How long wait for an 'I love you'

I can understand him being unsure on the love thing but not introducing you to his friends after nine months? That in itself would make me pause for a really serious long thought!

I've been with my partner for 2 years. We've not said it. I know he does.

I was married before and the man who told me loved me didn't show it. (Multiple affairs- justifications of you can love more than one person)

The relationship I have now feels very different, he doesn't have to tell me, I know he does. He's said he doesn't fall in love easily and I think he doesn't articulate it but I'm content that I know he does.

If it really means something to you then have that discussion. For me, I realised saying it didn't matter, actions do.

Sorry to hear this but hopefully you’ll meet someone new and you will get a much more affirmative (and quicker) response when you next say the words. Good luck.

That’s rough Op, but sounds like a wise decision. At least he was honest though instead of stringing you along.

For people saying the words don’t matter I think they do matter. Of course it has to be backed by action too and for the person to mean it, but as an adult no way am I going to tolerate being with a man who tells me he can’t say he loves me. Irrespective of how well he treats me it’s not something I could ignore.

That would have hurt OP, I’m so sorry. Especially after you shared your own feelings.

I think you need to accept what he has told you. That he can’t see himself falling in love with you. Don’t make excuses for him or look at what-ifs or hope he may change. He’s told you. And the fact that he hasn’t introduced you to his friends or family yet reinforces that he is not sure.

You deserve better than a lukewarm relationship. You’ll only find a loving partner if you make space for one in your life and you can’t do that if you continue to be with this man. Prioritise yourself and let him go.

I've just split up with someone after 2.5 years. Both in our 50's hadn't said he loved me. Life is too short!

Yeah but if you're already in your fifties....?!

Blimey - that is a bit of an ouch moment. I would say 6 weeks to 3 months to get that in love feeling. Much longer and you’re just mates. Sorry OP.

Yeah, sorry. It sounds like it's quite casual to him... and he doesn't think it's headed anywhere, most likely...

What even is love?

What does it mean to you op? Just having 'big feelings'? Means you'll... Do what exactly for him?

What does it mean to him? Something different to you?

Have a grown up conversation. It doesn't mean the same thing to everyone and some can't articulate it at all.

I'd go by actions and how he makes you feel over words that are so often thrown out with no thought behind them.

I think a few months is fine, 9 months and he's still not sure would definitely give me pause for thought. You only see each other once a week and you haven't met his family and friends - it doesn't sound like he's integrating you into his life in any real way. Have past experiences made him ultra-cautious? I'd be worried that I'm wasting my time with him to be honest 😕

Walk away now. Unless you are happy to just have a casual set up

Hmmm, tricky one. I'm not someone who falls in love quickly. Unless you knew each other before dating, it can take a good few months to decide whether or not you even really like someone imo, let alone love them. What you see in the first few months of a relationship isn't truly authentic, it's someone putting on the 'best version' of themselves.

However, by 9 months he should be reaching the point where he's certain about whether or not he sees a future together. The trouble is, while women tend to leave at this point if they aren't happy with their partner, men will often string a woman along until he finds someone that he really likes. Then he'll be off.

Ah OP, hope you’re okay lovely. 💐 And I hope you find someone worthy of you. Yes, good for him for being honest but really, should’ve been honest six months ago…

Free yourself to find someone else who falls head over heels for you. There’s nothing better than seeing someone where the love is mutual and you can’t wait to see each other again.

Take care and give yourself a treat. Take some time out and spoil yourself

Good for him for his honesty, but I do think it might be good to call time on this.

My partner told me he loved me after three months.

I think even if it had been nine months and he said along tne lines of “I don’t think I’m fully feeling in love yet but things are going so well and I really do see my feelings developing soon, especially if we start seeing a bit more of each other.” I could just about cope with that. But for him to say he doesn’t ever think he can see himself in love with you... as rough as it may be I think it’s time to say goodbye for good. Find someone who wants you and wants love and all those feelings. Also someone who you can see more than once a week.

Good luck!

I was such a commitment-phobe that when DP first said "I love you" to me I literally made a panicked "NNNGH" sound and ran out of the room. And even I said it back to him before nine months!

Sorry OP, that must have been upsetting. Don't spend another 9 months waiting.

I wouldn't let it go past 3-4 months, without some conversation around emotions as by then assuming both parties have spent a lot of time together, you should know how you feel. At 9 months I'd respect the honesty by letting him go and find someone he can fall in love with and let you free to do the same.

I would say what does his behaviour say … some people get hung up on the words … Does he show you he cares ?

Does he want to see you more ? Because once a week seems a habit that fills a night

I'm always more wary of people who say "love you" too quickly so I would be more concerned if someone expressed it in too quickly.

Having said that , I think 9 months is enough time to know how you feel about someone. I first said the words after about 5 months but my partner didn't say it back at the time, he said it after 8 months but chose to say it on my birthday so it was special, he admitted he felt it before, but wanted to make the moment special.

I can understand post divorce how someone would be more cautious and want to take their time, but only you know what you are prepared to accept.

I would expect a little more than one meet up per week after nine months. It could be that only seeing you for such a limited time is what’s holding him back from developing feelings.

I would be questioning if it was a relationship at all depending on the quality of the time you have together and any reasons as to why it is not more frequent.