To make up an excuse to not go? Also... can you help with the excuse please?

It really isn't.

I feel a nasty sick bug coming on!!

@Rebeccaa1996 I hate bill splitting, it is so unfair. I stopped going to works nights out because of it. At one night out (I was working, so wasn’t there thankfully), the person organising it had a three course meal, with wine and then a liqueur coffee. The cost of hers alone would have been nearly £60. My friend went and just had a (cheap) main course and a glass of coke, as money was tight for her.

Friend was gutted, when she found out the bill was being evenly split by everyone attending and she had to fork out £50, instead of the £18 hers cost. She was too embarrassed to say she wanted to pay hers separately, so just paid up. When she told me she about it I was horrified for her and we both decided we would never go out with colleagues again, unless it was a paid upfront meal.

Just drive there and let them know in advance that you want a separate bill. I think that's fine. Tell them before you go so that you don't come across as a party pooper - present it as, 'I really want to come and see you all, I just don't have a spare hundred/two hundred quid right now so forgive me, I'm going to drive and just ask for my own bill rather than joining in with the cocktails, hope you don't think I'm a party pooper, see you on Saturday'. They will feel disappointed when they get the message, but will have got over it by the time the day arrives - and you don't need to carry on stressing about it.

""sorry I can no longer attend. Have a good time". Don't apologise, either!"

😂

Just drive and pay for yourself. No-one will mind

I hate the lies to get out of something. Half truths maybe, but outright "I've fallen off my high heels" is awful. If you really don't want to go, tell her now that you're really sorry but you can't afford it, and offer to buy her coffee soon instead.

But I would do as a PP suggested and go to the bar and pay your own bill while everyone is having their pudding/coffee, and say you're skint but wanted to come anyway.

This, see also being on call for teenagers.

Just drive and don’t drink. Go late and just have a coke.
(I don’t know how you thought it was ever going up cost less than £50 anyway, especially if you were drinking. 😄)

Go and have a good time!! All the best and well done for not getting tied up in knots and getting in debt for other people. Good luck.

What made it difficult to say no OP?

If you already tried to turn it down, a while ago, your friends won't believe any excuse you make now. They'll be pretty sure/totally sure that you are lying. If you're happy to lose your friends, then sure, call off.

But, as others have said, you can still go, but cut costs. You can tell them you can't drink because you are or have been on Antibiotics (metronidazole is the best one to pick as it really, really can make you ill if you drink while on it AND that includes for up to 2-3 days after you finish the course). So stick to water or fruit juice. Tap Water with ice is nearly always free, wherever you go and it is my go to for choice if I'm not drinking!!

Which means you can drive there and back, which will cost you far less than an Uber. Then just tell them that the antibiotics have upset your stomach a little, so you are going to be careful about what you eat. Then just pay for what you had - although if the Birthday girl is getting her meal paid for, you might need to pay your share for her?

Do you have children? Say your babysitter is running late so you will join them for drinks after the meal.

My worry would be the special cocktail champagne bought for birthday girl, who of.course can't pay for her own bill so that's to be paid towards too!

Can you drive there at all? That way you don't have to pay for any drinks and that'd cut the costs significantly!

If these were friends that wanted to see you that badly they would organise something cheaper.
The fact the organiser has arranged an expensive and awkward to get to place means you can't go. Tell her that.
We need more honesty in the world than this pretending you're ill nonsense.

So you found out it was expensive and far away. Said I'm sorry I can't do this. Then were told you had to? I'm confused. I think you should have been firm in your decline.

I still think lying and late drop out is shady. I'm still not sure why you can't drive, not drink and have a cheaper option for food. You must have had some budget in mind.

Not turning up to a 40th birthday us a signal the friendship is over. If you want to end the friendship then you're going the right way.

One of my friends pleaded sick pet at a 40th birthday get together. We've never really let them forget it and in 6 years since I don't think we've seen them but we've not dropped each other entirely.

They are old friends you don't see often, just say you're poorly and have to cancel but hope they have a lovely time.

It's really not a big deal. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Don't skint yourself for it, isn't worth it.

Just text at the end of the week saying you are ill and can't attend. No point going if you'll be worried about money

Prewarn your friend that money is tight and you want to pay just for what you eat and drink. A good friend would be fine about that.

Say you are ill. Explosive diarrhea or the flu 😷 🤧

That's no excuse!

I think you should just be honest and say you're struggling a bit financially and just can't do it so close to Christmas. I'd rather send her a card and a gift and not go, than pay all that and worry about the cost.

If I wanted to go but can't afford bill splitting and taxis etc I would just tell the organiser the only way you can come is if you just pay for what you have.

Or would splitting food and drink bills help? Then you can drive and drink soft drinks.

If not, just say you can't make it but I think it's a shame you will miss out completely and your friends might miss you too.

This is think. You might find others are relieved to. It would be a shame to miss out.

I think you should go OP and drive so then you can keep costs down. I know you said it's a long way but it's a special birthday so will mean a lot to the friend. I'm sure they'd rather have you there not drinking than not at all. How would you feel if it was the other way round?