Grandparents say it’s too expensive to have Grandchildren to stay

What it to you how many times they holiday a year. My parents has zero involvement in any childcare and they live 2 miles away. It pissed me off at the time but you have to get over it and when the grandchildren have no relationship or conversation with your children they will only have themselves to blame. I don't think you can create a correlation between their holidays and spending money on grandkids. Grandparents are usually tight with things like shopping, heating then holiday 4 times a year

They’re not wrong though, it is expensive. My dgs is not a “sitting quietly watching the television” type of guy” My days of standing around at the freezing cold park or swimming at the public pool are well and truly done. I can handle soft play, not particularly cheap but can kill a few hours. However now he’s older it’s karting, trampoline park, swimming at the gym, crazy golf and whatever you call that VR stuff to keep him occupied and it’s really, really expensive and that’s before snacks, drinks and lunch. Perhaps you could offer to pay for their activities.

Having the grandkids can be expensive. Not wanting to eat what you want and when you do buy them what they want it's not right. You but some fruit they loved last time you had them - three weeks ago and now they don't like it.

Getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving every light they use on.

That's before you take them out for the day.

I’m reading it as staying in that they stay for a couple of days/overnight, in which case it’s a lot to expect them to look after children on overnight stays on a regular basis.

why aren’t you covering their costs, providing activities when the GPs are babysitting?

People find it hard to entertain younger kids and some younger kids find it hard to entertain themselves particularly if you are not going out.
Their grandparents obviously feel this.
If they are happy to look after your kids / their grandkids in warmer months then what’s wrong with that.

You write as if this is a regular thing, to stay with GPs for long enough to require whole days of care in between. If that's the case, you've had it pretty good so far.
You are being told now that for whatever reason this cannot continue.
Two primary school children is a big ask for childcare from anyone, let alone people over 60.
Their bank balance is not your affair.

(Cue the standard response of 'Boohoo it takes a village, where's my village? Wait till I get to pick your care home etc.' )

Maybe they don’t want them to stay.

my in laws love my kids, are enthusiastic and attentive when we visit for an afternoon, but have never indicated that they’d a) enjoy the kids coming without us b) would want them to stay over.

why do you think yours should?

lovely if they do, but there’s no obligation, surely?

Thoughts are that they don't want the grandchildren to stay, and that's fine. Loads of other ways to be involved grandparents. Take the hint.

There your kids your responsibility not the grandparents
Its now their time and they can do what they want.

I used to be picked up after school by ny great grandad 1 day a week (he was in his 70s to early 80s). We got the bus to his house, played exactly 3 rounds of cards and then he put the tv on to whatever sport was on that afternoon and I was allowed to play with my plastic animals in front of it but I had to be deadly silent.

in summer he took me to the beach & to the play park but in winter it was silent interminably boring tv. During the winter school holidays it felt like years! But, I loved him so much. He died when I was 8.

If you need the childcare, have you considered allowing communal but safe screen time or other easing of rules. (Apologies to all lovers of televised snooker)

I think you need to take.the hint

That's what our grandparents did- had us individually.
Much easier, and we preferred it as felt more 'spoiled' with attention and nice things to do.

Sounds like the grandchildren are hard work- hence them backing out?
When our grandparents had us, they had us individually. They found that much more bearable.

They maybe just don't want to have them or don't feel able to?

My children were very young when my parents passed away and they had never stayed over with them. They never minded them either, although they adored and spoiled them! My mother used to say she was worried they'd want to go home during the night (they lived an hour away from us). She also used to say when we visited that she loved to see them coming, and she loved to see them going home!

If your parents have a good relationship with you and your children, then maybe just leave it at that?

@Overtherainbow89

The DGP don't owe you or your DC any 'stays'. If they don't want to host your DC for any reason or for no reason, that is their prerogative. Whether or not they can afford to do it is irrelevant. Maybe they're just at the age where they don't want the responsibility, whether your DC are toddlers or teens.

So, what is the real reason for your post? If it's that you'd like them to have a closer bond I can understand that, but you'll have to facilitate it by doing the planning, paying, and hosting. If it's that you want childfree time, you'll have to figure another way for that.

My mum found having both my boys too much as my dad had a neuro condition that meant he needed a good deal of her attention and care. She was fine with them one at a time but two was too much. So she had them one at a time for occasional overnights and each for a week in the summer. They were able to form a close bond and had a lovely relationship, even as young men. But we fit our boys into her abilities and Dad's schedule and insured that they knew how to behave at Gram's house so as not to disrupt things.

If someone has said no, regardless of their reason, you need to respect it. They probably find it stressful having young children in the house but felt this was an easier less awkward excuse. It is also much more affordable in summer to be out the house, can just chill in the garden or go to the park, but winter is different. Also sounds like you'll have summer holidays support which is the real kicker. Just leave it, don't question it, and accept graciously whatever help they are willing to give.

How often are you expecting them to stay at grandparents?

My DC stay at grandparents once a year and this is pretty recent - they are tweens. Before that we always stayed too. I wouldn’t expect regular overnights with grandparents tbh. It would be lovely, sure, but there’s no obligation.

Well, have you asked what exactly they spend money on when they have them? Only with this information will you know if it's reasonable or not.

Also depends how long they're having them to stay?

In my opinion it costs nothing to entertain 2 primary children as long as they're fed - and if they'll eat what you're already having, then it's not exactly going to cost a bomb in extra food. Mine are happy with crafts, books, baking, watching telly. Loads of free things to do, like visit local library, go for walks etc.
But obviously for a longer stretch of time they'd probably want to do things and go places.

My guess is they're just not able for it anymore.

Is this an excuse or a real reason? If it is real then makw sure they know they don't have to have days out and you pay compensation for good and utilities. If it is just an excuse then don't take the children there.

We need more context, as a few people have asked.

Very frustrating when a poster asks a question then buggers off.

How many days are you wanting? Is it for work or social?
Are you taking the piss or is it genuine?

How often are they going to stay?
I would stick to visiting ss a family rather than grandchildren going to stay.

I suspect if you offer to pay for outings, activities, food etc, you may well find that the real issue is something else - namely that it’s absolutely knackering having sole care of young children, especially when you can’t chuck them out in the garden to run their legs off.

Is it an age thing? We had kids late and my parents (the only grandparents) are very devoted to them but too elderly to have been hands-on in bringing them up. My DC have never stayed overnight with their grandparents, and until they were of secondary age and reasonably civilised they weren’t ever in their sole care either. Now they might visit them for half a day at a time without us, but they are quite useful kids (!) and will fix simple IT issues for them, water the garden, take rubbish out, cook a meal etc. So the care goes both ways.