To ask how to come to terms with this financial situation

Have you checked if you are entitled to any support? Turn2us is a great website.

Reframe the mortgage stress - you have to live somewhere. If you were renting you'd be paying someone else's mortgage. This way your building up your own equity. The interest part is effectively rent, the capital bit is effectively savings.

What are you other outgoings? Can you cut back a bit?
Annually make sure you are using a price comparison website for all your insurances - never just accept the renewal cost without checking.
Subscriptions? Do you really need all of them?
Mobile? Go SIM only for under £10 a month.
Turn the heating down a little.
(Disclaimer - you might have all these covered already)

I can feel your upset through your post. I would say, keep your home. Your mortgage is relatively new and will feel more affordable in a few years. Don’t neglect a pension if you’re not already in one. Even if it’s not huge amounts at first. You’re doing great. Your daughter will grow up and leave home and when that happens when you’re older you’ll find your outgoings are less. I never had any hand outs from parents. Not everyone does. Nice if you can but if you can’t, that’s ok. I think some talking therapy would be good for you. Find out if your parents would be a buffer if you had an unexpected large bill sort of thing and they might give you comfort. Parents can often do that if they’re older and more comfortable since they haven’t had any dependents for a while. I think you’re doing great. Remember if you’re renting you have no stability and never finish paying rent. This has an end.

I wasn't sure if it would be an option, just thought I'd mention it.

How long is left on your mortgage ? You know at that point it will be paid off. Plus you potentially have inheritance coming even if it's say 200k after costs you can pay your mortgage off with that and increase your savings.

Yeah things would have to be really dire before I got a lodger! You could do airbnb for the weekends when she’s with her dad but I wouldn’t move an unfamiliar adult in. Although the safeguarding risk wouldn’t be too bad with a woman but that woman might have a boyfriend so you never know. I wouldn’t like it anyway.

I'd never do that while my kid lives with me, tbh. Such safeguarding risks!

Get a lodger. You have a spare room, generate income from it.

You say you don't know people working at 80 but that is the reality for most of us 50 and under. State retirement isn't until 67 to start with! Try to focus on now and not to worry about 30 years time. One thought is to try to overpay your mortgage, if mortgage rates decrease you can choose a shorter term but same cost per month or simply send extra money when you can, eg could you work extra when your dc is at their dads? Overpaying just £100 a month took years off my mortgage length

I do get why you're feeling the way you're feeling. When I first became a single parent my ex saddled me with a load of debt and my finances were disastrous. But you've got a lot of time between now and when you retire. Things won't stay the same as they are today. Your DD will grow up and become less dependent on you. That, in turn, will free up more time for you to look into changing career, downsizing, moving to a different area etc.

I have been in your position and it’s tough. It will improve though.

When DD is older, you can downsize to a flat. If necessary a one bed with a sofabed in the lounge. Even if you can’t buy it outright, you will be able to afford it and reduce the term on your mortgage so you can stop paying at 60 or whatever feels comfortable at the time.

You have been through a massive change and upheaval. Be kind to yourself. I take duloxetine for anxiety and it has stopped me catastrophising. Maybe speak to GP? 💐

That's to be expected - you've recently ended a long-term relationship and bought a house. Huge life changes. It will get easier, you just need to give it time.

Look at it long term:

• you have a house, so you don't depend on a landlord, which is great and gives you safety
• when your child goes to university, becomes independent and you get closer to retirement age you can always downsize and buy a flat or small house without a mortgage
• just concentrate on making sure you can pay the mortgage and bills every month and you will be fine. Saving a £100 a month is a perfectly good amount on a single wage. Many people can't even afford that!

IHT is 40% of anything above 325 k when the second spouse dies. So no unless your parents leave it all to the cats home you’re looking at quite a large inheritance.
This is a bit “if you called your dad he could stop it all” I find. I appreciate that you’re not thinking rationally but you own a house, your parents are likely millionaires, you have a job. You have a 240k mortgage now, by the time you retire it will be something like 20k because most mortgage terms don’t go on past your expected retirement. You were obviously brought up to think you’d be better off by now but you’re still in a pretty good position as a property owner.

I think it’s time to have an honest conversation with your mum. If my kids ever had the worries that you have I would want them to tell me and see if I could help. This level of stress could impact your health and put you in an even worse position financially. What you need is someone to take some stress off you and that might be something as simple as your mum making you some hot food across the week ;I’ve no idea if she’s local) or paying for a monthly direct debit or something.

you are also in a decent position to meet someone and share you life again. If your ex has your child every other weekend then you have a little down time and again maybe your parents could step in for some childcare. You are young at 40, lots of time to find love again if you wanted to.

