Social services HELP - any social workers out there please

Thank you.

Thank you. It compounds the anguish when you feel no one believes you.

I think there is a big difference in court cases for child protection (ie removing a child from parents and granting care orders) and Child Arrangements Orders (when courts decide about contact with parents). I feel that the courts get it right most of the time with legal proceedings in the first, but I also agree with you that sometimes CAO can mean a child having contact with a parent who has been abusive to the other parent. They are two very separate things and I think the second is much more flawed.

I absolutely believe you, having watched two women I know go through the appalling, misogynistic family court system. I’ve seen what it’s done to both them and their children. It’s not like it isn’t well documented either - Panorama and Dispatches have both investigated the abject failings of the system. I would never have believed it before I’d seen all this.

When something happens that's out of the ordinary, it can shake your confidence, as you'll be going through all the possibilities in your mind. It's natural that you'll feel shaken up. You'll be fine. 🙂

It does seem incredible when you haven’t experienced it for yourself. I probably wouldn’t have believed it either. I can’t blame people for not understanding how unfair the system is.

I actually know a mother who was told she would be going to jail if she kept raising concerns about her daughter’s wellbeing while in the care of her abusive ex. She had to bite her tongue and just pray her daughter would be ok.😢

There was zero evidence of PA against the mum who made SS aware of children’s disclosures and distress. They looked on it as children’s word against his and chose to believe him, despite all the prior evidence of his shady character - DA, stalking, supervised contact etc. It still went in his favour. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And well they should if someone even hints at feeling suicidal. I think it sounds like great sage guarding all
round.

hope your dh is feeling better now.

I think @soupfiend and @BigManLittleDignity in their posts above has summed it up pretty well.

and evidence. A social worker can say what they like but it won’t hold weight in a court of law without evidence to back it up.

Who is stopping them?

They make their decisions based on evidence presented to the court in the final hearing, from the Local Authority, from the parents, from the child's solicitor.

Each of them have a position, it may or may not align with the Local Authority's position.

Judges very often do not make orders in alignment with the SW's recommendation.

Yes, but your point was about lack of accountability and implied SWs have free reign to make decisions on their own. It’s not quite like that.

They make their decisions on recommendations from SWs.

You do realise that only a court judge can make these decisions though, not social workers?

I'm glad your DH is getting the help that he needs and sorry that the visit from social workers was so upsetting for you, OP. But I'm also impressed by how quickly and efficiently the whole process worked.

It's quite reassuring to hear in this day and age, when services are under so much pressure and mistakes occur in safeguarding, sometimes with tragic results.

I hope your DH gets the help he needs and that he makes a speedy recovery.

No was at the start of lockdown. I think he was in debt and worried about work drying up. He killed the dog as well. He acted so normal. Even built a playhouse for them the day he killed them. Knowing they would never get to play in it.

Think you're being terrified of the wrong thing. Much worse to have guns in the house and your h feeling suicidal. It was sensible of him to mention it to the GP. I hope he feels better soon

This.

Social worker here. No they won't contact the school. I think its much better to have people involved and nothing to happen, than for no one to know and for something to happen. Not sure how they've closed it so quickly as there is usually requests for information and risk assessments and then a senior manager has to sign it off.

I agree. Some abusive men do get away with using PA allegations against their partners - much has been written on this. Many people seem to cling to the idea that the system is infallible, but there are some cases (even if they’re a small minority) where manipulative people are able to hoodwink SWs and other professionals. It happens— thankfully not the majority of the time, but it happens.

We were just unlucky then? I don’t think so. The use of the ‘parental alienation’ trope seems too much of a give away.

This is just not true, certainly not in any social worker I have worked with.
I think most social workers are very suspicious of men like this - your perspective really isn’t what I have experience in real life.

I think this is quite likely, he may have been trying to spare you the worry, especially with you being pregnant.

Hopefully he is getting support now x