For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

Agreed.

The MN massive are obsessed with not wearing cream to weddings but apparently you can be as rude to your guests as you like.

You always see this on MN, married couples leading almost completely separate lives and socialising separately, but it's not how most couples work in real life and whether or not you agree, most people would agree that it's rude. I would go so far as to say that most people, invited without their spouse, would not go.

There absolutely is basic etiquette, in fact, there's a lot of basic etiquette for weddings which is frequently forgotten because the bride and groom forget that they're not the most important people in the world because they are getting married. Hence why there are so many posts about how friends and families have fallen out over weddings done badly.

Agree with this.

It’s irrelevant. Not inviting a close friend’s spouse because you don’t like them is even more rude and it is insulting to the close friend as well.

If a good friend of mine called me and explained that due to money they can’t invite my DH i would really expect that they explained and took the time to call me

I would find it bad of them if they invited DH on save the date then send me an invite with “no plus one” on

I think the couple have handled this wrong.

I personally think it’s bad that you were included in the save the date invite and then not invited to the wedding. They messaged DH to say it’s just him and no “plus one” makes me cringe a bit. It’s very not personal. There should have been a better apology to someone that they are close to and apparently like brothers.

Even a message that reads along the lines of “So sorry X, I know we put your DW on the save the date invite but due to financial reasons we’re having to make cuts on numbers so can’t accommodate DW now. We really hope you are still able to come and see us marry”

So my answer is No apology and calling you a plus one = rude

Apology message = fair enough, move on and enjoy your pamper day.

But there is no "basic etiquette".

I couldn't care less if DH's friends don't invite me to their things and he equally doesn't care about not being invited to my friends'. We are not joined at the hip. We are perfectly capable of doing things by ourselves.

MN is not the obvious place to expect general grasp of basic etiquette. It is full of posters who “lose their shit in Asda” and have slanging matches in street,

Yes, it would, which is why you don't say that. You invite the people that you are closest to, recognising that at weddings established couples come as a package deal, so if Ken is closer to you than Dave then Ken and his wife come and Dave and his partner do not. If Dave asks, you can say you just had a very small celebration. Dave might be upset to find that you consider Ken more of a friend than him, but he will not be shocked to find that you invited Ken's wife and didn't expect Ken to come on his own!

If you love and care for your friend then you accept their choice.

Again, as per this thread, it clearly isn’t “basic etiquette” given the range of views.

Many of which are more harshly put than OP’s own… she is a bit sad but has decided to make another plan for the day. Very sensible response!

TTFN, folks.

OP has met them a lot though. She’s been married 8 years, they see each other at parties and meet ups.

It’s very rude not to invite the wife in that circumstance.

It's basic etiquette.
When you invite half of a couple, you are inevitably going to hurt the feelings of the other half.
You are also showing you don't respect their relationship, whilst expecting them to honour yours. If you don't care enough about my marriage to acknowledge my husband, why would I care enough about yours to come to your wedding?

Agree with this. Even more weird that OP's DH nor OP have even discussed it.

So it wouldn’t be rude to say to 25 of your friends, “Sorry you didn’t make the cut, but if we invite you we can’t invite Ken’s wife, who we’ve only met three times, but will be mortally offended if she attends an event without him”?

So if you wanted you would have invited friends to your wedding...but you didn't

And you were planning a party...but then you didn't

I'm sure people would have still enjoyed a late party given the circumstances

It does sound like you are happy with your choices but not that of others

Ok so they have not invited any of the partners then? So that's 5 people that they have made place for. If the other women are new to the group then I can completely see how inviting none of you would be the best thing to do. It would cause issues inviting you, even though they know you well and not invite the newer partners.
Makes complete sense and I wouldn't take it personally then.

Interesting to see that you edited your original post, where you suggested getting a cheaper venue that can hold all your guests. Perhaps even you can see that a venue that’s both cheaper and bigger will be a) difficult to find and b) below expectations.

How far are couples meant to reduce their budgets to fit “everyone” in? The bigger the list, the more people think they should be on it. If you state you’re only inviting aunts and uncles and not cousins, your cousins might be disappointed, but they know where they stand and why. If, however, you then extend the list to include three cousins to whom you’re closer, meaning six more guests if they have partners, does the other side of the family then feel they should have six more guests too? And do you have to include all cousins because you’ve invited some? And do you have to do this on both sides? And once you’ve invited all those cousins, can you tell them it’s a child free wedding to keep costs down, or do you have to invite their kids too because it’s a massive imposition to expect people to arrange childcare?

It only takes a bit of imagination to see how a guest list can grow very quickly - and you still end up offending someone. The more casual friend who would have understood not being invited to a smaller wedding now sees you’re having a “big” wedding and wondering why they didn’t make the cut. Single people who didn’t get a plus one and accepted that that would be expensive start to think “Hang on; second cousin Harold who they haven’t seen in decades got to come AND bring his wife. I see Kate every couple of weeks but can’t bring my new boyfriend?!” It’s a minefield.