For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

Sounds like all the men of group are invited but not partners

Makes sense

Keeps cost down

If all partners invited and you aren't then that's wrong

are you good friends with the other partners - maybe that day you all get together for a spa /shopping /meal /day out

You prob upset people when didn't Invite them to your wedding

Sounds like not even dh friend like a brother (groom) was invited to yours

I think you should tell your dh you’re a bit hurt at not being invited, people really should share those feelings with their partners. Then plan a fabulous time on your own for the date. personally I’d also judge the friend a bit and think twice before putting myself out for them!

you say your dh might have known and not felt like telling you, that he’d never ask for you to come to something and you’re only invited if it’s obvious you’re invited. That’s a bit shit I’m sorry, is he a bit shit in other ways? Please tell him how you feel.

Jesus, it’s a wedding not a summon. And they invited their friend and not other +1 to keep numbers down. As long as they’re not offended if people can’t make it, there’s no issue here. They’re not the royal family and no one’s been offended. Stop clutching your pearls.

That's disappointing for you but its probably easier for them to not include any partners of that friend's group of the groom rather than just 1.
Also as you had a small wedding yourself without friends, they might think you aren't into bigger wedding. So this made the decision easier for them.
A friend of mine had a similar wedding to yours with no friends invited. Her best friend got married a year later and my friend was very upset not to be asked to be bridesmaid.
Her bf reason was that my friend had said while organising her own wedding, that she didn't like bigger weddings. So didn't include her in the wedding party.

I think not inviting random plus ones is fine, but it’s rude not to invite established partners/spouses @BrunetteHarpy

And of course it’s their choice, but actions have consequences: it’s obvious they’ll upset people

I agree, I was commenting more that times have changed. By marry locally, I'm going back to my parents generation, where many people met and married locally in a cheaper venue

Nowadays, like you say, our generation are far more likely to move around and settle elsewhere and have a posher do with less people.

Often you see posts where older family members inmpartucular haven't caught up to the idea and seem to think second cousins and their own friends will be invited to a Big Do when the couple are planning something more intimate.

In this instance, I do think it's a shame that OP hasn't been invited but it may be that the couple are doing a the smaller modern wedding rather than the big bash and that's fine, it's their choice.

Edited to add - it's genuinely interesting how we both have different views of our parents generation :) we were from a medium size town where noone went tonuni, soni think that limited travel. I'm sure London was a bit more central for travel as well :)

I can see why you are disappointed - but it sounds to me like a cost/numbers thing. you've been together with you DH a long time, but as you say, others haven't been together with their partners well - I guess the line with this group of friends is "no partners" to be fair to them all?

A bit silly to send YOU a save the date though? and Im surprised they've not invited partners to the evening at least - perhaps they still might.

But it sounds to my as if the bride and groom are coming at it from a group POV, ie treating all this friendship group the same. If the deciding factor was ‘only invite spouses’, then the OP would be the only woman/non member of the group attending with the five guys, and theres a potential source of dissent if Nigel is cross they didn’t invite his girlfriend just because they’re not married etc etc.

Yes, you were rude.

Well, your comment was ridiculous.

And now you're doubling down with saying I was making daft statements.

Which is what I felt all along.

You make the point perfectly- you invited friends and partners but not those of a few months. OP and her husband are married so would have been invited under the close friends and partners bracket.
And I totally get the broadly child free thing, it's easier to have one blanket rule

But this is also a blanket rule, just a different one - no plus ones from this friendship group (and possibly from any friendship group, bride or groom)

And there are plenty of MN posters who make similar comments about child free weddings to those on here “marriage is about family, you should invite other people’s families” “if you can’t afford to invite kids you should have a less fancy wedding” etc etc

I would be upset

Yes, you were rude. And now you're doubling down with saying I was making daft statements. You're also being paranoid for suggesting I was making some kind of "gotcha" moment. Got who, exactly?

because people would marry locally and hire out a hotel room for the evening and invite everyone for the reception,

I am not completely sure what you mean
by “marry locally” - only one of my friends lives where she grew up. Most of us move away, meet people who also moved away from their childhood town, etc etc.

My mum and dad met at work in London, but got married in the south west where my maternal grandparents lived (where my mum lived too from 12-18) My dad grew up in north London.

It is just very likely that many guests have to travel to a wedding and stay overnight, even if the couple are getting married local to either their current house or a parental home.

Same happened to me. Sod them xxxxx

Unless it's a tiny wedding at a registry office and then to a pub or restaurant for just a close group of family and friends then I think it's incredibly rude!
As the other wives/girlfriends aren't invited either, do you think the groom thought it would be a lad's night out? It's still bloody rude in my book.
Having said that, I'm surprised neither you or your DH have brought the subject up!

I’d feel sad too. I think it’s weird not to invite spouses. Just asking for upset

But they haven’t invited any of the friendship group’s girlfriends/partners, from what the OP says.

And I absolutely see the logic, if you’re trying to keep numbers low. I’ve certainly been to several weddings where a tight friendship group, or a set of colleagues who are all close, have been invited as a set in themselves without +1s. Often because (as well as cutting numbers) the feeling is that they will have as good or a better time by themselves, can be sat together etc. Part of the logic of giving a guest a +1 is that, if they know no one or almost no one at the wedding, they will have someone with them as company.

Because some people like MN for the potential drama. “No partners have been invited and it’s not personal” is the simplest and most likely explanation, but it’s not as juicy as OP’s husband secretly having asked for her not to be invited.

So if the core group is 5 guys and none of the OHs are going, I don't think it's that surprising that you're not either, even if you've been around longer.

Small groups of friends that go way back tend to socialise either with all partners invited, or "no partners, just the old crew" and not really anything in between. The OHs haven't formed a friendship group of their own so the bride is probably focusing on her own social circle and the groom on his.

I get it, it can be tricky after this length of time to know where you stand in your partner's social circle - at what point do his friends also become yours etc. It really depends. I'm definitely friends with some of DP's friends now, and definitely not with others. But you don't see much of them due to distance, and only in group settings, so it's not surprising that they see you as your husband's wife rather than a friend in your own right.

But your assumptions didn’t make any sense; the numbers were pulled out of nowhere. Call me rude all you like, but it was daft to state your assumptions as if it was some kind of “gotcha” moment.

You make the point perfectly- you invited friends and partners but not those of a few months. OP and her husband are married so would have been invited under the close friends and partners bracket.

And I totally get the broadly child free thing, it's easier to have one blanket rule.

I do think OP should have been invited though and they could have both had a chance to figure out childcare.

I totally respect that couples are free to pick a gorgeous, pricey venue but I think this sort of problem comes woth the territory - weddings used to be big affairs because people would marry locally and hire out a hotel room for the evening and invite everyone for the reception, whereas now there is a shift to a smaller cast list and posher all day event and "expectations", for want of a better word, have not changed yet x

So the obvious and easiest logic for the decision was for the bride and groom to treat all of the groom’s friends the same and not give any of them a +1, rather than get into the potentially controversial minutiae of how long X and Y have been together, or whether the fact that P and Q have been together longer, but R and T are planning to move in together by the time of the wedding, should make a difference.