My fault for DH having a bad day

God but he sounds so so selfish.

You also need to be very clear that it is not your job that it is stopping you doing these things for him - it is the fact he is an adult and you are not his mother - you are his partner and equal

He is utterly pathetic. Please tell him we all think he’s completely useless.

Next time he complains about your job, ask him if he wants you to give it up, but how is he going to replace the £xxxxx that your income brings in each month?

I would go zero tolerance from now on. He wants to take DC to soft play, he books it himself and packs the bag. As for packing and sorting out his holiday clothes, well tbh I can't quite believe you're doing that in the first place.

No point having big conversations about it, just make the changes. Unless he is actually an idiot, he will know why.

OP this is a classic example of a parent child relationship in a marriage.

He is acting like a petulant child and he is expecting you to be his mother.

You are not a support human.

I could not be with a useless and rude man like him.

He sounds so resentful. He criticises everything you do yet his life sounds so easy compared to yours. His working hours are short and you do everything for the children and around the house. He seems to feel emasculated by your successful career/high earning job.

Would you consider leaving him? I think you life would be much easier without him.

He sounds angry with you- you really can’t win, can you? By which I don’t mean to say it’s your fault that he’s angry! He is most definitely being very unreasonable. I guess you also can’t bring it up and point out what he’s doing and have him see it and apologise!

I hope you enjoy his time away. I do wonder if it might be nicer for you if that separation became more permanent, in time- or are there redeeming features to the relationship? How does he enhance your life?

@Wowjustwow88 Why is it your job to book insurance for his trip? Why is it your job to organise his outing with his child? Why is it your job to ensure he has the right clean clothes for packing? Stop taking responsibility for things that he should do, let him mess up and learn from his mistakes.

More importantly, why are you putting up with him shifting the blame for his mess ups onto you and making nasty comments about your work? Is that what you want to model for your kids?

He's envious of your success and enjoyment in your job. That interacting with his sexist ideas about women and relationships means he's trying to make himself feel better by putting you back in what he perceives as your box.

Yuck.

Yes. There is a huge level of resentment from him I sense. Hence the blaming all the time and basically just being rude to you.

Do you know where the resentment might be coming from?

This! What an absolute man child, OP. How some women have sex with a man who they essentially mother like another one of their children is completely beyond me. Instant ick, 🤮

You've helped him out and he's thrown it all back at you? I'd be telling him to fuck off.

He's not really on your team, his comments about your job are sexist and you've fallen into a pattern of doing stuff for him that he should be able to handle himself.

So he actually thinks that your job should be looking after him? You have a great job, bring in a really good salary and you do everything for the children and do all his life admin but that isn't enough. He sounds absolutely awful. Does he have any good points?

He sounds like a bum. You deserve better!

If he wanted to pack earlier he could have done the laundry earlier himself. It's not as though he doesn't still have plenty of time to pack.

I get pretty stressed about preparing for travel, but I know it's all internally generated and I try my best not to make it my OH's problem.

Of course you want to help your DH, but he should be showing you gratitude for the help you've provided, not criticising you for the things he still has to do for himself.

It actually sounds like he doesn't like you very much. He certainly doesn't respect you. It must be exhausting living with him.

Why is it your job to do his washing for his trip @Wowjustwow88 - you both work right? He could try, you know, planning ahead. Even if you do more washing and he does other jobs, he can plan what he wears leaving stuff he wants ready?

Yet another person here failing to understand why he hasnt sorted his own washing out, or why he didnt check the bag before he left, nor checked if the place HE was visiting took card or not.

And why on earth are you doing any organising for a trip he is going on? It sounds like he is completely incapable and then doesnt appreciate all you are doing.

Maybe this is your wake up call to stop mothering him, he is your partner not your child. Not one of these things was he incapable of doing, he is just opting out of using his brain because you will pick up the slack so stop. When he complains you havent done his washing, ask why he hasnt done it, when he says about that bag ask why didnt he check it, when he complains about not knowing about cash ask why he didnt check (im sure they have a website or a phone number). Every single time point out the thing he didnt do and definitely stop organising for him.

Its clear the more you do, the more he wants you to do, this has shown you are doing too much as the poor man has forgot how to use his brain and common sense to do these things and the only way to learn is to do them fully for himself.

Last Minute is shoving things in a bag as the airport taxi arrives

but that’s a detail. He’s a nob.

Utter prick. Stop doing things for him. If you even want to stay married to him, I can't really believe you would want to.

You deserve a LOT better than this.

I realise I'm totally missing the main point here, but if he's going away on Friday and today is Tuesday, in what sense has he left everything to the last minute?

But yes yanbu. He sounds helpless and nasty with it.

Use this time when he's away to contact a divorce solicitor. Yuck.

Strategic uselessness. I wouldn’t tolerate it but I also wouldn’t expect him to pack until Thursday for a trip of Friday.