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Original poster

How long wait for an 'I love you'

66 replies

DutchPanda · 19/11/2024 21:12

I told my partner of 9 months that I love him. The tumbleweed rolled for a bit, and then he admitted he doesn't love me yet and doesn't know if he ever will. Ouch

I give him kudos for being honest but am very hurt. I said that I'd wait a bit but not forever to see if feelings might develop.

We are both middle-aged and dating post divorce, so I understand caution and taking things slow. We see each other (exclusively) about once week but he's not introduced me to friends / family yet.

Reality check request please - should I move on? Would just value an outside perspective.

OP posts:
Teanbiscuits33 · 19/11/2024 21:33

Some people just aren’t comfortable with admitting that they love someone out loud due to past experiences. It doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t, just that he may not realise it or be willing to admit it. I know because I’ve been there myself 🤣 Does he show care for you in other ways? Does it feel like there’s something special there? I think really only you know, and if you don’t feel like he cares you should probably speak to him about calling it a day so both of you can find what you deserve and see how he responds to that suggestion.

Bitofashithouse · 19/11/2024 21:30

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Devilsmommy · 19/11/2024 21:28

TwattyMcFuckFace · 19/11/2024 21:20

It's great that he's been honest with you.

But if he hasn't fallen in love after 9 months, I really don't think it's going to happen.

100% this. Sorry OP

MummaMummaJumma · 19/11/2024 21:26

That sucks, OP. Sorry to hear that. How’s the relationship in general? When you say he hasn’t introduced you to family or friends yet, has he ever mentioned plans to? He was very honest but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Hope you’re okay my luv x

RosesAndHellebores · 19/11/2024 21:25

I don't know @DutchPanda. I think things must be different in middle age and post divorce. I am sure it's very complicated. Also you haven't said what sort of relationship you have been having. Friends or lovers?

Mebebecat · 19/11/2024 21:25

Nope, you are done here. Sod him. And definitely no more 'I love you's until you have met at least some of the next guys friends and family.

Interlaken · 19/11/2024 21:25

DutchPanda · 19/11/2024 21:23

You're right. It's just shitty...thanks for the responses. 😘

Do His actions show that he loves you or is it ‘he’s just not that into you’

JinoPino · 19/11/2024 21:24

My DH didn't say 'I love you' for 2 years. (!). We didn't get married for another 5.

But...we've been very happily married for over 20 years, and he tells me every day he loves me.

Sometimes a slow burn is okay!

TheBigSalami · 19/11/2024 21:24

Move on! Don’t settle.

Original poster
DutchPanda · 19/11/2024 21:23

You're right. It's just shitty...thanks for the responses. 😘

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 19/11/2024 21:22

Don't want to be hurtful, but after 9 months, he would know his feelings. That you have not met the important people in his life indicates you are regular sex, but not a partner.

neverbeenskiing · 19/11/2024 21:21

I think if he hasn't fallen for you after 9 months then it's unlikely to happen. You're not on the same page. Better to cut your losses now than waste any more time IMO. Sorry, OP it must have been upsetting to say the words and not hear it back.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 19/11/2024 21:20

It's great that he's been honest with you.

But if he hasn't fallen in love after 9 months, I really don't think it's going to happen.

Bobbybobbins · 19/11/2024 21:18

Sorry OP I think it is time to move on. No introduction to his circle and might never love you. As you said, at least he has been honest now. Flowers

AutumnLeaves24 · 19/11/2024 21:17

Hummm well (from another middle aged person .55) I think 9 months in, is long enough to know if you have feelings for someone or not, I wouldn't want to stay with someone after 9 months if they didn't feel they loved me & we had a future together.

Do you live a distance apart? I wouldn't want to be only seeing them once a week either.

not having me any friends/family.

sounds more like a weekly convenient shag thing, for him,

SORRY.

anotherdayanotherissue · 19/11/2024 21:14

Sorry op....but yeh, hes just not that into you.