To think this dad is being very rude and inconsiderate?

To PP saying its only fair his younger brother comes as OP's younger son is going, he's 2. He won't be going on the main rides etc, he's going to presumably be in a pram all day with one parent, maybe the teacups, whilst the other parent keeps an eye on the older 2. He's not going to impact the bigger boys, where as the friends son sounds older and would want to go on rides and hang out with the older 2. The brother is presumably smaller and might throw a fit if he's not tall enough for some rides the older boys are, and will potentially spoil the day for everyone.

The boy is only 8. My son is the same age, I couldn't let him just go off to a busy fairground an hour away with a family I didn't know. I honestly don't think he's being rude at all. He's probably just thought, that would be fun day out and I'll be on hand if Mark needs me. I bet he's totally oblivious to the upset he's caused - poor bloke.

I agree with this too, a parent of ds friend wanted to do a theme park 1.5 hours away and invite his entire group of 5. They have enough space in their car. All 4 declined with some other reason (flaky). We just said we can't make it without giving a reason because the rest sounded so flaky. I'm 100% certain that no one wanted their kids 1.5hours away.

Maybe the dad wants to come because of that but then he needs to drive there himself and not join in with the younger sibling or just decline.

This really wouldn't bother me, especially as they're paying for themselves, but I'd expect them to all go in their own car and meet us there.

@bananabread2000 , I don't think he's being rude or particularly inconsiderate but he's hijacking your DS's birthday, changing it to 'your DS tagging along with them'. The car sharing is cheeky, unless you have a people carrier.
Not RTFT.

Sorry, this is a birthday treat for <my son> so the focus is on him and we don’t have room in the car for 7.
At some point children do have to learn that they don’t get to go to everything. Birthday parties are an invite for friends, not friends, siblings and family members.

I also feel nervous about driving friends children, or friends driving my children.

@bananabread2000

I think definitely point out that you can’t all fit in one car - say you’ll need to take two cars.

Then say you’d really like to take your DS and friend on rides of their choice together. Would it be ok if they went round together separately on occasions, and then meet up on occasions. The brother and dad can separately go on rides if they’re choice together.

I had this recently with two families to a theme park, and was concerned it wouldn’t work. It was fine - I did have to suck it up a bit, but ultimately the birthday person had a fabulous time.

I think you can say that you ultimately want this to be a day for your DS. Perhaps contact the mum with your thoughts, she might ‘get’ the social dynamics a bit more.

As a parent, I would feel nervous about leaving the care of my child to another parent for a birthday at a theme park, so I think I can understand that he might want to be around.

Surely you didn't offer to take friend's Dad and the other son so just say no. We were offering to take DSs friend only, if that doesn't work for you then don't worry about it we will perhaps see kid another time.

Your DS may not get his friend to come but no way would I want another family joining my kids birthday party and sometimes you just need to have boundaries!

Agreed. This isn't a big deal in my eyes at all, just tell him your car isn't big enough, but maybe you'll bump into each other on your way round.

Yeah same here. It’s a long way away (presumably over 30 miles). I’m guessing he doesn’t know you well socially seeing as you don’t seem to like him much. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at such a young age - it’s not like they’re 12.

If you really want to be petty then tell him that you’d prefer it if he didn’t walk round with you at the theme park. Just don’t expect any future friendliness or favours from him but at least your DS’s birthday won’t be ruined right.

Also you might find that the 6 year old is chilled and happy going round with his dad and that it’s your 2 year old who has a tantrum and puts a downer on things.

Dad and younger brother can go off and enjoy the rides the younger brother enjoys. Annoying as it is, the dad is a free agent and if he wants to take the younger brother to the theme park the same day you are taking the older brother then you can’t stop him.

The car situation is easy - explain they won’t fit. I would take the older brother/friend in your car on the way though if you can.

Sounds like Mark’s parents aren’t comfortable with him going on a one hour drive to a theme park with another family (not sure how well they know you?) I know I would feel very anxious about my 8 year old doing this unless I was very, very familiar with the adults taking him. Even then I would be antsy until he was home! If I were his dad and you told me a flat out ‘no’ to a parent coming and that you would only take him alone, I would feel hugely uncomfortable about that and probably find a reason to back out altogether. I wouldn’t react well to anyone being forceful about keeping my child away from his parent. Obviously you have your reasons but that’s just how I would feel and Mark’s parents may well too.

