How long wait for an 'I love you'

This is very uncommon set up?!

Do either of you have romantic partners? Is this not awkward if so? Sorry to be nosey😂

I will say though Re. Not introducing you to family I can understand if he has children and/or if his split with his ex was quite recent and his kids are still adjusting (even if they’re adults)

I know my friend didn’t introduce her now former partner to her kids for two years. I mean they were young primary school aged children, but even now when they’re young adults she still doesn’t want to rush in with introducing them to new partners.

It’s a bit unusual about not introducing you to friends though unless maybe he never sees them or something?

The fact that he’s not introduced you to family is very telling. He doesn’t sound very invested. You definitely deserve better.

I think I'd move on not because he can't say it now but because he doesn't know if he ever will and you haven't met his friends

Hahahahahaha!!!!!

You deserve so much better OP. Dump him and move on to a man who loves and values you xxx

MN said LTB? What a surprise 😂

Oh LTB! 😂

@OrlandointheWilderness

I can imagine the replies you got probably added to any doubts/panic you had 😂🤣 glad it worked out well anyway!

@Loxiro I believe what I actually did was to start a MN thread....! 😂 😂

That’s cute, I’d probably have felt crushed or a bit unsettled if I didn’t hear it back immediately but in this case he was probably processing it and making sure he felt the same before saying it back which is nice!

I have lived with my ex-partner for 10 years and we are still close friends. The relationship came to an end because of very stressful times but we stayed in quite close contact and can count on one another.
I love him, and he loves me - just no longer in a romantic man/woman-setting.
No one has said "I love you" in all these years, but the love is there.
Some people find outing love very difficult, others find their actions overthrow words, others find it too corny.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

I said it after 8 months. He hugged me but kept me waiting for another two weeks before he said it... 😂. We've been together 4 years now and very much in love.

This. I think I'd move on.

@DutchPanda after 9 months, if he hasn't introduced you to any friends, and isn't sure that he loves you yet, then this really isn't meant to be.

Using you for sex. If he says he loves you, that's translated by men into meaning they have top pull their finger out and do something serious (house, joint assets, marriage, kids, etc etc).

He's enjoying the freedom/flexibility.

I love a lot of people but im not in love with them.
9 months is still a short time dont need to rush things enjoy what you have for now.
Or move on but for me if someone starts with the whole i love you stuff early on i get the ick like i have to say it back and i dont feel the same about them although i love them just not in love yet if that makes any sense (its a me problem).

he admitted he doesn't love me yet and doesn't know if he ever will

Blimey! Well that's you told OP. I wouldn't have much hope tbh. It sounds like he's not that into you. IME feelings either develop quickly (like within about 3 months or so) or they don't develop at all. If I were you, I wouldn't be expecting this to be a LT relationship.

then he admitted he doesn't love me yet and doesn't know if he ever will. Ouch

OPs partner didn’t say he doesn’t know how he feels right now, he clearly stated he does NOT love her and doesn’t know if he ever will in the future.

I think we need to believe what men tell us
sometimes. Some men act really committed and can be super sweet and affectionate and then say they don’t want anything too serious or commitment , and so many women make the mistake of focusing solely on their actions and ignoring what they are clearly being told.

I always say in those instances -. listen to their words (as well as actions) The same applies here.

If he doesn’t know after 9 months he does know. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud. How does he treat you? Does he behave like he loves you? Does he cherish and care for you? Is he proud to be seen in your company? Does he take an interest in your day, your interests, your thoughts and feelings? If not, don’t waste another minute on him.

I more or less agree with this. I’m over 12 months past the end of my long term marriage. I’m happily in a relationship. But I do question whether I’m capable of experiencing the intensity of the feelings I felt for my ex DH ever again. And feeling the overwhelming romantic ‘in love’.

I really care for my new boyfriend of 8 months and we have a great time together, but it’s different.

I don't think he's acting like someone who is really serious about a future with me, although I try to convince myself otherwise.

You say it yourself: you can tell he is not serious about you two.

I’d be gone. 9 months is plenty of time to know, and if he doesn’t feel it now, he never will.

I think actions are what's important here.

Is he consistent? Do you talk every day? Does he always do what he says he will? Does he make effort on birthdays and Christmas? Does he make effort to see you and be keen to meet every weekend? How does he talk about the future?

I think if his actions were ok, then I'd give it some time.

Yeah I agree with this. I don't think that DP told me that he loved me in the first year, but he introduced me to his parents after 6 months, so I knew then that he was serious. He also used to say lots of other things (that I was beautiful, that he felt so lucky to be with me etc).

You should be able to tell if man is into you without him needing to say those specific words.