To ask how to come to terms with this financial situation

@Justcaant try thinking about it this way. You are paying for an asset. It's going to go up in value. In 20 years time it will be worth a lot more. At that point, you can downsize and release equity.

The alternative is you pay a similar amount in rent for the next 20 years. You don't have an asset at the end of it. Rent prices will keep increasing and you will need to pay even more when you are retired and have limited income.

Older than you, mortgages seem overwhelming when you first take them on but you will get there. if you weren’t paying a mortgage you would be paying rent except you are paying into an asset. You are providing a stable home for your DD. At 40 you are still young, you don’t know what positive’s might be round the corner, work wise or your personal life. Try not to overthink on the ‘Negative what could happens’, I’m a fine one to talk, always been an over thinker but there was absolutely no need for me to be like this. You are doing just fine, focus on your DD and try push those negative thoughts away.

Echoing many others - you own your own home! I was older when I got a mortgage (late 30s) and I'm set to be paying it off until I'm 68 at the moment. Retirement age is rising and many people will be working to 70 and beyond when we hit that age. I'm public sector so never going to be earning huge money (unlikely to leave as I like my job). I'm also trapped in an area where house prices are high and we are settled because of the children being happy at school.

No stress over my current situation will ever be greater than the relief I feel at no longer having the insecurity that private renting brought with it!

It’s not your decisions. It’s the ridiculous price of homes now.

I’m late 50s and renting with three DC. I may never own my own home, though hopefully will end up with a little place. I sometimes worry where I’ll live when I’m older or if the DCs will be OK.

But, what I conclude is their quality of life has been no different to if I owned. They were brought up in the same comfortable sized home as our wealthy home-owning neighbours next door. Ours was more ramshackle, sure, but also full of fun stuff, laughter and love. We’ve since moved somewhere smaller. But, again, we’re happy and all get on so well. I could’ve moved to a totally different place and bought, but I would’ve hated it and had to pay tons to commute. The neighbourhood is more important: it’s our home.

You have your own place. It sounds like you’re happy there and will never want to move. As you pay your mortgage off, it’ll get more manageable. You can’t take wealth with you when you cop it. The most important thing to leave your kids is happy memories, inspiration and values. Quite a few of my friends have died young. Some were in a good financial position having worked hard all their lives. But their DP and DC would exchange all that to have them still here.

Congratulations on your house purchase and doing it all on your own!

Honestly, if you can afford to put away £100 a month and you’re worried about never paying your mortgage off, I’d halve it and put £50 into saving and overpay your mortgage by £50 a month. Put it into a calculator and you’ll probably be quite pleasantly surprised what a difference it could make!

OP assuming you have a repayment mortgage with a term of 25 years or less, which is standard now, you will have paid it off by the time you are 65 - well before your retirement age of 67. You have nothing to worry about. Things get easier as you get older and your income is likely to increase with experience.
The value of your home is also likely to rise considerably in the long term.
keep saving small amounts where you can and paying into your pension and you will be fine.

If parents are married cumulative IHT threshold is a million.

Sounds like a Yabu. I agree with some. You're in a fantastic position to own your own home. If you're struggling to keep your head above water have you considered renting out a room ? The situation may not be as dire as you imagine.

This will pass. It may not feel like it, but it will. You have a home, a decent job, a child, you can just about save a little bit. You're doing well.

The mortgage gets easier over time even if you only get basic inflation adjustment pay rises. You'll adjust and find ways to cope. Your daughter has a stable and loving home, which is the main thing.

When you're old, you'll have a pension, you can downsize then if you want. You'll be fine

You're good. Now, look after you, get some sleep and try not to stress

What are you doing when your ex has your DD EOW? Are you doing anything nice for yourself…taking a walk, having a coffee/tea, meeting with friends, listening to music on the radio, meditating? How much are you exercising? When I feel anxious, a long walk helps a lot. Be kind to yourself.

