unable to pay bills so end up on the streets. I am waking every day at 3am for some reason and just going over and over this and there is no way out. I wish I had made better financial decisions when younger and now it’s too late to fix it. How do I cope with this and accept where I am? I don’t want this to rub off on our child.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 20/11/2024 07:52

Justcaant · 20/11/2024 07:49

It doesn’t feel stable at all though. Most people I know don’t work at 70 and I will be working way beyond that if I pay this off and who knows if I will even be able to do that by then. What happens then? The home would be taken off me, I would have nowhere to live. I certainty won’t have money to help dd when she starts out. All I see ahead is constant struggle.

OP, many people are far worse off than you are. Lots of us will be renting for life. You're being way OTT.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 20/11/2024 07:50

Could you downsize to something smaller/cheaper?
You're in the fortunate position of having an asset, something many hard working folk don't.
It's also not uncommon for us to have a much lower quality of life than our parents (in the 55 to 85 group).

Catza · 20/11/2024 07:50

Apart from the obvious selling up and buying a smaller home, I think the rest is a matter of perspective.
I am in my early 40s and I am currently looking on taking on a 240k mortgage. I am not a high earner but earn enough for the bank to be willing to lend it to me. The difference between you and I is that I didn't grow up in a wealthy home. We had no luxuries, we didn't go on holidays abroad, I had no after-school clubs but my home was loving, supportive and I have a very close extended family. My childhood years after my parents' separation were absolutely the best. Not because of money but because of love the house was filled with.
Fast forward to now when I am in a position to make a big financial commitment, I consider myself very lucky to have come this far in life. My mother still rents at 64.

Lilly11a · 20/11/2024 07:49

This is slightly left field but try taking some magnesium.

I m a little older then you and had the 3am waking stressing about work .

Now if I do wake in the night I tend to go toilet then back off to sleep

Original poster
Justcaant · 20/11/2024 07:49

@Motomum23 they would probably help in an emergency. I just feel sick at the thought that all this is so precarious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justcaant · 20/11/2024 07:49

It doesn’t feel stable at all though. Most people I know don’t work at 70 and I will be working way beyond that if I pay this off and who knows if I will even be able to do that by then. What happens then? The home would be taken off me, I would have nowhere to live. I certainty won’t have money to help dd when she starts out. All I see ahead is constant struggle.

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 20/11/2024 07:47

You need some therapy lovely. Waking up at 3am focusing on a problem is a form of anxiety. It's natural. You've been through an upheaval and have committed to a mortgage you feel is a weight aroind your neck. If you can't mentally realise that you have protected your child by giving her a stable roof over her/his head then see if you can get some counselling to help ease the anxiety.
Do you have a relationship with your parents where you know they would help in an emergency?

Beezknees · 20/11/2024 07:47

You own a home. I'm a single parent and I will never be able to afford to own a home, I'll be renting for life. You're fine.

I don't stress about it, I can't do much. I expect I'll just have to keep working until I drop but I'll deal with that when it comes! I'm more focused on putting money in my pension now.

Gemstonebeach · 20/11/2024 07:45

You own a home. That’s so amazing! You should feel proud that you have achieved that as a single parent 😊