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Original poster

To think this dad is being very rude and inconsiderate?

158 replies

bananabread2000 · 20/11/2024 01:57

Instead of birthday party my DS (8) asked if we can go to a theme park, just him and his best friend (let's call him Mark) with me, DH and our younger DS (2).

I messaged Mark's dad and asked if he was allowed to come with us, and he replied saying he'd love it and we would sort out the details nearer the time. My son was absolutely delighted as has been going on about it for weeks but last week told me that Mark's dad and younger brother are also going to come. I replied that I hadn't heard anything about that and maybe he'd misunderstood etc.

Then yesterday at school pick up, Mark's dad approaches my DH and says he'd like to come to the theme park and bring the younger brother, he would pay for them both, maybe we could all go in one car and is that ok? My DH felt completely put on the spot because this was in front of the three kids and the younger brother had clearly already been told he could go but he muttered something about speaking to me and needing to check plans 🙄

Am I being unfair to be annoyed with Mark's dad about this? I know from previous play dates that it's a difficult dynamic when it's the 3 of them because the younger one feels left out and this was supposed to be my DS's birthday treat so shouldn't it just be who he wants to invite, not all the hangers on?

I can't shake the feeling that the dad just didn't want to have the slightly harder conversation about why the younger son couldn't come. My DS is now disappointed at having to "share" his birthday and his time with his best friend. Am I being unfair? Any thoughts on how to untangle this without it turning into a big drama?

OP posts:
Original poster
bananabread2000 · 20/11/2024 04:30

Thanks all, I don't know why he thinks we can fit 7 of us in one car, especially not for the 1 hour drive it would take!
I think I'll have to be firm and say no and see how it goes. It does feel mean for the younger brother but I also need to do right by my DS. I think I'm mainly annoyed that the dad put us in the position in front of the kids without discussing if first.

OP posts:
Guest100 · 20/11/2024 04:24

I would just be honest and say no the invitation was only for Mark. I understand it can be difficult with other kids but this is for Ds birthday. If the dad pushes the issue and you feel backed into a corner agree, then wait a few days and cancel it and invite another kid.

Guavafish1 · 20/11/2024 04:18

I would say it’s ok… it’s actually nice for the child to have family go too.

I always use to be the tag along kid… I’d would have loved it if my parents came to a few events too.

I’m not sure about your car situation… how can you all fit?

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 20/11/2024 04:13

I think I'd probably approach him while he has the younger child in tow, and say something along the lines of 'DH said you'd mentioned that you and 'X' (younger child) want to come to the theme park with us. Then look down at the younger child and say 'I'm sorry 'X' but I'm afraid we can't do it this time, as it's a special treat for DS's birthday, for 'Mark' to come with us, but I'm sure Daddy can find something fun for you to do together, and then maybe he can take you and your big brother to the theme park another time?' Then turn back to Dad and say 'anyway, we'll pick Mark up at 9.am at yours, if that suits?' Let him be the one put on the spot this time, CF!

AutumnLeaves24 · 20/11/2024 04:12

do You have someone who would have DS2 for the day?
if so, I'd say 'Sorry DS just wants it to be the two 'Big Boys' so we have have found someone to have DS2 for the day.

could DS's mate sleep over the night before to avoid any drama on the day?

CF can take his youngest elsewhere for the day.

shellyannsaid · 20/11/2024 04:09

you just need to be honest and direct.
you're not being unreasonable but you'll feel like you are.

MumChp · 20/11/2024 04:05

Your younger kid takes part so already sharing the day?
7 people in a car?

I would just have said no If I didn't wanted them to join. But I understand why the other family think it's okay to join then your are going as a family of 4.

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 20/11/2024 03:46

How would you all for in one car?.do you have a people carrier?
Can you just say you don't have space to take everyone in one car?
If not, just say "oh, DS just wanted to bring his bestie. We weren't planning a mass expedition" and laugh.
If he pushed it, call his bluff - "oh well if you think 'little brother' will be too upset, let's just not bother" and see what the dad says.
If he has an ounce of common sense of decency he'll back down.
Decide what you'll do if he is a true C.F. and doesn't though - go without bestie, what to tell your DS, suck it up and let C.F. have his own way etc.

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