8 is very young to be taken on a day out like this without any of their own family. I think Marks dad is just trying to navigate the situation he has been put in without creating awkwardness. And as for the idea of 8 year olds taking themselves off to the rides…..WTF 😂

The child might have asked his Dad to come because he doesn't want to go alone.

If you tell the Dad he can't come, be prepared for the boy to pull out too.

Personally I'd just go along with it, it's not what you planned but I'm fairly sociable and would be happy to get to know their family a bit more and have an extra child to join in with the excitement. The 4 of them might have a blast.

Did you read my post? I said I'd keep the other child separate. There's nothing wrong with the other child being taken to AT, the problem is the dad trying to crash the party.

The car situation is your out. Message the Dad, say you can’t fit in the car so you won’t be taking them, put it firmly “we won’t be taking you”. If they go independently don’t meet them. Mobile coverage is awful at that theme park isn’t it? 😉 if you bump into them make no exceptions for the younger child, just do what you were planning to do. Can you afford fast track passes for the two boys?

Well, I said “uncomfortable” not fearful. But as you’ve mentioned it, has there ever been a parent raise a child without fear? There’s usually a constant underlying fear of all manner of risks. It’s how parents remain alert to danger or lesser poor outcomes for their children.

I don’t really understand the issue, just say there isn’t room in the car. Obviously you can’t stop him going too if he wants to. And another adult would probably work out well as one of you will be with the 2 year old.

I don’t think he’s being rude or inconsiderate, rather a simple miscommunication, especially if the children still at age where adults often accompany them. Easy fix with a clear but polite conversation.

I can understand if the dad wants to tag along if he thinks his son is a bit too young for a big day out without his family but then if that's the case, he should have just declined the invite at the beginning.
Just out of curiosity, you say you're taking your 2 year old but how will that work? Presume either you or your partner will take the little one on the 'baby' rides and one of you will be with the older boys? So that will be 3 people in the 'big boys' group, so someone will have to sit on their own on the rides? Or is it somewhere like Legoland or Paultons Park which are much more young child friendly? Sorry, just my brain trying to work out the logistics!

I'm on the fence about this: I think inviting yourself to things is pretty rude and I would never do it unless I was in a really tough spot. And the car thing needs to be thought through.

But I couldn't get too excited about having the dad and one extra kid along. I'm a "more the merrier" person and I can't understand why people get so precious about having more people than they planned for and having extra people tag along, particularly if there's no additional cost. I see tons of threads on here about people feeling really upset because one friend invited another friend along to a social event: I can't see why its seen as such an infringement, personally. You deal with it, everyone copes, no big deal.

Providing you can sort the car issue out and there's no additional cost I would just go along with it but I appreciate a lot of people don't see it like this.

Unbelievably rude. Not a chance I would go along with it.

Why though? your other son isn't invited to the party, so it's not as if you, the parent, are excluding one child. surely this is a perfect opportunity for the non invited sibling to have a really awesome 1:1 day with their parent(s), and do something completely different. Maybe because my kids are older, maybe because parenting has really changed over the last decade, but when one of mine was invited to a party, the other one loved having me to themselves. If money was okay I'd take them swimming or a cafe, if money was tight we'd go home and play some games or go for a walk together. They quickly forgot their sibling was off having fun with friends.
I used to relish (still do) having 1:1 time with my children, and kids need that time too, whatever their age, children (even adult children!) sometimes just want their parent to themselves.
This is a brilliant opportunity for dad to have some time with his younger son on his own. It will be really good for their relationship.
As an aside aren't most theme parks height rather than age restricted? I think if dad is worrying about his 8 yr old son going to a theme park (with loco parentis) then he might need to work on his anxiety.

This feels a but rude to me, you don't accept an invite for your DC then expect to add on two extra people. Tell Mark's Dad you don't have room in the car and you'll only have room for Mark. Maybe he'll change his mind if he has to drive and pay for his petrol

Because it would just be not pleasant to have a child kicking off/crying at the front of every ride because he can't ride with his sibling/siblings friend. Yes so what fair enough the dad can parent him but it does change the vibe of the day. Maybe not ruins it but changes it for the bday kid who has said he just wants his best friend there. Clearly you are a parent who just thinks everyone should accommodate your children only and not think about the other child in question eg. The bday child wishes!