To make up an excuse to not go? Also... can you help with the excuse please?

Perfect!
Dont be a flaky friend. It’s so hurtful. You should have declined earlier, sorry OP. I sympathise but it’s too late to pull out now.
Also won’t they have had to pay a deposit?

Drive and message the birthday girl and organiser to say you are a bit broke and ok to split the bill carefully? I’m sure they’d rather you went than pull out

Not being able to afford something isn't an excuse, it's a valid reason.

There was a rather sad thread recently where the OP had gone to great efforts to organise her 40th birthday bash and the amount of no shows and cancellations was something horrendous. If driving and paying for your own meal is within your means, then that would be preferable to dropping out at this stage.

@Tink3rbell30 how is literally not being able to afford it "not a good excuse"?

I would feel sad if you were my friend and felt you had to lie about being skint.

Some people find it embarrassing to bow out of rounds and bill splitting.

I'd personally rather not attend something rather than have to do that.

It's not OP's fault they've picked an expensive place to eat out.

Seems like the 'you can't let your friend down' brigade are out in force BUT if OP isn't happy flagging the fact that she's going to struggle to pay and it's highly likely she could get roped into rounds or a meal split to include covering the birthday girl's meal then really she needs to put herself first in this instance.

Nobody should be putting themselves in debt for a mate just before Xmas.

Not a good excuse. Just be honest and pay for your own. No need not to go.

Tell them you have covid.

Unexpected bills/costs come up all the time. Things break, memberships auto renew and so on.

This month I suddenly realised I needed two new front tyres.
And then there was something I really need but was making do without in a black Friday sale at a price I couldn't pass up. So that was also a pleasant surprise/also unexpected.

It's nearly always better to tell the truth, or at least something closely resembling the truth. If you lie you risk getting caught out later (how long were you ill for/how was the dentist's appointment, etc) and you have the stress of remembering which lie you've told to whom. Better to have a clear conscience. If the OP tells the truth (I'm really sorry, I can't afford it this month) and the others say they'll chip in for her, she just has to say that would make her feel uncomfortable and hopefully she'll see them the next time, and maybe think about taking the birthday girl out for coffee instead.

I think it's really shitty to be all enthusiastic when you already know you won't be going.

That's an outright lie. There are no unexpected bills.

Yes this. You could even go up to the staff on the pretext of going to the toilet at the end of the meal and ask to pay yours separately? Tell the bar staff you’re in a rush. Just remember to contribute to the service charge. Then just tell the group ‘I’ve settled up already as I didn’t have alcohol’

Don't lie.

Be honest, drive and pay for yourself.

No please don't do this.

I agree. It isn't anything to be embarrassed about.

Oh no, is the organiser going to expect you all to cover the birthday girl's meal too?

Is bill splitting still a thing? I go out with a couple of different groups and we always only pay for what we had plus a tip.

I'm usually in the 'honesty is the best policy' camp but as this is very last minute and I'd be tempted to throw a sickie.

Do you have little ones, OP? A bout of Norovirus usually puts people off spending time with you!

I see exactly where you're coming from, btw. These things can very quickly get out of hand. You can guarantee some will start getting rounds in and then you'll look tight not getting involved.

If they were very close friends that you see week to week hen I'd say push through and be honest about needing to keep costs down but if it's a big gang of old mates like that I'm sure they'll get a few cancellations and that they'll still have a good night anyway.

So many perfectly reasonable suggestions and I’d still just text something like: “Sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it after all, I hope you have fun.”

I've been on both sides of this. I've been the one worrying about paying for it or choosing the cheapest option and nursing a glass of water, although these days I out earn most in my social circle.

I worried far more about how things appeared when I was poorer. I was embarrassed by it. But now I know there's no need to be. Anyone who measures someone's worth by how much income they have is an absolute idiot. It's a con and we need to get past this idea that willingness to spend money = generosity of spirit. It most certainly doesn't!

I find it far better to own this sort of thing. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. I remember the first year I suggested we stopped buying Christmas presents for extended family members and focused only on immediate. Everyone was so relieved.

If this were me, I'd be going because i said I would. I hate flaky people and I wouldn't want to let down a friend. However, I definitely would post on the WhatsApp group chat something like:

Hi all. Really looking forward to Sunday. Just want to be clear on details so no one has any nasty surprises. Christmas is costing me a fortune this year, so to keep costs manageable I'll be driving instead of getting an Uber and I will be paying for my own meal/drinks. I'm sure many of you will be in the same situation and this will make life fairer and easier for everyone. Shall we agree now if everyone ok with that approach? Happy to pay a contribution towards birthday girl's if that's what we're all agreed on.

But why lie to your friends? If they find out then they will be hurt and think of you as a liar and this might affect your friendship. Surely it’s ok to just say that you are sorry, but you just make it anymore. It might be awkward, but at least it’s honest.

Depends what the group is like. If they are pretentious just make an excuse that you can't come because .................. If they are OK and will understand, can your order something small, drink something non alcoholic and drive yourself. Say you have extra costs this month and, whilst you are happy to join them, you can't afford the huge bill.

I would tell the truth. I've had to do it before and proper friends understand. It's better than a lie - that will sound like a lie.

"Hi all. Just looked at the menu - looks delish - but a bit pricey for me at the moment. Things are pretty tight right now, and we've all agreed to cut back a bit, so much as I'd love to come, I just can't justify it this time. Hope you all have a brilliant time and send me some pics so I can feel like I'm there is spirit!"