To make up an excuse to not go? Also... can you help with the excuse please?

Picture the scene in 40 years time.....
The friendship group is now all old ladies and meets at the funeral of one.
Several are surprised to see the OP - "Oh we haven't seen you for 40 years. You were always dropping out of our get togethers".
The OP replies "Oh you were always picking expensive places and I couldn't afford that".
The group looks sad...."Oh OP - why didn't you tell us 40 years ago? We could have gone to a cheaper place. We just wanted to see you".

Be honest 🙂

I don’t know why people can’t tell the truth. You don’t need an ‘excuse’, just say you hadn’t realised how expensive it would be and you can’t afford it. Nothing to be ashamed of in this day and age. Still send a card and maybe pay for a bottle of wine. You’ll look gracious and can enjoy a virtuous night in your pjs knowing that you haven’t lied.

If it is a small group of old friends then I am sure no-one will care if you go light on food/drinks and just pay for what you have ordered rather than splitting the bill

They are far more likely to be upset or annoyed at someone backing out of plans last minute with a flaky excuse IMHO

I think you will be expected to cover some of the Birthday Girl's share.

Drive, don't drink alcohol (antibiotics, making you feel sick, can't eat much), maybe just order a starter and dessert, ask to pay for your own, stick an extra £10 or £15 in for BG's share.

Can you "draw your belt in" elsewhere? Knock a fiver off the food shop for a few weeks, use cashback websites, flog some stuff on Vinted/Ebay etc. Only you know how hard up this is going to leave you.

It's only 20 miles, the initial impression OP gave was that this was the other side of the country.

Drive and then you can't drink alcohol, and just pay for your own food. Don't be a twat and make up an obviously transparent excuse about being ill or whatever at the last minute.

If you still decide not to go, be honest about it. Any decent friend will understand you saying "sorry, but money is a bit tight so I can't come".

If, however, someone I knew bailed on a plan and lied about it, that would be what would piss me off more than anything else.

A horrible tooth ache that you can't get seen until next week

@Needmorelego OP has said it would be £40-£50 for the meal, where can you go that's much cheaper than that? And it's a half hour drive so it's not that far. Totally get that with an Uber and drinks it adds up and starts getting costly but not drinking and driving keeps the cost down

Feel funny after a flu jab - just remember you can only use this once a year.

Also, you can say no when someone suggests splitting the bill… just say oh I’m just going to pay for what I had because I only had a main and one drink.

If it’s only twenty miles I would drive.

20 miles isn't far to drive. Its also an excellent reason for not drinking

Can you not just leave early and go up to the bar and pay for what you had before you do?

Yeh I would drive to start with - 40 miles there and back will cost a lot less that £30. I don't see why it being 20 miles means it's too far to drive but not too far for an Uber?

Then I would say you want a separate bill - and just have a soft drink (bc driving) and a main course. It's fine. I would message the organiser now to flag that tho. It's really crappy if ppl drop out on a few days' notice.

Did you have any say in negotiating where you are going? If you did then its really flaky to pull out now.

Be upfront that the shared cost won't work for you.

Don't leave your excuses or decision until last minute either. Let people know in advance.

old friends but not close.....save the blooming date I HATE those......it was made difficult for you to decline.....expensive venue not announced till much nearer the date......I mean how much do you want to stay in touch with these dipsticks?

This total PITA but probably best solution .

If moneys tight and you drive why would you even consider an Uber? 🫤

Drive, order something cheap and drink tap water. I’d rather do that than let a friend down on her 40th at short notice, especially in a small group, it’s a really shitty thing to do.

If you have already tried to decline and now make up a last minute excuse then it’s going to be very obvious to everyone that you are lying to avoid going I think. I think dropping out last minute when someone else has gone to the trouble of arranging this for a special celebration is poor form. £70/80 for a nice meal, drink and taxis I wouldn’t be shocked at tbh and if you do as others said and drove instead of drinking it would easily be half that.

Definitely don't risk splitting the bill, if they are drinking it could easily be way more than you estimate.
Depends on your relationship with them, could you message to say sth like menu looks amazing, really looking forward to it, you're not drinking before Christmas so is it OK to do separate bills? Of course you'll by BD person a drinking etc etc....
I mean, I loath that kind of confrontation so would absolutely make an excuse ans stay home to avoid it. But I think the first option is the more adult way of handling it 🤣

@rocketgal if I wanted my friends to celebrate with me I would choose somewhere everyone can get to and afford.

And if you say you're not drinking to keep costs down then your friend is hardly going to start ordering champagne to your tab

Please don’t lie
Every time someone lies about illness to her out of something it makes it less believable when someone actually does fall ill.

if you want to go, drive yourself, 29 miles isn’t that bad. And make it clear money is tight and you will be paying for what you consume.

if you don’t actually want to go, don’t
but dont make things up
just a simple ‘Sorry, my circumstances have changed and I can no longer attend, have a great time’

Honesty is always best

Not longer driving than in an Uber though surely?

You say the venue was confirmed much later. Before today though right?

Don't go if you don't want to, but it's definitely rude to pull out at this stage.

It's the friend's 40th birthday so clearly she's picked somewhere she likes, it's not about wanting to see the OP on this occasion, it's a meet up to celebrate the friend's special birthday! And it's 20 miles away, she's hardly being asked to go to the ends of the earth

It is if you don't want to tell the truth