I would find out if I could use any surplus income to overpay on the mortgage as it has a huge impact.

Also I would get in a lodger on a Monday to Friday and use that money to overpay mortgage

Realise that inflation will erode the debt eg your pay goes up yearly but the amount you owe does not.

if you are an only child you are in an incredibly luckily position re possible inheritance although some might go in care fees.

Give yourself a clap for having a daughter and own home.

Actually the position is quite dire for older renters. A lot of them are forced into HMOs, ie house shares or as lodgers. The housing list is very long and if you’re not disabled you won’t be a priority. The council don’t just hand out nice shiny flats to older people. We don’t hear a lot about it because I think there’s a lot of shame people have around it. But basically any benefits these days don’t cover private rents because they are so high.

As a home owner the OP isn’t in that position though.

Kindly I think you are catastrophising. I recognise it because I do it myself.
Perhaps go to the GP possibly take some meds for anxiety and have some counselling.
You've been through a lot so it's not surprising you are anxious, but there are many people in worse situations.
It is tough but honestly you are doing wonderfully, you have a home and can, at a push, save £100 a month.
You have family who can help in an emergency.
You are worrying about things that may not come to pass.
We had an interest free mortgage for years, I'd lay awake worrying that we wouldnt pay it off and be made homeless, but 15 years later circumstances change and we now have managed to pay it off.
Ive spent hours and hours worrying about things that didn't come to pass.
My favourite quote is mark twain:
I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened!

Well no because the retirement age is now 67 and it used to be 65 so of course you dont know loads of people working at 70 (although I know several). By the time you retire the age will probably be over 70 (it’s 68 for you now so only 2 years off). By then your mortgage will be small and you can sell and downsize. Imagine if you were living in a small rental and had no chance of ever buying and knew you’d be renting in retirement? Loads of people are in that position.

I totally understand why you are panicking. It is so hard to see the wood for the trees when you're fixating on something worrying. Do try the suggestions of magnesium etc. but also can I suggest you try to adjust your mindset. Do a gratitude list every night just before you get into bed. Just jot down 3 things you're grateful for, doesn't have to be anything major. Doing this consistently really does help to adjust your subconscious and you will feel more positive about things. It works! Give it a go.

Oh sod off. There are pro and cons to both owning and renting. The OP is allowed to feel overwhelmed.

I completely understand how you feel. Worrying about finances can be crippling. I felt like you when I was in my 40s, thinking I’d always be in debt. I would be constantly making lists of debts, bills, income etc. However, 25 years later, I’m retired, have a reasonable pension, work PT, have paid off my mortgage (at 59) and have a good amount of savings. I never earned a great deal as a teacher (44K was my max salary) and thought I’d always struggle. I did downsize when I retired and the house I’d bought for £40K was now worth 5x that, so I was able to use lots of the equity to renovate an older cheaper property which will be my forever home.
Just remember, whatever you’re paying in your mortgage won’t massively increase as you get older - the debt will start to fall, the house will increase in value, you’ll have more equity in your home, will get pay increases, your pension will increase as will your savings.
‘It might help if you sit down with someone you trust to look at your financial situation to analyse it and put your mind at rest.

Definitely echo everyone else re working on your anxiety

But also I would suggest you sit down with your parents and sibling and have a proper "what might happen in the future" conversation

It can start with your personal situation but it is healthy to talk about what might happen if:

Your parents put some money up to help reduce your mortgage (would your sibling be happy with this if they had it balanced in a will?)
One or both of your parents need care at some point - would you move in together?

Share your worries about the future at the very least - they are your family and at least need to know what is worrying you

Can you sell and downsize if it's causing you this much anxiety? Or, you said your parents are quite well off, would they help you out to clear some of the mortgage - or will you eventually have some inheritance to pay it off?

You are doing really well you just can't see the trees for the woods, maybe see a counsellor, or talk it through with someone, you are probably in a better situation than you are.

And ask him to help out more that EOW

If your parents leave less than a million there's no inheritance tax. If it's more you pay the tax then still have the balance. Just work at one day at a time. Your salary will go up, things will become easier it's the way of the world. You're in a good financial position. Cherish what you have.

Obviously not. I'm assuming you're in the UK, there's all kinds of supports for older people. You'd get housing.
But you'll probably pay your mortgage just fine and own a house k, a huge asset. You'll be much h better off than renters who probably see your post as rather self indulgent and privileged