You are worrying about things way distant in the future, and are coming to terms with the loss of a primary relationship. As other posters have said, that’s anxiety. Are you perimenopausal…that can cause anxiety too…it did for me. I might recommend a visit to the GP.

Have you thought about getting a lodger for 12 months to get you ahead with savings? You can earn £144 a week (£7500 per annum) tax free.
Alternatively you could do this in the future when your daughter has left home.

I have always viewed my mortgages as cheaper than paying rent and providing more security. Also as forced saving because I was terrible at saving (final salary public service pensions saved DH and I).

You can downsize and move when you are older.

Sort your sleep out asap. This will be magnifying all your worries.

You would usually downsize after your DC leave the house. You'd make a profit on the sale of your current house, ideally enough to cover your smaller, next home so mortgage would be paid off straight away. The money you're putting on your house monthly builds your equity, so it is a form of saving, and you could remortgage if you really need to.
You'll also have a pension and other savings you'd made during those years, so you may not need to work past 70. Also, your parents are well off, any inheritance you could rely on?

Just to say, if IHT thresholds remain the same, the allowance could be up to 1million, if OPs parents are married and their allowances pass to each other on death and they leave their estate to direct desendents, ie their children. It will likely be way more than 325k but obviously much can happen in the meantime, care home fees could end up taking a chunk.

OP I think you need some help with your overwhelming anxiety xx

My husbands parents never paid off their mortgage. They did equity release. Got a lump sum out of the house for retirement and the home is theirs until they die

Ask your parents for money if they are well off, no point waiting until they die and you get your inheritance. If you have siblings they can write something into the will to reduce your share accordingly.

Please don’t do this.
You’d pay tax on all the rental income regardless of how much your mortgage is.

I don’t know where you are getting your info from but your parents estate will only be taxed for any amount over £650k, so why do you think the whole £900k will all be swallowed up by tax?

I think you need to start focussing more on the present. Sure, you may never pay off your mortgage on your own, but one day you may have built up enough equity to sell your house and downsize to a garden flat with a smaller or even no mortgage.

Millions of people will never be able to own a house or have a child - I know it’s easier said than done but try to focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.

My violin is playing for you, a homeowner.

Find out if you can make fortnightly payments instead of monthly. It really makes a difference. https://www.canstar.com.au/home-loans/weekly-fortnightly-monthly-repayments-better/

But every year your mortgage will get smaller compared to your income (assuming you are not on a 1.5% deal coming to an end).

You now look at people who bought 20 years ago and see how tiny their mortgages are. But likely when they took them out they felt like you.

With inflation in 10 years time your mortgage will be a smaller proportion of outgoings.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to go too far into the future. Lots of different things could happen between now and then.

Do you have a secure home? Is your daughter happy?

You could post a statement of affairs on money saving expert. People there are good at helping to shave costs.

Yes it's hard now but you have just been through a massive change. Give it time to settle.

Focus on the positives, you are providing a home for your daughter. You do have a roof over your head. Things are tight but that is normal and the financial pressure will lessen when your daughter becomes an adult.

To move forwards focus on the things that are fun, try new things, none of which have to cost you money. Make life into an adventure. If this doesn't feel like you, pretend you are someone else who does have that view and live their life for a bit.

Also focus on today, today you have a daughter, you have a roof over your heads, you have food, your outgoings don't exceed what you have coming in.

You don't have to pay forever till it's paid off, once Dd is grown and moved out, you can sell and buy something smaller. I would really like a flat one day if I'm ever alone.

In 20 years time your DD probably won't be living with you and you won't need a 3-bedroom house. It will have gone up in value. You can sell it and get something smaller, maybe a one-bedroom property. You'll be Inna very good position.There's no need to panic. If you are currently able to save each month, even only £60, then you are doing fine.
It might even be worth looking at 2-bedroom properties in the same area that you are in now if it might make your monthly outgoings less.

You own a 3 bed house, you have a job, a small amount of savings, a happy daughter, you're doing fine!

Stop projecting all these 'what ifs' and enjoy what you have instead of focusing on what you don't.