For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

I think it’s rude and wouldn’t do it myself.

What if that means you can’t get married for another year, because the larger venue isn’t available until then?

Or you simply decide you can’t invite any of the 5, because you don’t have space for 10?

Or you want to get married in a certain place because it means a lot to you?

It’s an invite. If DH objects to the limitations of the invite, he can decline.

Five friends?

I had uni friends, school friends, childhood friends, work friends to my wedding and DH the same. And wayyy more than 15 family each - uncles, cousins, grandparents. We did have partners and spouses but not “plus ones” of a few months. But we did not, shock horror, have kids except my nieces. Because at least half the cousins had 2-3 kids of their own, and - as above - we had already booked one of the biggest venues we could and there simply wasn’t room.

(at the time, none of our friends had kids though one was pregnant, so that helped!)

Gosh some snidely posters out in force this morning. I can't imagine not going as a couple to a joint friends wedding. Sure it's you husbands mate but they know you both. It's really not normal. People should budget their wedding to cover the numbers they would invite. Not ruthlessly cull numbers.

It’s not just a money thing, though that is a part of it. We viewed about 10 venues near us and only one had capacity for over 100, which is what we needed. Mostly, for the following summer, they only had Friday rather than Saturday availability. Weekday weddings are often considered rude by MN posters as well.

Picking a venue is a balance of budget, availability, convenience for key guests like parents and siblings etc There will always be a compromise on something. If it was a question of the couple inviting only friends or friends with plus ones, then it’s possible the group with DH in wouldn’t have been invited at all as other groups (say cousins) got the plus one quotient and used up all the seats.

We had the exact same. Its made worse by the fact that the majority of my husbands friends partners are going (most of whom aren’t married or together that long but we’ve been married 12 years).

If is rude when not preceded with a call/message explaining why. If I’m honest, they are bloody lucky that it was me that opened the envelope as my husband wouldn’t have noticed it was only in one name!

Its also been repeatedly embarrassed when bumping into my DH friends and partners and the asking things like ‘how are you getting to the wedding’ and ‘are you staying over’ etc- assuming I’m going.

DH decided to still go. I’ve been clear to him though that if anyone asks he’s to be explicit that I wasn’t invited- I’m not having anyone think I’m rude. He’s also booked me into a spa for the day and asked his mum to have the kids.

I have been to many a wedding without my husband of 34 years. To mates and work colleagues weddings. He doesn't know any of them and would hate making small talk for the sake of it. Do something nice on the day for you.

It's rude. Married people are a social unit and to not invited them both when you know them both socially to an event celebrating the holy bond that is marriage is extremely gauche. If you didn't know them socially at all I could see how they might get away with it. In this case they chose to be rude.

What happened to taking your budget, working out who you wanted to invite and picking your venue accordingly?

It’s almost certainly a numbers thing then. It is unusual to only invite one of a couple so maybe they are on a very tight budget.

You’re not unreasonable to be disappointed. Having had a save the date you were expecting to attend. They’ve probably had to whittle their guest list since then. Try not to let it colour your friendship with them though. It’s only one day, a big day but you’ll be seeing them a lot in the future.

The save the date thing baffles me. If they are sent to people who might not get an actual invitation, it’s bound to cause confusion and disappointment. It’s a bit arrogant to ask people to save a date on the off chance they might make the cut and just another cost added to what is already a ridiculously expensive event.

Given divorce statistics, there’s always a chance you’ll be invited to his next wedding 😬

I think it’s rude personally. You either invite a couple to the day or to the evening, not just one of them all day.
if I was dh I wouldn’t go, just politely decline the invite, and then leave it there.

I think it is rude but I, like you, would not say anything and I would not want to spoil my husband's joy..

Nearer to the day you might like to arrange an outing with the other partners of the friends who are also not invited. While the wedding is on you could have a game of golf, walk in a National Park, go out for a meal etc.

It might transpire that some guests can not accept their invitation and you could score a late invitation.

If you are sure your husband is not living a double life, you are right to not take offence.
(I know someone who took a secret girlfriend to a wedding.)

I guess when there’s a group of friends who know each other, it’s cheaper to not do plus one, as they won’t be sat there alone. Maybe it’s not the norm, but they clearly need to keep costs down. Not unreasonable to feel sad but not annoyed.

Pretty much same scenario happened to DH and I. I didn’t know the person and I also knew DH would have lots of fun with his single friends having a drink (I don’t drink and dislike social situations where I don’t know anyone). I also agree with the previous posts that suggest your DH should sort out any cards and presents. I wasn't put out by the lack of invite, I did find it strange for a moment (being a married couple) but then was happier not to go.

Do you see him as a brother?

DSIL invited only DH to her wedding. Not me or the kids. We've been married 17 years with two teenagers and she definitely came to our wedding. Apparently she had to have the specific venue which meant she had to be ruthless with the guest list DMIL explained. DSIL didn't actually say anything. Apparently there was to be a big family party to celebrate this wedding. We gave one specific week that we couldn't make due to work commitments. DFIL invited us via text to the party every other family member was going to, arranged on that week we said we couldn't make six months previous.

I'm going straight to hell as I properly laughed when DSIL's wife left her for another woman after only two months of marriage. The same month of said big party....

No. OP says it’s been confirmed it’s DH only. .

Sure plus onwards is the standard but seriously you are this upset about someone else's wedding?

You weren't invited life goes on

Honestly does it really matter? You can be without him for a day can't you?

Surely you must have a life outside of him?

I don't know why people are acting like it's only normal for a plus one to be included if they are super close to the bride and groom. I mean, that's literally the concept of a plus one in wedding tradition is isn't it? You're extending your 'main' attendee the courtesy of having their special person there with them as they celebrate your special day and bond. I understand not inviting new partners, but for established relationships it should be enough that the plus one has been 'chosen' by the person you want to invite. It's a respect thing I think. You can argue this and that about costs nowadays, and perhaps that's valid, but it's bit gaslighty to say to Op "Aha! So you're not even that close to them, why do you think you deserve to go anyway!"

People are tying themselves in knots on here trying to excuse your dh’s friend for his poor behaviour, but fundamentally whatever the excuse this is really, really poor form.

You have every right to feel offended op, it happened to me once and dh turned down the invitation and distanced himself from that friend, he agreed it was shabby behaviour and it made him look at his ‘friend’ in a different light.